Grade school harassment?

Question

My son is 7 and has a kid in his class who first threathened to beat him up at the playground and is now calling him gay. My son had no idea what that word mean, so another kid explained it to him and then two other kids starting chanting gay. My son was mortified and cried when he told me. I fired an e-mail to his teacher whom in turn told the vice principal. They sent the kid to the office and the vice principal addressed all the kids in the classroom about name calling. I told my son to stay away from those kids at all times. I thought that would be the end of it, but it is happening again. I fired up another e-mail to the teacher and waiting to see the result. My thing is, what is the best way to deal with such a thing. My son is nice, happy kid who loves people but I don't want his esteem to go down and start hating school.

Answer 1

Oh god, how horrible, i am afraid of things like this happening to my little brother, he just started kindergarten a month ago. An e-mail to the teacher is fine, but what you need to do is go down to the school, i know it might be difficult because of work or something of that sort, but it is crucial. Address the Principal about the problem and demand the kids who are calling him names have their parent show up to discuss the matter. Your son is young and it can cause his personality to change a bit and feel as if he is not worthy to play like any other kids.

Homeschooling is not a very good idea, he has to get used to being around people. Verbal abuse can hurt though, i remember the day i started kindergarten i had just come back from Nicaragua and i didn't know English. I attended a predominantly all white school and i would get teased, i was teased until i learned English in the 2nd half of 2nd grade. I always look back and it makes me appreciate all the hard work i put in though. I had honors English from 6th grade until i graduated High School =)

Answer 2

I got harassed pretty much all through school. My parents kept going to the teachers and principle about it, but it did no good. These bullies just didn't seem to have any fear of punishment, if they were in fact punished at all (the principles and counselors said they had a talk with them, but that's probably as far as it went). Unfortunately, those in charge of schools today seem to just pass school bullying off as a natural part of growing up and therefore don't do much about it. If it were considered more of a threat and teachers would take it more seriously, maybe incidents like Columbine and such could have been avoided.

Maybe you should enroll your son in a self-defense course. They are taught that their skills are only to be used as a last resort, but just knowing those skills without actually using them can provide a person with an increase in self-confidence, so no matter how bad things get, he can keep his head held high and have confidence in himself. It would be one way to help prevent the bullies from bringing him down, which is likely what they will continue to do.

Btw, if you do consider enrolling your son in self defense but don't really want him to learn how to beat the stuffing out of others (at least, not right of the bat), Aikido is probably one of the most pacifist styles, where the focus is primarily on defending yourself enough so that you can get away and get help, rather than on fighting back and doing harm to the other person.

Answer 3

Thats a tough one, because many dont see "gay" as a negative thing, although those kids are using it in those terms, which is another issue for the school leaders to address. So if you think you're not getting a big enough action from the school, Id use that angle, because besides hurting your son, if other kids are hearing this, who have parents, relatives, etc, who are gay, what message are they getting.
On your sons side, how you said the other kids get involved, it sometimes is harder to get "picked on" when you're in a group. If he can stick with some good friends, it will be less likely than if he's alone.

Answer 4

That totally stinks! But, it's sadly one of probably many taunts he'll have as a kid because some kids just aren't nice. It's a sad reality, but a good time to teach him about how some people are.

Use this time to explain to him why kids do this. They usually do it because they're insecure and want to show-off in front of their friends, so they pick on someone. It's just a sign of insecurity and maybe teaching him some good come-backs will help. (Nothing bad, but enough to let them know he won't be bothered by it.)

Do you have a relationship with the kid's parents? Maybe talking to them would work. You can even ask the vice principal or teacher if meeting with their parents would help.

Just empower your son. I hate the thought of kids doing this and when they do it to OUR kids, it just hurts so much. Make sure he knows he's loved, he's strong, and he can really take control of the situation by not allowing the other kids to bother him.

Answer 5

If it is the same bully as before, I would wait until the teacher gets back to you, but I would also let the teacher know (and the principal) that if it happens again that you want to talk to the parents of the kid at a meeting. Then if it continues, you will go to the magistrate with harassment charges.
What this kid is learning is that it is ok to bully others and if the parents condone this behavior, then maybe cyf services should get involved.
You are your childs advocate and should not back down from anyone when it comes to protecting him.

Answer 6

You could possibly go and talk to the teacher or principal in person.

Obviously the principal talking to the students about name calling did not work...or it would have stopped. The principal should get the parents of the children bullying your son involved.

It is a long shot because every parent wants to believe that their son/daughter is perfect and would not tease or harm another student. But it may help.

Answer 7

When I was in 6th grade the kids in the class constantly made fun of me. My mom was constantly contacting the school, be the school wouldn't really do much. At this point the only thing you can really do is keep in contact with the teacher and see if there's a way you can get your son into another class so he'll be away from the kids who are doing this. Since the teasing and taunting hasn't turned physical yet the VP, and teacher may want to schedule a conference with you and the parents of this other little boy so that the other boy's parents can try taking care of it at their end.
When I was 7yrs. of age there was one older girl who made fun of me each day on the school bus because I had a Jurassic Park lunch box, so when I was 8yrs. of age I wanted to take Karate incase I ever had to defend myself, and incase the older girl ever got physical with her teasing. So my dad enrolled me in Kung-Fu. I made friends, it was fun and I got a lot of excersise.
Or another route you might want to take is get together with the other little boy's mother and schedule some type of controlled play date with the two boys so that they can find some common ground and become friends.

Answer 8

I would suggest e-mailing the parent of the child in a calm way explaining the problem. Tell your son that if this kid keeps calling him "gay" to say that it is not a nice word, someone shouldn't say that...etc. Also, tell him to let the teacher know as well if the name-calling continues.

Answer 9

How sad! First of all I am so happy he told you and I am proud of you for immediately calling the school. I might even approach his parents and see if that will help. I have done that as a parent and sometimes it is with good results, you just never know. I am a grandmother now and I work at a school, that is one thing I address immediately is name calling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is never allowed in my class or anywhere near where I am able to hear it. It is a severe form of harassment in my opinion and needs to be stopped! Your son deserves to be a happy 7 yr old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Your school should have a zero tolerance for bullying/harrassment and that issue needs to be addressed with a face to face meeting with you and the principal. If necessary you need to let the School Board know of these events and the lack of action to stop if sufficiently. You are your son's only advocate, don't let the school tell you are differently. They are employees and are there to teach, administer, whatever, but his best interests are not in their best interests sometimes, so you need to be pro-active here. Good luck and God Bless.