single mother-to-be. help?

Question

imagine yourself in this situation.
a ninteen year old girl. three months pregnant by a man who is fighting in Iraq. he doesnt know about the baby. she's affraid to tell him and upset him. her parents are willing to take her in. she wants to support herself and the baby. abortion is not even a question. she works with animals and can make a nice living. does the baby need more then a mother? should the man be told? he is loved and loves her but he doesnt want children yet...or so he said last time it was brought up. will he be more mad if i tell him now or just go about it as if he isnt the father and he may find out somehow later......? what would you do??????????

i really need y'all's advice! Please!!!!!!!

thankyou for your advice everyone! you really helped me... I'm suppose to tlak to him on the phone tommorrow night (b/c of the time diffrences) and y'all have helped me understand that i do need to tell him.... he isnt a dangerouse man. He's very reasonable...but i love him so much i didnt want to upset him..... i know that sounds strange but maybe my hormones are playing tricks on me b/c of pregnancy.... thank again....and i'll add details tommorrow of what the outcome is. Pray for me!

Answer 1

sometime men say things because they havent experienced it......when he find out he may be a lil upset....and then on the other side he may be happy....but when he see that lil face light up everytime he look at him/her he will rethink it all over.......TELL HIM...

Answer 2

I am a 20 year old single mother of a 3 month old..If you think he will be a good parent you need to tell him..Yall had sex, and anytime you have sex, you know there is a chance of you getting pregnant..A baby needs someone to be there for them 24 hours a day, to tend to their every need, and most of all a baby needs LOVE..It doesnt matter, if its by a single parent, or by a married couple..If you think that it is best for him to know, you never know how he will react, he might want to be in the childs life, and be a good father..Some men do, but most dont..If he didnt want children yet, then he shouldnt have been having sex..If he loves you*which im pretty sure its you, we are talking about*then he will understand and will help you raise that baby..U should tell him now, your about to be a mother, you need to start thinking about this baby, not if he will be mad at you or not...If he doesnt believe you, have him take a paternity test...That will clear up everything..And if you dont want to tell him, thats your choice..But raising a child is hard, even harder when you are doing it by yourself..Sometimes i wish that my child had a father, but in my case thats is not what is best for her, he didnt want to step up and be a father...I hope you decide what is best for the baby, good luck..And congrats...Being a mother is the most rewarding thing i have ever done, i hope you feel the same!!!:)

Answer 3

( easier if I spoke in "you" terms. Doesn't mean I am directly at you. I am directing at "she" whoever "she" is).

As a wife of a Marine in Iraq, my husband would of like to know if I was pregnant as most men would so they can prepare to take care of responsibility (hopefully, you had a good wise choice in sleeping with a responsible male...) as you didn't mention of he was a boyfriend or anything relationship status.

I think you should give the guy a chance. Not only that, that baby deserves a chance. If this guy was a bad person, you would not slept with him....

I don't know why you are bulking at telling him. He has a right to know. Plus, he will find out sooner and it is best for the baby and yourself he knows. It would be hard on a toddler or older child to find out who their father is and be around him.

Give the guy a chance and the baby. Not right, if he isn't dangerous, to take away a father and child relationship.

He will prob be just as scared as you are.

where at in Iraq is he stationed? Maybe if near my husband, he can talk to him. My husband is a really good listener and talker.

Answer 4

He has a right to know. He may have said that he doesn't want children yet but he is still the father and should be told as soon as possible. That way, if he really doesn't want anything to do with the pregnancy or the baby at least you'll know and be able to prepare and if he does want to be involved it will be a huge help to both mother and baby.

Answer 5

speaking from experience, being a single mom is hard!!! But with that said, it can be done. I was 19 when I became a mom and I was alone by choice. YES, the father should know and be able to accept or freak out about the situation, but you won't know until you tell him. In worst case situation, (he doesn't want anything to do with the baby), then you do it alone. You need a lot of love and some determination to make it work, but it can definatly be done. Good luck:)

Answer 6

I would tell the father. If he wants to be a man and be a father to the child then good for him if not then its his loss. I think it helps for a child to have atleast a father figure whether that be their grandpa, moms friend, uncles etc. But yes the Father has a right to know, if he doesn't want to be a father then you are better off without him, the baby doesn't need to feel like he/she is a mistake and resented. He/she needs to feel loved. Best of Luck!.

Answer 7

I think and this is only me, but I would tell the soon to be father he dose have a Right to know what is going on. You can be up front with him and let him know that you are going to have this child, He can decide to be a part of it or not, Let him know that you do understand that he might not be ready,now but if something changes that he is welcome to be a part of its life.
You also have to remember that Grandparent Have Rights Too. even if he decides not to be a part of the child's life his parents my want to be a big part.
I would much rather be able to tell my child when he gets older that his father did know about him and was given a choice to be a part of his or her life. I would want to get it over with now not in 5 years when you do find the man you will spend the rest of your life with and he wants you adopt your child and you have to then go and tell real father about the big secret.
Good luck

Answer 8

You never know? What do you have to loose, he either wants the baby or he doesn't and if you don't tell him you are already planning on raising the baby alone right? Some men talk out their ASSES and I think once you tell him he will be happy.......especially with being in IRAQ and stuff...it may give him some hope and something/someone to look forward too. Good Luck for you and your baby....

Answer 9

my sister was previously in an all-too similar state. he was in the army, but never went to Iraq. she can't be afraid to tell him- he needs to know. plenty of moms raise their children single-handedly, and are just fine. but, either way, he needs to be told. wether he wants children yet or not, he's going to be a father, and he needs to be told much sooner than later. chances are he will be more upset if you tell him later on, rather than now. my sister had no clue how he would react, and she just had the baby 2 nights ago and he is more in love with that baby than i ever would have thought possible. i'm glad abortion is not even an option. he does need to be told, if he jumps in willingly then that will be great on her part to relieve stress. shes lucky she has parents willing to take her in, too.

Answer 10

i was a 19 year old single mother, when i got pregnet my sons father flipped out, he just graduated high school and was starting college the following august, he left me and we didnt talk again until i had our son, after i had him he came around here and there and our son grew on him, now we have 2 sons together and he's already planning more.....
in my opinion, the man should be told, if he decides to come around then thats great if he doesnt then its his lose, u will have enough love for that baby no matter what.....

Answer 11

Hopefully she didn't get pregnant on purpose but, if she is pregnant with his child then he does need to know and with him being in the military there are benefits that her unborn child is entitled to if it is his child--I say it like that because proof will need to be shown.
The baby doesn't really need more than a mother but to know who it's father is would be a benefit for that child and there is his family that may want to know their grandchild, niece or nephew.