Isn't God petty?

Question

"I am the all encompassing, transcendental creator, designer, fabricator and architect of the entire universe, a universe trillions of stars deep.

And I care intimately and personally about your sex life.

So much, in fact, that I am prepared, in the event that you put your penis in the wrong place at the wrong time or with the wrong person or touch it with the wrong hand, to use my omnipotence, my endless reservoir of power, that divine power of creation and destruction that emanates from me unceasingly, to ensure that you are tortured miserably by the blackest and most stinging of all flames forever and ever after you have died.

Furthermore, no matter how upright a life you live, I am prepared to send the same black flames upon you if I am not paid exactly the amount of lip service, praise, and fervent belief in me that I demand, and I even have the taunting audacity to make this threat without even extending the simple courtesy of making my existence obvious.

P.S.: I love you."

Answer 1

Wow that sounds about right-- but you have to add to it..."Love me above all (even your own offspring) ignore all facts that disprove my wonderful Book (and the contradictions therein) and worship me...even though you did not ask for it, I created you so you owe it to me (for the favor not asked but simply granted) that you do everything for me...and I *swear* I'll give you free will. Just, you won't be able to exercise said free will."

Of course, this is assuming that He exists.

Answer 2

"Dear God,

Beds are commonly made for maximum two people to be in it during sexual intercourse. So I would prefer that you keep out of my business in said bed, and keep yourself to yourself. After all, I am not so caring when my privacy is in jeopardy.

In fact, if you do try to put your nose in where it doesn't belong, I will personally see to it that you will be suffering for all eternity when I come to pass and end up in Heaven - after all, I don't have a penis to put in the wrong hole, and I've always used my right hand, not to mention I've paid more than the exact amount of praise etc. (You couldn't count the times I utter "Jaysis Christ" in one day...)

P.S.: Can't wait to meet you!"



And, yes... he/she/it is.

Answer 3

That's so funny. It's like a teenager pleasures themselves for the first time ever and George W Bush rings the doorbell to scold them for being immoral.

God's not petty it's all the people that worship the testimonials of people from 2000 years ago that are petty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh-1JVctSOY
♥Blessed Be♥
♥=∞

Answer 4

God seams to much like a 5 year old to be something I would worship.

Answer 5

good question. i asked something like this a couple days ago. all i got from Christians is it's our priorities that are screwed, not God's.. ... so you can see the path mankind is taking......

Answer 6

To answer your question, no. God is merciful and loving. God doesn't want us to go to hell and that's why Jesus died on the cross bearing all of our sins. Whether we accept or reject that gift is entirely up to us. =)

Answer 7

Hmm, really weird.

Answer 8

That's pretty much it.

Answer 9

*clap*