Bragging Moms?

Question

Okay, so there is nothing wrong with being proud of your toddler. But, what would you do you do if you have a fellow "Mom" friend that is ALWAYS bragging about her child in a manner that is trying to put your child down?

I mean, my friend is really competitive about her child. She will have her child recite things (abc's, number's, etc., more like tricks than anything) and will say, "can SHE do that?" Or she'll ask my daughter directly, "can YOU count to 20?" . . . and then she will infer that I am not teaching her right . . . She just turned 2 a week ago for cripes sakes! I didn't know I was coming over for a spelling bee!

I have 2 jobs 2 kids and plenty else to take care of, I don't have time to sit there and help my toddler memorize stuff. At the same time, it really IRKS me that she is trying to make me or my child seem insufficient.

It just seems like some moms are SO competitive and judgmental.

What would you do?

Blooming: Yes, I believe that her son can count that high, he isn't even 2! He really is a sweet boy, and I would never want to say anything to discourage him. It really is a matter of her spending most of her time reciting stuff to him. She is a good mom, REALLY good. She is just really competitive and has been since early on.

I just don't like her putting my daughter on the spot like that, it's bad for her self esteem.

Answer 1

tell her that you do not appreciate her "quizzing" your child and tell her that you love your "get togethers" with her, but you would rather talk about your lives and not about what your children can do...if she is a good friend she will get the clue and you all should be fine...if not she is not worth keeping as a friend anyway...i hope this helps!!!

Answer 2

I will tell you who I feel sorry for, this other child! It sounds like she may have to go to therapy when she gets older if her mother doesn't stop now. You can do one of two things, just stop carrying your child around these people or make sure that a little of your childs habits rubs off on the other child. Children need to be children. If you don't see this person a lot, don't worry about it. I keep my two grandsons on a day to day basis. The oldest will be two in a couple of weeks. We try to do the abc's and 123's but his attention will not last until about E or 5. We don't worry about it. He is starting to talk up a storm though. He talks better than his 3 1/2 year old cousin, but there are things his cousin is advanced in. All children are different. Another of my nephews climbs everywhere and he is only a year old. Our two year old has to have a booster seat to climb on the couch and he is not short for his age. They are just different. So, don't fear for your child, I would feel sorry for this other child. If you love your child, and it sounds like you do, then that is enough. Your child will feel it. She doesn't care what that other woman thinks. She will forget in a few moments anyway, if she even knows what is going on. I know my grandson wouldn't. Just look at her and give her a big mommy loves you smile and all will be good again.

Answer 3

I'm so curious, does this woman really have a 2 year old that can count to 20?

I find myself doing that a lot with my son (showing off his skills), but I never compare to other kids or ask what they can or can't do.

I think I would just say something along the line of, "Wow! You guys must study all day long! When do you ever have time to play?" Then you could go into a speech about how important play time is for kids and how YOUR kid is allowed to be a kid. You could mention that all that drilling of information into her kid's head is probably burning her out. Something like that. Just say it casually, but get the point across. Maybe that will shut her up for a while.

Answer 4

She sounds like a really good friend, always comparing herself to you and trying to get you to admit that you're a lousy mother whose child can't even remember Eintein's second law of relativity yet without prompting!
Kids don't like being performing seals. They really do get tired of it one day and after that day comes, they refuse to 'learn' anything else because they feel they're performing and being conned.
Second point is, that having a child who can recite things is not the same thing as having a child who has learned things. It is also not the same as having a child who has been stimulated and motivated to enjoy the process of learning. It is more important to teach a child how to learn, and to enjoy learning for its own sake, than to teach a child how to recite things parrot-fashion without understanding or inner comprehension.
You will probably find that your friend's day will come. Your child is probably learning the importance of a solid work ethic from observing you, and a million other real things besides. So long as you are reading a couple of books aloud to your child each day or night, you are providing a solid foundation for future learning. Reading aloud, and making it interesting, is the single most important thing for future education, so do that and tell your friend to go whistle up the chimney. Good luck.

Answer 5

I had a friend like that when my oldest 3 were little! It's got to be the most annoying thing to have to deal with when you are at a play date for your kids and have been looking forward to some grown up conversation. It seems to me that these kinds of parents are just very insecure about their parenting or themselves, and need constant reinforcement to prove to themselves that they are better than the pack. I got to the point where I would not indulge in the game, and would use the same kind of distraction techniques that I used with my toddlers... lol. It worked sometimes, but a few times I would have to point it out to her that it wasn't okay to encourage the competitive behaviors when addressing my children. Our friendship was often rocky, always tense, and after many years I finally gave up on trying to maintain the friendship. I feel for you, it's tricky. Good luck!!

Answer 6

visit this mum as little as possible. A monkey can learn anything if they are taught. You are doing well,let you child play. This is what they need to do to develop at this age. 6 months into school your chilren will be at the same level. Just limit your time with this woman and if she makes any comments think of some comebacks.
"can You count to 20" just tell her you don't believe she needs to yet and it is a shame her child is being pushed so hard. or simple things like " no, but she knows how to share" or "No, but the other day she learnt that if she picks her nose and eats it that i make a yuck sound". Just remember if this mums wants to put your child down you can put her in her place.

Answer 7

Haha, we've all dealt with that. My mom has a couple of friends who are very competitive with their children against hers (which is me). But the best you can do is ignore it and just be happy of the good qualities your child has. Children arent objects to brag about. Children are human beings and you need to accept their qualities no matter what. So it is bad to brag about a child. One child may learn how to count to 20 faster then others, and vice versa. The good thing is that you're trying to be a good mom and that is all that really counts.

Answer 8

I have an aunt like this. Her kids are 20, 18 and 16 and she's still the same way!

Next time she asks your daughter something directly, say kinda jokingly "Oh, she's not a performer!" Then immediately change the subject. When she has her kids perform, smile politely, then look elsewhere and change the subject right away. Don't give her (or the kids) lots of attention and hopefully they'll get the hint.

Answer 9

It seems to me that you're ahead of the game and she's the one with the problem. Kids are not trophies and they're not here to play "repeat after me games" and keep up with the Joneses. Is this woman your friend? Does she think she is raising her child well? Next time she asks your kid to show how much she knows I would answer for her with something sarcastic like, "Well she can't count to 20 yet but I bet I can count hirer than you can." I just can't deal with people like her and I don't see how you can!

Answer 10

I had a friend like that. After she'd brag about all that her son could do I would politely smile and say "That's nice." When it came to asking if my daughter could do this or that I would just say "Well, she's concentrating on this skill right now- you know how it is, all children are different in their own cute way." It's best to kill them w/ kindness when this happens (and then you can tell them off under your breath once out of earshot). :)