Curbing inappropriate behavior?

Question

I have a child, a little girl, who constantly pulls down her pants and exclaims "see my pee-pee, see my butt; I wanna see yours" This behavior is alarming to me, but i'm not sure how to tell her that this behavior in inappropriate without making her feel are private parts are "bad". Can anyone tell me how to tell this to her in an acceptable manner? She is 4 years old

Answer 1

I agree with the others that she may have learned this from somewhere.

First make sure that she isn't doing it so someone will laugh at her. For toddlers, getting grownups to laugh is an attention thing.

After you do this, then you need to let them know that those are private parts and that everyone has private parts and we should keep our underwear on to cover them up because we don't need to see them and we use them to go potty with.

Be very calm and matter of fact about it.
You could even ask her if she's seen anyone's private parts.

Just don't ask it in an angry tone. Just a ya know.. puzzled sort of tone. Then she may tell you where she learned the behavior, or she may just have picked it up on her own.

The age of 4 should really be old enough to have some modesty. I am more concerned that she may have learned this from someone older than her.

Answer 2

Four is old enough. When she does this, you need to take her to her room instantly and leave her there until she is ready to talk about it and understand. Don't be afraid to show that you are angry, just make sure it's clear that you are not belittling her or damaging her sense of self-worth. You are angry at the behaviour, not the child. Make it a house rule that you can put on the fridge. It's good to choose three house rules and put them on the fridge and look at them each morning. They could be: 1 - No hitting or hurting others; 2 - We listen to each other; 3 - We maintain privacy, both our own and other people's. Of course you'll have to explain the big words to her. Explain very clearly that if she breaks a house rule, she needs to go to her room instantly until she is ready to discuss the issue and if necessary apologise - every single time, no matter where you are. If you are out in public, you instantly put her in the car, go home and put her firmly and calmly in her room - every single time. Make it very clear that some parts of the body are private and personal, not to be shown to anyone except parents and doctors if parents are present.
If she continues make it clear that misbehaviour like this will mean she starts to lose privileges. Privileges are favourite toys, desserts, going out on trips, everything except the most basic needs. Continue to remove privileges until she understands that this behaviour is not acceptable.
I absolutely agree that this behaviour may indicate she has been exposed to similar behaviour from another person. Check her list of contacts carefully and exclude any possible suspects. Explain clearly and simply that her private parts are very special and they are not to be shown to anyone except parents or doctors because they are private and that should be enough for a four-year-old.

Answer 3

Can be typical as kids that age are a bit obsessed with those "parts".

Explain that those parts are for her to see and her caregivers to help her take care of. Be clear that they are not bad but "private".

Time-outs for the behavior as well as rewards for polite behavior will put an end to it if you're consistent.

Answer 4

Make sure she is not learning this from an adolescent or adult who has been innappropriate to her. When you know she is safe, teach her that her private parts are HERS and noone should be looking at them except doctors(and parents when medically necessary).
Dont just change the behavior--find out who taught her to say those things. Little girls dont usually say "see my pee pee" but boys do.

Answer 5

tell her to stop and give her a toime out! you dont reason with a 4 year old. Also make sure she is not getting rewarded for this behavior IE people laughing and saying thats cute

Answer 6

When it is just you and your daughter explain to her about how special her parts down there are, so special that only she and you (if needed) should see them. At that age they are pretty honest and you could probably ask her where she heard that and she might tell you. If she starts to get uncomfortable when you ask her where she heard it, let it go, but continue to closely monitor her. She has to have heard that somewhere and now you have to become detective to find out where. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

My son was also very fascinated with his body parts and mine! I just told him that they are very private and only mommy and daddy are allowed to see them. I told him that it can make other people uncomfortable and if you are going to go to big boy school then you have to learn to act nice. I said it was ok to look in his bedroom or the bathroom because they aren't yucky, but they are only his so he shouldn't want other people to see them. Hope this helps!