Her great grandmother -- ( my husband's grandmaw) passed away 2 days ago, we are not taking her to the wake tonight or funeral tomarrow because I feel she is defently not ready for that, but I still havent told her yet that grandmaw is no longer with us, I need help... How do we start this conversation and what do I say not to scare her or leave her with 100 questions ???
2007-08-13 09:52:12 · 22 answers · asked by Brandi 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
We were all pretty close to grandmaw connie we went over to her home every sat. for a very long time so I know I have to tell her before saturday when she starts asking when we are going...
2007-08-13 09:56:56 · update #1
My child was only 5 when my mom passed away. It hasn't been easy because they were very close and spent a lot of time together. I told mine that grandma was sick early on and let her help whenever she wanted to. We explained to her that everybody gets to go to heaven and it was grandma's turn. She asked about heaven and we told her what a wonderful place it is. We also told her that now grandma has her angel wings and can check on her any time she wants to, and just because grandama's gone doesn't mean that she doesn't love her. I also let her draw pictures for grandma 'so grandma can see them' and then I just put them away. It seems to help her. I'm sure your child will ask questions, all kids do. The best thing I can think of is to be honest, death is just another part of life. Just try to keep your answers on a level your little one can grasp. We took ours to the funeral so she could say goodbye. She picked flowers for her that day so grandma could take them with her. I'm very sorry for your loss, good luck with your little one.
2007-08-13 10:24:15 · answer #1 · answered by CM 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You may want to take her to the wake, but not to the funeral, or just to the funeral service and not to the graveside service. Tell her that everyone and everything has a life. Sometimes it's short, but most of the time it's very long, like Grandmaw's. Tell her that death just means the old body wears out and turns back into earth but the part that makes us alive, the part that we call the soul lives on in Heaven. A really, really good book is The Next Place. It's available on Amazon.com, Borders and other sites and explains death in a way that is not at all frightening to a child.
2007-08-13 10:22:47 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl G 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If grandmaw was a daily part of her life and if you think she will notice her absence, then it is time to talk to her...just reassuring her that even though we cant see g'maw any more we still hold her in our heart and send our loving thoughts to her.
However, if g'maw was someone she hardly knew I would wait and see if she asks about her and then explain as above. At some point in the coming years when she is old enough to understand the 'family tree' she will be ready to accept that g'maw died a long time ago without the idea causing her any undue stress.
2007-08-13 10:03:17 · answer #3 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. My son recently asked what happens when he died. He's four too. I said very honestly that no-one knows for sure, and actually embarked upon a scaled-down discussion of the beliefs of different religions systems and a comparative analysis of the life-after-death beliefs available worldwide, finishing up with the simple fact that no-one knows for sure. He looked pretty worried about this. So I changed my answer. I said, Well, what happens is, we go to a place where it's very warm and comfortable, and there's lots of fresh fruit all year round, and we get to be with all of our favourite people and it's very pleasant. It's nothing to worry about. He instantly looked tremendously relieved and forgot all about it.
So, I suppose whatever you say, the truth is not terribly appropriate at this age. Give them time to learn about these things for themselves, and at this age, just say something reassuring. Good luck.
2007-08-14 01:26:11 · answer #4 · answered by thunderboltsimone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur christian or any relegion really tell her that her great grandmother went "there"
if not tell her the truth and if she wants 2 go 2 the funeral or the wake let her go she needs closure too.
dont beat sround the bush cause then she will have LOTS of questions after (tell her simply)
u: sweetie can i talk to u?
her: ok
u: great grandma is not with us anymore
her: where did she go? or variations
u: her soul has left earth but her body is still here. great grandma is still great grandma but she is in a better place now.
her: will she visit? or other variations
u: no sweetie she staying there forever and eventuall mommy and daddy and even u are going there too.
the end
2007-08-13 10:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by go go gadget 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If she has a knowledge of heaven...just tell her that Grandmaw went to heaven and she'll see her again someday. I think kids understand and deal better than adults...maybe it's because they haven't been gone long from heaven and they still know what heaven feels like. (It's my belief that we were in heaven before we came to earth.)
2007-08-13 09:58:02 · answer #6 · answered by Becky 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say something to the effect, that grandma went to heaven to be with god and that god specially picked her to come help him. That Grandma is now an angel with god, and is helping him do angel work in heaven and one of her jobs is to watch over all of us, and protect us. something to that effect. I had to explain that to my daughter when she was 8 and that was how I tried to explain it. Good luck I hope this helps. It worked good for my daughter and her grandma was her best friend. I thought it was going to be very hard, and traumatic for her, but she coped well. I also got her some counseling as she got older to help ease the pain or any confusion she may have had.
2007-08-13 09:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do not use the heaven tale, which will in straight forward terms confuse her. attempt explaining the version between residing and non-residing issues, and then clarify how each and every residing ingredient is going via a life cycle and at last dies. a good occasion is vegetation. they bloom interior the spring, yet while its time, interior the fall, they die. additionally clarify that human beings stay for extremely lengthy and that she is fairly youthful and has not something to tension approximately (so she doesnt commence being scared that she will die quickly)
2016-10-15 05:20:46 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a very similar thing happened to my brother, he has a four year old girl and my grandad died a few moths ago, he told her that grandad is up in heaven now and hes not going to be coming back and she was fine with that, she didnt have many questions but she was well aware of what she was being told and when she was asked where her grandad went she would say hes in heaven!!!
although when she was asked where heaven is she said "glendalough" (that's a place in wicklow, Ireland, its a big lake.......no one knows why she thinks its there!!!!)
lets just hope your little girl will be as understandable!!,
good luck!
2007-08-13 10:00:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that grandma went to a better place where there is peace and she is having a great time in heaven and not to worry. That she feels better in the place she is right now.
2007-08-13 09:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋