My mom is arriving soon and i'm thinking of not telling my bf, since i know that they don't like him, they told me so while he was still courting me.
And know that he's my bf, I'm afraid that when i introduce him they will try to seperate us.
Yet if i don't tell my bf that my mom would be arriving, and wouldn't be able to be introduced, he might get upset and think that i'm not that serious in him and in our relationship.
i'm confused, i just want to protect him and our relationship, yet if i do that he might not understand and get upset.
can you guys give me aan idea? please? :( thank you..
2007-08-13 16:03:36 · 14 answers · asked by butterfly1131986 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he is 22 and i'm 21. my parents don't like him because he is from a poor family. The only thing that thay like about him is that he is smart and is already a professional, a civil engineer.
2007-08-13 17:25:44 · update #1
your parents sound like total snobs - who are they to judge a person or their family from their wealth? that is truly disgusting - let's see how high and mighty they are when they are standing in front of God on Judgment Day - it's your life, you are a young adult, live your life - I know it's cool when your parents agree with you but do not let their crappy attitude affect your relationship with your boyfriend - good luck
2007-08-21 10:50:59 · answer #1 · answered by Big Buddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking back to when I was single, there were a couple of
guys my mom didn't like, due to their being poor. She had it
in her mind, that I would marry a man who would have a very
good job and be career minded and have a salary to match.
She expected me to have the same standards as she did for
me. And my problem, was that I knew I'd marry for love, des-
pite the amount of money the guy made. Mom thought only of
someone being able to support me, so that I wouldn't have
to go without those things I'd had all my life. And that really
wasn't all that much, but she didn't want me to want for anything. Mainly a good roof over my head, plenty of groceries, bills paid, and all of the basics anyone wants to
live a comfortable life. And she didn't feel I'd have that with
certain guys.
I would spare your BF the feelings your mom has for the
present. You don't want feelings of animosity from your BF
toward her. It's bad enough she might still have those feelings
for him. So he'll have to charm her and be the most polite
BF she'd ever see you have. And hopefully he'll also be
dressed clean and not sloppy either. Moms' tend to take in
the overall picture.
He has a good future ahead of him if he's an engineer.
So he should be able to provide for you just fine. And mother
will have to accept that for now. You aren't getting married,
you are only together. I'm sure she won't show her ill feelings
since the two of you aren't committed yet. Moms usually
feel their daughters could do better. They just want what is
best for you. And usually for a better life than they had. So
I would just prepare both of them to know they will be seeing
each other soon. Don't discuss any bad feelings, just in case
they are resolved this time around. Otherwise you might be
setting the scene for a bad meeting all in all. I can't see how
your BF would take it any other way, if you told him mom
didn't like him. That would put him on edge right away. Give
her some credit for having tact and good manners. I'm sure
she'll hold her tongue and try to be pleasant. Maybe he can
win her over this time around. So give him the chance and
maybe she'll be more receptive.
2007-08-21 16:01:40 · answer #2 · answered by Lynn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you two, 11 or 12? If your over the age of 18, then what can they say. If your really into hem then you need to let hem be a man and stand and face your mom on a one on one deal, he's ah big boy. Don't think your protecting hem, your only hiding hem from the real world(your family). Let hem know what's going on so he will have time to think things out before your mom arrives.
2007-08-13 16:17:44 · answer #3 · answered by pedebeed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your parents you are dating this guy before they visit you and that will give you the time needed to discuss any concerns. If that is an issue well they have options on what they want to do. After your discussion with the family I would tell your friend that your Mom is coming for a visit.
He will be able to handle it as long as you are supportive of him and your relationship.
2007-08-21 06:47:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a Mother, obviously you don't live with your mom. Call her and tell her that you would like to see her,(and all the things a Mother wants to hear) but so-and so is your boy friend and as much as you respect her, and would like to see her, if she can't except this,and respect your home, then don't visit until she can. This way the ball is in her court. My daughter is 22, I could except this better than deceit.
2007-08-21 12:48:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best policy is to always be open & honest.
You are the common factor in this relationship.
Keeping the info from your boyfriend shows you don't trust him.
Keeping the boyfriend secret from your mother means you are concerned about him.
Perhaps there are good reasons for her dislike of him.
I think you are most concerned about yourself.
2007-08-13 16:15:22 · answer #6 · answered by Robert S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why does your mom not like him? Does she just have an intentional grudge or is there a legitimate reason...You should be able to tell him, because relationships are supposed to be about communication.
2007-08-13 16:13:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him; if you knew going in that your parents were opposed, then you owe it to your boyfriend to give at least an advance warning.
Your parents can't separate you unless you allow them. And sneaking around and suppressing information is not healthy in a relationship.
2007-08-13 16:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were your boyfriend, and you neglected to tell me when they came for a visit, I would wonder if you were ashamed of me. Give him the chance to charm them. Barring that, you are an adult now. If they try to break you up, put your foot down. You are a big girl, and can make your own decisions, right?
Right!
GL
2007-08-21 08:50:50 · answer #9 · answered by Eric C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its up to you what you do, try to make your parents understand that. surely theyre more interested in you being happy.
also, id tell your boyfriend so you can prepare for the arrival. make sure he acts the perfect gentleman and tries to impress your mom (not too hard of course)
if it were me id want to be told
2007-08-20 03:30:02 · answer #10 · answered by David W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋