My mother is bi-polar and crazy!!?

Question

ok, my mother has 5 children and 4 step children. Currently she has 5 of them currently living full time with her (2 step and 4 of hers). I can almost guarantee you that she bi-polar b/c she goes into the expisodes that i recognize from my bipolar friend. yes there is a chance she has a deppression problem as I do, but she's a little bit more extreme then I am. Anyways i am married and no longer live at home but when she has the episodes I usually get called either by her or my siblings in tears and i have to pull the family together. I grew up with this and it caused me to resent my mother for many years. I'm there for her, b/c she's always been there for me during my deppression times, but it's really starting to ware on me. my younger siblings (all under 13) get really emotional about this and start blaming themselves no matter how many times I tell them it's not them. Is there ANYTHING I can do to MAKE her get help? she doesn't beleie in drugs to help her problems but

i know that she can't do this on her own, and i am on anti-depressants and it's a miracle how my life has turned around... PLEASE IF YOUR ANTI-DRUG DONT COMMENT! I need help with this not criticism!!

I do not live with my mother, in fact i live one state and 5 hours away! I feel helpless b/c i can't go and help her, but i have a full time job and a husband/2 cats that i have to take care of. and does anyone know if i were to do a talk with her when is the best time of her moods to convince her to get help? (if she's convincible)

This is for my 11th post, and whether or not you read this i'm still going to say it. You'v obviously never had someone close to you who has a deppression problem. It's not about lieing in bed and not being able to feed yourself, it's about not being able to cop with everyday things like normal people! Its a handicap that theres nothing you can do about it, and there's a wheelchair you could use but you refuse to. Excuse me for wanting my mother to be able to go a whole 364 days and not feel like the world is going to crush her! Yes she works hard, and she needs time off, but she can't have it! Yes everyone has bad days, but does everyone have bad days where they feel like nothing is worth doing, the world might as well crush her, everything is wrong and it's everybodys fault. and there's no thinking happy thoughts at this time b/c everything she tries to think of that is happy her brain will automatically think negatively. So keep your niave and ignerant comments to yourself!

Answer 1

I can completely understand where you are coming from. I currently live with my bi-polar/ OCD grandmother. My grandmother has been a mess ever since I met her and has this god-like complex sometimes. Some days she'll be sweet and the next thing I know she throwing pots and pans. She doesn't believe in medications either.

Sadly, there is no way to make her get help. Trust me, I have tried. Someone will only get help when they realize that they really need it and that there is something wrong with them. It is hard on everyone to live through this. First, I must suggest to try and talk to her honestly (and bring everyone in on this) to express their feelings to her. That they love her very much, but cannot see her live this way. Express the pain you feel and encourage everyone to do the same. Promise that you'll support her if she chooses to get help and describe to her what she is doing wrong.

It may not work, and I know how it feels when someone refuses the help. But the thing that scares people the most is fear that they will have no support and be left alone. But it also is scary and angering to know that you are the only one who is receiving help or perceived to need it. So, bring the whole family in on a counseling session and heal everyone together. That way it doesn't feel as if anyone is being singled out.

I can't say it will work, but I pray that for you it does. Good luck.

Answer 2

It would be hard to force her to do anything. I would just keep reminding her how much the medication is helping you and how much better your life is. Maybe she will take the example. I have an aversion to taking drugs as well, but when it gets to a point where the illness or condition you have is a lot more dangerous than the pills, it's time to reconsider. Just remind her of that. Also to help out in the meantime, why don't you let the other kids stay at your house as often as you can? I know there are a lot of them, but if you could take them all out for a few hours to the mall, or put sleeping bags on your floor and have them over for sleep overs now & then, etc. The more you can get them away from that environment, the better for them, your mom, AND you.

Answer 3

OK, honey, there are so many questions hear left unanswered, what I mean by that is just because she has this expisodes doesn't mean that she is bi-polar, it could also be a stress factor, there are alot of people who bottle up all the depression and stress in there lives til they can't take it any more and they exploded, I ask you, does she work a full time job and take care of all these kids? Or is she a stay at home mom? All these kids at this age are very demanding of attention, food, needy things such as clothes, famine products,and they need to be here or there by this time or this place or they will be at the peron place and they are at the age where helping around the house and cleaning and doing for them selves they won't rally do unless you ride there backs to make them do it, can you imagine having 9 people around always requesting things from you and trying to remember all there needs, I would go nuts myself, that is very demanding, it sounds like to me you need to sit down with your mother and see if she is stress out, or what is setting her off is it the stress, the money or trying to keep up with all the kids, housework, laundry and paying bills, or is it just all of it, does she just need once a day a week to herself, with nothing demanding of her time, and if all this does not work then I would suggest her to go to a doctor and have a professional diagnose her and there are alternatives for a bi-polar person that doping them up, ther are natural alternatives. I know there are times when I exploded, it doesn't mean that i am bi-polar it just means that i am human, and trying to juggle the reality of life, bills, jobs, children,a husband, housecleanning, car maintence, and then trying to find 5 minutes for my self can make anyone go crazy, all I am saying there is a root to this problem take the time and sit down and help to find it.

Answer 4

Mom, thank you for meeting me for coffee, tea, whatever. We need to have an adult conversation, and I need you listen to all I have to say before you respond. I love you. I care about you. I care a lot about my sibs. You have a problem, a serious problem. I grew up with you blowing up and sinking into depression and I got by even though it hurt. I'm now watching you do the same with my sibs and it just shouldn't be that way. You need help. What that help is, I'm not sure, but it is obvious. Stop thinking about yourself and think about your kids. You are hurting them and that damage they'll carry for life. Get over your issues about health care and medication and whatever, and grow up. Here's the name of some therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. Go for an appt and stick with it long enough to figure out the problem. Again, don't think about you, think about the needlessly difficult environment your are creating for you kids.

Or, something like that, maybe not so harsh. If you put in terms of her, she probably won't hear from the sounds of your post. If you put it in terms of her kids, maybe she will. Oh, and don't diagnose her. It really could just be anxiety and depression.

Good luck.

Answer 5

First of all, children and families cause stress. Your mother has to be a saint to deal with 9 children and still be able to be there for all of you. She has no doubt given up most of her own personality to fulfill the needs of the family. She probably just needs some "me time" to relieve her stress and she could probably use some real help from the kids. Why not try having a "mom's day off" and all of you cook, clean and help mom? When she goes into her tirades, chances are that it is not just the immediate happening that set her off but a list of things and this was just the "straw that broke the camel's back." Actually, if you can help your mom, you'll be able to help yourself, too. Here's what you and your mom should do to start and you might just as well tell your brothers and sisters to do the same:

Go to the cupboard and take out a cup. Put your name on it. Now imagine that everything you do in a day fits into that cup. When the cup is empty, it should be washed, dried and readied for refill. So, when you have given your family all you have and are about to blow a gasket -- take out your cup, turn it upside down and tell everyone -- it's empty. Then go take a shower or do something that makes you feel better. Or just take a day off and do what you want to do. When you do that, you actually become aware of your effect on others and you can actually cause positive change. Drugs won't solve any problems -- your mom is right about that. When your mom has an "episode" try to think about what caused it -- both what she says and what is happening in her life at that time. Tell the kids that they should just get out of her sight for awhile or try to clean up or do something that would make her feel better. Remember, you are all part of a team. As a team, your problems are not individual -- they're team problems and when one of your team members is injured or sick, you all have to protect that team member and help that team member. It works. We do it. A turning point in one family was realized when the family was doing their routine antagonizing. The mom was getting dinner ready and was just about to blow a fuse when she just shut everything off. She called the family together and asked this question: When I get really pissed -- what do you guys see as the cause of it? Everyone had a different answer. Then she said that every member of that household is part of the same team and the survival of the household and the peace of the household depends on the actions of the team. So then she went around to every one of the individuals and asked them this question in response to her original question -- what do you see as the cause of my going ballistic? Well, if you know that this sets me off, why do you continue to do it? What's in it for you? What would make it better? Then each of them decided what would be an argument ender -- a time when no-one is allowed to do anything more. For mom it was slamming a cupboard door. For dad it was saying F You. For child one it was "I hate you". For child 2 it was "going to his room and closing the door". Since there can be no reasoning with people when they are upset -- it was determined that we would allow each person to have his/her p.o. time and no one would interfere. When the person was ready to talk or find a solution -- that person would initiate the first word. When dad said "F You", for example. Everyone just stopped and exited from dad's presence. There was not one more word said by anyone else because everyone knew that those words would just fuel the flames and would not help. The only time anyone was allowed to interfere was when the action being taken would cause real physical harm to the person or someone else. You'd be surprised at how a little effort at understanding and coping relieved the number of these outbursts.

Answer 6

Wow. I feel like I wrote this myself, our situations are almost exactly alike. My mom would spiral into these "episodes" when I was growing up and out of a family of 4, I was the one that had to talk her down. Now that she's remarried and living an hour from me, when she explodes into these episodes, she calls me all "I just want to tell you I'm sorry for everything I've ever done, I won't be a bother anymore." It's tiring and worrisome and it just gets old, but what are you to do? She's your mom, you know?

I've talked to my mom before, I catch her when she's in a normal, stable mood and I just kind of casually brought it up. We got on the subject of mental health and people with bipolar disorder and depression and I casually said that I thought she had bipolar disorder because of her moods.

My mom has been to doctors before, years ago, before they took depression seriously. So, she knew there was SOMETHING wrong.

Unfortunately, you can't MAKE her get help. BUT! Next time she explodes into one of her moods, when she starts coming down, you need to tell her that she needs to get help because this is not good for the children, explain to her how this effected you so you know how the other kids feel. Tell her they come to you and they're blaming themselves and it's just not good for them, and if she loves them she'll try to get help, if not for herself then for you kids.

Also, I'm not against drug therapy, but I just wanted to offer up a piece of advice. My mom found an herbal mood stabilizer and believe it or not, it works on her extreme swings. It's called "Happy Camper", she takes them when she feels like her moods are shifting. I can definitely tell when she hasn't taken her Happy Campers.

Answer 7

Is there someone who could mind the children while you take your mother for a short vacation? Try going to a nice hotel/resort for a weekend with the rule "No Talking about Problems at Home". A vacation can work wonders for a person's outlook and attitude.

Answer 8

hi hon.

you can't diagnose your mother -- that's a doctor's job.

she might be overstressed, as well as depressed... possibly bipolar, but sometimes people act out when they are depressed, also.

no one can convince your mother to get help if she doesn't want any... it's unfortunate but true.

the best thing you can do is talk with your mother about how you have been very depressed and what the doctor and anti-depressants have done for YOU.. maybe this will get her thinking, i don't know. it's worth a try.

Answer 9

I do believe that meds are the way to go in most situations. I'm bipolar though and not on meds and I have it under control. My family would like to see me on meds and I would like to find a med that works for me, but I haven't so far. There really is no way that you can make her get help. You can't force her at all. You can talk to her though. You do need to sit with her and talk with her. Get your siblings involved in this talk. It sounds like its time to go home for a weekend. You really can't talk to her when she is out of control yelling and screaming, it usually doesn't work. Now when she does calm down and is between the two extremes that is the time to talk to her about it. Be ready with all kinds of information. If she doesn't want to do meds then suggest other ways to help get this under control. You can't forcer her to do meds, and meds don't help everyone. She needs to see a doc about this and talk to him. He can suggest ways to help get this under control and give her all the facts about meds or alternative therapy. Maybe get her started in group therapy, once she sees other people like herself in the same situation who are helped by meds maybe she will change her mind about them. There are all kinds of new meds and treatments for bipolar disorder. I hope she gets the help that she needs. Like I said I'm not on meds, but I have my bipolar under control. But I do believe that meds are the way to go in most cases! I have a friend who is bipolar and he is happy on his meds, he's a totally different person. I'm glad there are options out there for everyone. Help your mom to find out which one she likes. I know you have a very busy life and that you don't want to have to go take care of her, but you may have to spend a weekend at home taking care of this so that your younger siblings don't have to go through the hell of this any longer. Its very hard on the child when the parent is depressed or bipolar. This is just my opinion, take it or leave it. Good luck to you and to her. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Answer 10

well yea theres always med's and therapy...but it sounds to me like alot of it's stress too, try giving her some "her time" every once in a while to allow her time to recoup. When was the last time she had a bubble bath and read a good book? Or got to watch her favorite tv show without listening to two teens fighting?