I'm 28 and having to make a life altering decision. My boyfreind of 6 years wants to move to Baltimore where his mother lives, my family is in Florida. My family hates my boyfriend and says I have to make a decision them or him. This is my soulmate and I love him very much. Not sure I want to give up my family, my sister is pregnant and my parents are not getting any younger. My grandmother will not talk to me unless I "get rid of him" HELP??!!
2007-08-13 07:54:38 · 25 answers · asked by Ambyr F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My family does not like him because he's not "well off" or hasn't really brought anything to my life, They say he's done nothing but bring me down. But money should'nt be an issue when it comes to love..right?? We really haven't gained or progressed our lives. We've been through some tough times and survived with each other. O'yeah he's got 3 kids and doesn't really support them. He can hardly support himself much less me and them. That is why he wants to move, to try to make a better life in his hometown.
2007-08-13 08:54:50 · update #1
Your 28 years old and way past the age your parents should be controlling your life. You are a grown woman. I can understand your parents attitude if this guy is abusive in any way, but if he is loving to you and values you then your family is way out of line. This isnt India where the parents choose your spouse it is a free country.
You just have to decide if this man is the one you want to be with or let go of. If you truly loved him you wouldnt be asking this question, you would know.
2007-08-13 08:11:13 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right answer. This is your life. You should analyze the pros and cons of being disowned by your family. It is not an easy decision.
It's a good thing that you found your soulmate. It's another thing to lose your family.
Moving to another city is another thing. It is never easy to start over. New place, new surroundings, new friends, new job. Sound scary? It is.
Think it through very very well. It's a very big decision. There are some people who can live with being disowned by their families and some who cannot live within themselves when that happens. Find out which one are you then go from there.
I'd rather you have both. But Life is never what we want it to be.
To start your thinking process, why does your family hate this guy? If he treats you well, there must be some other reason. Is that reason negotiable?
If he is an abusive twert. Just stay in Florida. This reason is non-negotiable.
2007-08-13 15:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say money shouldn't be an issue when it comes to love and although that's true in theory, its not always practical. Your family doesn't want to see you living in a crime ridden slum in Baltimore where someone is murdered almost everyday and you need food stamps to get by - can you blame them? Don't get me wrong, I live near Baltimore and visit often, but I wouldn't want to live there if I had no money.
If it's been 6 years and he hasn't been able to get his act together enough to support the three kids he already fathered - which he probably has to do by law - you need to realistically decide if he ever will.
My advise - let him move to Baltimore alone. You can visit from time to time and you'll have the computer and the phone. But you mainly need to see if a few things happen:
Do you like the Baltimore area? It will be quite different from what you are used to.
Do you really miss him? It might seem at first like you really would, but you never know.
Does he really turn his life around? Baltimore has an even higher cost of living than Fl. If he can't, can you picture yourself married and raising kids in a run down 1 bedroom apartment with no air conditioning?
I'm not trying to sound harsh, but its easy to be idealistic when you are young and living with family (assuming that you are - you didn't specify your living situation but it doesn't sound like you're living with him). Some people are happy to go through life just getting by. Others are ambitious and determined to better their life. Its time to decide which one he is and then determine if you can live with that type of person for the rest fo your life.
2007-08-14 10:41:54 · answer #3 · answered by kmunis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could hear more about the situation. There's got to be some reason your family hates this young man so much.
If you're in love, and think he's the one, then move to Baltimore. It won't ruin your life and your family will take you back, or they're not a very good family.
Both places are nice in the right areas, and not so nice if you get in the wrong places. If you're thinking of marrying this young man, then finding out what he was like growing up is important.
This will give you an idea of his character.
2007-08-13 15:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre going to need to do what you feel is right for you. I know that if right now my boyfriend asked me to move to Maryland I would go in a heart beat. We have been together for 6 years too and I love him very much. You need to take into consideration that you have lived here for 28 years (from what i understand), if youre family is not unhealthy theres no reason not to go. You should go on vacation, stay a week or two and see how you like it, can you adapt? Then make a decision based on everything around you. Also, is your boyfriend making you move because he wants you away from your family?! Talk it over with him. Alone you will accomplish nothing.
2007-08-13 15:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by vanessa a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him move there first. Go visit him and see if you like it. Baltimore is SO different than West Palm Beach that you may not even like the city. LD relationships aren't great, but, don't move blindly. It would suck to move all the way there, hate the city, have things fall apart, and then have to move back. You'll survive with him being gone for a short time.
On the other issue - families sometimes see things that we don't. Be open to their reasons and listen without just blurting out "he's my bf - take him or leave him". It doesn't mean they are right, but, if we never listen than we can never learn about new things. ESPECIALLY from grandparents who have lived life a lot longer than us - they know a LOT.
2007-08-13 14:59:40 · answer #6 · answered by Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a TOUGH situation I am sorry. So its not about the location, its your boy friend that is the issue. One thing to keep in mind is NOTHING remains the same.....everything is on the move. Are you intend to marry him ? Then, I would say Go for it, and your family really loves you, then they would love you regardless of your decision. But I do not know your relationship with you and your family. I would like to know the reason why your family has an issue with your boy friend, you may want to work on that first and resolve it.....after all its your life. You would have to make a final decision, no one can make it for you. best wishes.
2007-08-13 15:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baltimore is miserable. Did he consult you about this before deciding to go? Does he have employment there? Will you have employment there?
I know you have strong feelings for him. It is difficult for people our age to lose all of our emotional support systems, however. If you move to Baltimore, how many hours of travel will you be putting between you and your family and friends?
I think that it would be very difficult for a family to actually disown someone because of a boyfriend. The only way that actually happens is if they have strong reasons to feel he is a danger to you - drugs, odd controlling behavior, violent behavior, or doing things for the purpose of driving a wedge between you and your family.
Think seriously and talk openly. It might be that he wants to move to Baltimore but doesn't have the plan in action yet. Talk to him about his motives and all that you would be leaving behind. Talk to your family about your relationship and assure them that there aren't any dangerous influences.
Don't move to Baltimore right away, even if he goes. Give it time for everything to work out. Then if you want to go, have a job and a residence worked out before you leave. Don't start out with him as your only support. Trust me, in those situations, it is entirely too easy to lean solely on him and become isolated.
2007-08-13 15:05:19 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me Talking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay in florida. Baltimore Maryland is such a crime ridden city and a terrible place if you want to raise kids. I have friends from both areas and i know palm beach isnt great to raise a family but it beats baltimore easily.
Even though you've been with your boyfriend for 6 years remember that your family have been with you for 28.
1 person compared to a whole family.
2007-08-13 15:02:11 · answer #9 · answered by kevin f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow do you have a lot on your plate. First you must ask yourself why do they not like your bf? if every one in your family hates him is there really a good reason? 6 years is a long time and honestly if he really loves you he would respect any choice you wanted to make, with planes and everything today you two would still see each other often, then you must answer where is this relationship going? 6 years do you have a ring, ??? you only have one family and hes not your family yet, Don't get me wrong your family could be wrong and he could be a great guy but you must think about it.
Hope this helps
2007-08-13 15:01:59 · answer #10 · answered by naline20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋