What would you do?

Question

I just got back from vacation in Wildwood, which is the Jersey shore. We shared a condo for a week with my mother and my 2 brothers(1 and 8) and my sister(10). My mother is known for being a thief and a manipulater but she seemed to have changed so we gave her the benefit of the doubt and invited her on our vacation for the sake of the kids. Now, anyone who knows about the Jersey shore knows that everthing costs about 3 times as much as it does anywhere else. So, to get to the point, my mother went down there with $300 in her pocket for her and her 3 kids for the week. We don;t have much money so we brought down $700 for the 3 of us. She promised in advanced that she would split the weekly food bill with us among other things. She only gave us $60 for food(which ended up costing $300 for 7 people for the week), we payed for my bros and sis on the rides and waterpark with the promise of payback. She used my diapers, swimdiapers, formula, baby food and juice, sunblock, etc etc.

She used us for everything we had and we came home broke and hort on everything that should have lasted us another week until we get paid. We don't have a lot of money and as a matter of fact they make more money than we do by a lot. We kept our mouth shut so as not to ruin our vacation but vacation is over and I want to confront her about it. What should I do? What would you do? Thanks

oh yeah, I forgot this part too....we paid for more than half of the condo and paid the security deposit

and there's more.....my mother-in-law (who wasn't even going with us)drove them down there and came right back home since my step father backed out at the last minute. They didn't offer her gas money or anything and while we were there we had to drive them everywhere they needed to go. I am soo furious

arrangements were made up front to split costs and everything changed on their end at the last minute. They assured me they would be okay money wise for vacation and that everything would be alright. I invited them along for the kids. I love my siblings and wanted to see them have a vacation. If we didn't get the ball rolling they wouldn;t have gone anywhere

we hid the stuff in her room and while we were out doing things she would go into our room and take them....I am 25...my brother and my daughter are 4 months apart

Answer 1

By all means - confront her!!!! As you say, vacation is over & there is nothing to ruin anymore. That is what you call abuse of parental authority. And you also have to think what your in-laws & much more your husband would say? Doing it once or twice is ok - but doing the same things over & over again is another thing.
It's better to let off your steam rather than keep it, you know. And added to that, maybe she thinks you don't really mind it at all. Just give her a piece of your mind, sister. If she gets offended, which i know she will - truth hurts, you know - then so be it. Just make sure that when you confront her - confront her with kindness. Because you see, kindness can sometimes kill - hehehehehehe! :)

Answer 2

Here's what I think and you may not like what I have to say. If you ended up short when you got home, you probably shouldn't have gone on vacation to begin with, but I digress...

First of all, how old are you that your mother still has a baby? Your mother was wrong to take advantage of you. I used to stay at the Jersey shore and I know it's a rip off. You were had on all accounts. If you were doing it for the sake of your brothers and sister, maybe you should have taken them and left your mother at home. If you know someone manipulates and steals, you only have yourself to blame for being taken advantage of. You "let" her "borrow" the things you brought for your child. You could very easily have hidden your things and not let her have access to them.

Answer 3

Why not try the innocent approach. Simply figure up her share that she didn't pay and take it to her. Say, "We didn't really have time to split all the bills up last week so here is an accounting of what you owe us since you promised to split the cost. We'd appreciate it if you could give us a check now because we're a little short this week because of subsidizing you last week.

If she gives you a hard time, its lesson learned and next time if you really want to help your little brothers and sister, only invite them or invite them one at a time to make it more affordable.

Answer 4

I hate to sound hurtful, but you knew what kind of person mom was before you invited her. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do now, just live and learn. Next vacation, go on your own, without mom. If you feel the need to take the kids, just take the kids, not mom. And if you absolutely need to invite mom, get the money up front.

Answer 5

if your mother is notoriously a "thief" as you say, then why would you invite her in the first place? you obviously knew you were taking a chance when you invited her on vacation.

secondly, if you didn't make arrangements to split costs UP FRONT and collected a certain amount of $ from your mother BEFORE you even went on the vacation, it's no one's fault but your own.

i think that you worried too much about expenses you incurred as the result of YOU INVITING family to go along... you have to remember - you invited them.

perhaps next time, go with your immediate family, and don't invite your mother?

Answer 6

all i can say you have learnt now u know next time what 2 do live and learn