Trying to have a baby...but we know how our families will react.?

Question

I've known my boyfriend for almost 2 years, although we haven't been together that long. We've technically only been together for a few months. Our relationship has moved really last (feelings wise) and now we are talking about starting a family and getting married. We are both not the type of people to move forward that fast and when we starting dating a few months ago we told eachother that we wanted to take things slow. Well, I guess when you know you found the one it doesn't matter how slow you thought you'd take things. We both know that we are going to get married and start a family right away. But our families aren't exactly the type of people who would understand. So I am wondering how I should go about telling our families, when and if I should wait until we are pregnant or let them know we are trying. We aren't even sure hoe to tell them we are getting married. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Oh and I am almost 24 and he is 30, if that matters.

I already have one child (she's almost 2) from a past relationship (father ran out on us). He's been married once before. I am financially independent although things are tight sometimes, but I have my own home and car and a full time job. My mom is in an unhappy marriage and thinks all men are evil and is determined that I finish college before even getting serious with anyone. His family thinks I am just looking for a father for my baby, they are really protective of him cause he was in a bad marrage and don't want him to get hurt. That's really all. I know my dad won't mind, but I know my mom will freak out.

Answer 1

I think you should do what you want to do. If you are having problems deciding haw to tell your families than maybe you aren't ready to commit to that kind of relationship. Families are always there with you and your partner. Me and my boyfriend have been together 7 years and have 3 kids and we still get into huge fights when we talk about our families. Think about how strong you two are and if your relationship can survive a lifetime of extended family members causing problems. Don't rush into anything until you are completly sure. There is no reason to rush into having another child. You both are still young enough to wait awhile.

Answer 2

YES! Your age does matter....to be honest with your wording and such I thought you were much younger.

24 is old enough to know what you are doing, but.....my husband and I were MUCH older and we are having adjustment issues at our age......

go through premarital counseling and be absolutely sure, then get married and wait at least 2 years, then have a baby.

It is not about you, your boyfriend, or your families....it is about the children you will bring into the world. I see so many screwed up kids, and hurt kids because their parents got divorced because "I'm not happy."

Marriage is tough, it is not a game...and children could be hurt.

Be sure, take it slow...you get no redos and at your age there is no need to rush!

Also, you don't need to be getting pregnant until you are married anyway...you need good jobs, a good place to live and good health care.

Answer 3

There's something you aren't telling us. On paper, what you have just descibed, why would anyone mind?? you are both adults...what's there to understand?

Is it that you want to get pregnant before getting married? Why not get married first-again, you are both adults. Commit.

Are you not financially independent? Are there other issues? No? Then get married and start a family. What's the dealio? Just keep your families in the loop so they feel included and are given the chance to be supportive. Maybe they'll surprise you.

Answer 4

i meet my wife 1 yr ago. im am 37 she is 24. she has 3 children left them with her ex becouse she had no place for them. my mother thinks she is the devil. but i love her. we did not intend on getting married but we just connected, so things just flowed into one another. i would wait tell 5mos or so into pregancy then tell her in a kind of public place so she won't flip with out feeling embarrassed, tell her just becouse she has had bad luck with men dosnt mean that all men are devil. i don't realy think it matters if you are married or not to have children. as long as u r not a child ur self and are able to stay togeather as if u were married, then what the hay. u r an adult. and so is he. u both know what it takes in a relaionship and u both know what childern take. age is not a factor, if anything it brings differnt points of views into situations. good luck.

Answer 5

Your old enough to know whats good and bad for you so if you think this guy is the one then go for it but I would give it a couple more months but that's just my opinion. So basically do what you want and deal with what ever comes from it your an adult.

Answer 6

A child deserves to have a dedicated mother and father in a permanent, committed relationship.
You are not talking about just you two as a pair of adults doing what they want --you are now talking about a whole -entire-other person.
When you make your decision please consider how the 'little guy' will be affected , now and in the long run.

Answer 7

I think if there is going to be that big of a problem just do it and tell later. Because you tell now your body can get stressed and prevent or slow you from getting preg. So my advice to you is to just do it , you two are adult enough to handle yourselves and you even said your self you feel ready. Nobody knows like yourselves.

Answer 8

Since you want to start right away, why not elope. You can either tell them before and give them the option to go or just tell them when you get back. It is your life and if you want it to start right away don't let anyone get in your way.

Answer 9

OK well tell them when it feels right maybe tell them when the pregnancy test is positive that might help your mom to except it easier at lest