i met the most amasing girl who myself and my children love dearly, but she loves the vodca, and when she drinks she changes, gets nasty, then turns things around so i look as though im paranoid??
2007-08-13 04:15:16 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wouldn't walk that path unless she was working on her recovery...if she's still drinking then not kewl to put your kids through that. That's not the kind of role model they need to be around.
2007-08-13 04:18:37 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
hey, I am sorta in same boat as you. My gf acceps she has a drink prob and every now and again gives it up but eventually goes back onto it.
It isn't possible if she is a full alcoholic, but if you can get her to see she has a problem, and as a rsult your relationship has a problem then yes you can work thru it together.
If she refuses to see she has a problem then it is not fair on the children and she must not be allowed round them whilst drunk or even been drinking a small amount.
Love, patince and gentle guiding is your best bet. Try saying you are an alcoholic and the walls will immediately go up and she will be full of rage at you but put it another way like, you enjoy your drink and there is nothing wrong with that, but, you need to know when you have had enough.It will go down much better and be a strating point of a convo not an argument.
She tries to blame you, make you feel paranoid because she herself is in denial, but deep down she knows it is her and not you.
Also, Vodka along with Stella lager (not together has been known and well documented to change some peoples personalitys for the worse. It makes them aggresive so if she changed her tipple aswell as cutting down then things would be easier.
Good luck and think with yout mind and not just your heart as to whether or not this relationship can work.
2007-08-13 04:25:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's possible. If you become a twisted alcoholic as well! That type of woman is not a very good role model for your children, she's not the "Ideal Mother" and she could ruin your household, especially because you said that she turns things around to make you look paranoid! If you get too intimate you might just end up in a loony bin faster than you can say Bob's your uncle! And then, what happens to your kids? It's very traumatising for children to grow up knowing that their father is crazy! It could damage them for life!
2007-08-17 01:44:48 · answer #3 · answered by Foxy S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not possible to have a loving relationship with an active alcoholic. Active addiction makes it impossible for a person to truly love, and I know this because I was an active alcoholic for about 25 years. I've been sober 9 now.
If your girlfriend is willing to get (and stay) sober, then you might have a chance. But as long as she continues to drink, there's simply no way.
2007-08-15 01:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. She may be amazing, but alcoholics are also a minefield. Apart from the drunken rages and general abuse, you have the reckless spending of money, the lying, the paranoia, and possible criminal activity to help fuel the drink problem. On top of all that, there is probably a lot of subconscious 'stuff' which the drink is covering up, and you may not be suited to helping her deal with it. Steer well clear!
2007-08-13 05:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by The Global Geezer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'll most likely always drink and your life would be miserable. If she agrees to help, maybe you can make it. Ask the Doctor to check her out. I went on a drug called Depakote for manic depression and I've gone from 4 or 6 pints a day to 2 a week, it that. Alcohol played a massive part in my life and my cocked up marriage. Nearly destroyed my ex-husband. Take thinks carefully else she'll take you for granted and you'll find yourselves on nights in, drinking beer and arguing. Alcoholism is an evil illness especially for those around you. Best of luck.
2007-08-13 04:23:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, with her it doesn't seem that you two are going to have a loving relationship because one day when she is drinking she is just going to get so out of control that you won't know what to do with her or your relationship. But if you were me you would ride it until the wheels fell off because that is the only way that you are going to know if you are in a loving relationship.
Hope everything works out for the best.
2007-08-13 04:23:37 · answer #7 · answered by SqueakyNVA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Alcohol does not cause alcohol-ism. Being selfish and self-centered is at the root of alcoholism and is the cause. All alcoholics are plagued by selfishness, self-centered-fears. They are generally restless, irritable and discontented people whose entire existence centers around themselves most of the time.
So the real question might be, "Can someone who is selfish and self-centered have a loving relationship?"
The answer should be immediately evident.
Peace,
Danny S
http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com
2007-08-14 13:38:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not possible to have a loving, caring relationship with a drunk. They need to realise they have a problem, deal with it and stop being so bloody selfish and get a grip. Until she realises she has a problem, I suggest you get yourself and your children out of her volatile ways. Even though she may just be mouthy right now on the vodka, she may change at any moment and turn on you and the kids. She needs to wake up and realise she is destroying everything she has precious to her.
2007-08-13 04:28:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out now. My current boyfriend married an alcoholic- and like you he said when she was sober was beautiful and amazing- but when drunk she changed into an ogre- they had dreadful rows - and then she blamed him and said he was paranoid and he was the one with the problem-she drank herself to death by the time she was 42. If you cannot not get her some help (and she needs to want to) then you must take responsibility for the childrens safety and then you must build a safe life for them. Good luck mate.
2007-08-13 04:23:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ellie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the alcoholic quits, then yes. Otherwise, NO. It is virtually impossible. If I were you, I would give her an ultimatum: either the alcohol goes, or she does. You will be doing your children AND her a big favor. Think about your children, for Pete's sake! Do you really want them to be exposed to that? That's a one way ticket to years of therapy for those poor kids. I know, because I grew up with alcoholics myself!
2007-08-13 04:23:26 · answer #11 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋