how to balance?

Question

how do you balance your partner in a relationship. i have been involved in both extremes. the overly possessive bf that wont let u out of his sight, is extremely jealous for no reason and does not trust u AT ALL, and now i'm married to someone who believes every word i say. pays no attention really to what i am doing. is so involved in his own world that the only thing he would miss is dinner on the table and his clean clothes. he is very good to me otherwise. basically lets me do whatever i want. up until recently, it didnt bother me but now i really feel ignored. how do i balance it out. i have asked questions like this before and the response is usually sex orientated. i'm looking for actual companionship from my hubby. someone to be genuinely interested in what i do and like instead of just saying "whatever you want" as he turns back to his own world, of which i am not in. then, when he decides he wants to #@%#, will sit down with me and act like he is interested.

we dont really fight, we dont really connect at all. we have 3 children, only 1 is his true child, but the other 2 assume him as their dad. we have been together 6 years, so i dont want to just throw it all away. its just im getting very lonely and am starting to feel like i need someone there to fill the void. i feel very strongly about my marriage, and would never want to hurt my hubby, but i dont know how to fix us. i've tried talking to him, and we'll do well for a while, but then he always goes back to the same old ways.

we do go out once in a while. we go to the soccer games etc together. his world is "warcraft" he doesnt want to do other things. i take kids to park and ask him to go he stays home to play game i ask him to go out to eat as a family he says no and stays home to play his game. i try ask about the game, but just dont get it.

Answer 1

I think your question is very hard to answer as an 'outsider' .Because I think that certain circumstances cause a certain situation.However have you maybe ever tried the silent treatment also on him in return. I mean to show him what it feels like to be ignored? And just quit doing the things he takes for granted..like waiting up with dinner?
And maybe start doing things he wouldn't expect you to?
I strongly believe that a good marriage is about giving and taking ..if you are a constant 'giver' you might end up being resentful ...that's when the marriage will start falling apart.So you might want to show him eyeopening warning signs and I hope he will get the message.

Answer 2

What I'm not seeing here is what you do in your spare time? Do you go hang out with friends, go to your children's social events (sports, play's, etc.)? You say he doesn't care? Why not take him along on the things you do? Find a baby sitter for the night (if needed) and take him to something you do often. Show him what you do, make him get interested. Eventually he's either going to appreciate everything you do or show some emotion and ask why you never want to do what he wants to do.

Try to spice things up!! Go on a family picnic and take some games or go to a park and get everyone involved. It'll make everyone feel good.

Answer 3

Go to marriage counseling together. also try yourself to think of ways and things you can do to have a world where both of you are participating. Sounds like a pattern of habbits both of you ned to break. Men don't get all emotional, you need to involve yourself in his interests and world even if you don't like exmp. sports etc.. It is going to take a lot of effort from you both, because he is not going to wake up one morning and change his ways. Sounds like he has tried, but is it made to easy for him to go back to old behaviors? What are you doing differently? It takes 2. also you need to make sure you have your own things going on, do things for you. Do things as a couple, and do things with the kids. He clearly trusts you and that is a wonderful thing.

Answer 4

Maybe you could have a specific day where it's just family stuff...no gaming, no work. And another day for just hubby/wife quality time....no gaming, no work, no kids.

I agree with those who say you should find a hobby or something to do for just you. No kids, o hubby, just something special for you...even if it's just an hour or 2 a week.

Answer 5

Maybe if you find yourself a project?.( in case u don t have one of course) I think u won t change your husband, he s been like that always as u say.. u can tell him how u feel and hopefully he ll understand,.. but if not , and u still want to be together, I think a chance is to find something
where to focus and develop others kinds of love and life

Answer 6

You need to involve yourself enough in his interests, to understand what he is doing and be able to talk abuot it.

You say "his own little world", do you even know what his world is?

He will stay disinterested in your world, as long as you aren't interested in his.

Answer 7

Tell him all of the above....except about the two kids not being his no one wants to hear that

Answer 8

you see how cold he is and you stay ??? don't you see that you are clearly making yourself un happy by being with this man ??? yes and he only comes over to you for sex ??? he is using you period, has no time for you but for sex... leave him and find someone who wont use you...

Answer 9

Tell him it is serious and if something doesn't happen you will leave. Or try counseling? I think that if someone else tells him how it is, it might help.

Answer 10

Talk to him, have you told him how his 'what ever' attitude is affecting you?