My boyfriend tells me he loves me (and means it), and though i like him, a lot, i know i don't feel the same.. But there are only so many times you can stay silent, change the subject, or say 'you're lovely' (yes, bad i know!) in return. So is telling him i love him back going to hurt him more in the longrun, if i never feel the same, or am i saving his feelings in the meantime, hoping that i will love him eventually?
2007-08-13 09:19:28 · 58 answers · asked by Libra ♎ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are not helping anybody by not being truthful, not your boyfriend and definately not yourself. As hard as it is, you should be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how you really feel. What would you want if you were in his shoes??
And just remember if you are with someone you don't really care about just for the sake of companionship your soulmate may keep walking right on by you because you're already taken.
Life is short. Why stay with someone if you don't love them???
2007-08-13 09:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely say tell him you don't feel the same way yet. Since you haven't said it yet he won't be too hurt and if he really loves you he'll understand. Make sure he knows there's a chance you will feel that way eventually though so he's not completely discouraged. And as for what to say, i'm in kind of the same situation and I usually just say "I know." He has screwed up in the past so it makes him feel better just to know that I believe him that he really loves me. If that doesn't apply to you at all I would try "Okay, goodnight" or something like that. Anything is better than lying to him in my opinion. But anyway, I hope this helps. :)
2007-08-13 09:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by Cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling someone you love them when you don't is always going to hurt them. Just be upfront and honest with him, that's the best thing you can do and he will respect you more for it. Also you should say how long you two have been dating. If only for a couple weeks, then you should dump him. It's always a bad sign when someone says "I love you" in the first couple weeks, it means they're too emotionally needy. If you've been dating longer than 3 mths and you still see him more as a friend, you should dump him. Tell him you're not ready for that kind of commitment. Hope this helps.
2007-08-13 09:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by goturanswer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you care about this person and you think that you might reciprocate his feelings someday, the kindest course of action is to simply sit him down and tell him honestly that you aren't at the same place emotionally that he is. Lying, in my opinion, is never good for any relationship, and if you're very open with him about how you feel, it will probably actually bring you closer in the long run. Of course, if you're certain you'll never fall in love with this guy, it might be better just to end it. It isn't fair to allow him to put so much emotion and energy into a relationship that can never become what he wants it to be. Let him find someone that will love him back.
2007-08-13 09:24:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Acutally it is maybe he sees this future with u but u dont one day when u decide to tell him u dont feel the same he would be into u and wont want to forget and be devistated but on the other hand if u let him no now he may still have a chance to move on u also never know cuz sometimes love is just a word if u tell him he might say he just said it and u guys could still be together but take it slow
2007-08-13 09:25:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, and I know, that what you are doing is being a liar and a phoney. You don't have to stay silent. You can tell him "Look, we have to talk. I like you. I like you a lot. And I know that you are telling me you love me, but I am not going to deceive you. I don't feel that deep about you. I can't t ell you if I ever will because I don't know. I am not old enough yet to make that kind of commitment, and you aren't either. If you're cool with us just being how we are, and me not lying to you and being dishonest about the way I f eel right now, then that's fine with me. But I can't let you push me into saying things I don't mean, and if you aren't OK with that, then it's time we moved on. I don't want to be hurt myself, and I am not going to be pushed into hurting somebody else because I can't tell the truth. Ain't gonna happen. OK?"
Try that little speech, and if he can't accept it, then I think it would sound as if he is over-possessive, and trust me, you don't want any part of that kind of thing.
2007-08-13 09:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are hurting him by telling him that when you don't feel it. You don't want to risk you never feeling that for him and having to tell him later that you lied the whole time. That would almost kill him if he really loves you. Maybe you should explain to him that you really care for him but you're just not ready to say you love him and know you mean it completely. It still will hurt him a little, but a lot less than later if it comes down to you never loving him. Let him know that you care enough for him to want to explain it to him as uncomfortable as it is to you to do it just so that you don't risk hurting him later if it doesn't work out. Tell him that you will say it when you know you're fully sure of it so that he will know you really mean it when u do say it. Thats the best approach to this if you do care about him and his feelings. Don't keep saying it until you know you mean it.
2007-08-13 09:25:59 · answer #7 · answered by Steve S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you really like him a lot, and that you would like to continue being with him, until finally you can honestly say that you love him back.
It's no use trying to pretend. The truth is always better. Becaue it'll hurt him more in the longrun.
2007-08-13 09:23:54 · answer #8 · answered by Emirii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't play with love. especially with a man because it is already hard enough for them to express feelings and if you were to lie about that you would definitely hurt him and depending on the type of person he is you might get hurt too. Play it safe with the truth then at least you are giving the chance to accept it and see if it can grow or to move on and find someone that might share the same feelings he does
2007-08-13 09:26:03 · answer #9 · answered by TFB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dating doesn't always involve being in love with another person, but it does involve interest in that person.
Be honest with him. Explain that it makes you feel guilty when he expresses that he loves you and you can't recriprocate the feelings, but that you are still interested in seeing him (I'm assuming, otherwise you would've broken up with him if you weren't interested or in love with him).
If he's hurt by that honesty, then at least you can take comfort in knowing you stopped lying to him. Or maybe he'll be Ok with expressing his love for you without you saying it back (and then secretly hope that you'll come to love him one day).
I wish you luck with how things turn out!
2007-08-13 09:29:11 · answer #10 · answered by boom_e85 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋