Inter-racial marriage? Opinions please!?

Question

I am mexican-american, grew up observing my parents.It was'nt untill I became an adolecent that I realized how badly my father treated my mom, through time he has evolved his way of thinking. No physical abuse simply verbal and emotianal. My dad has treated my mom like his slave all his life. That is how his mom was treated too.I'm 19, what if one day I get married? I love my culture but I simply don't want to date it. Is my thinking wrong? I've dated a caucasian guy...he was well educated, cooks, cleans, has patience and most importantly religiouse. I don't want to critizice my own race but I've lived through it and to say the truth:most mexican men drink a lot, they want the women home at all times and treat her inferior.I realize it's possible to found in all races.

I'd enjoy to hear personal experiences especially from the inter-racial people.

Answer 1

I've met two couples in which Mexican-American women married Caucasian men because the Latinas felt men within their own cultures treated them poorly by comparison. Both couples have been married for more than ten years, and seem very happy. One couple has two children, and the other couple agreed to have no children.

Similarly, I have a friend whose Caucasian, Midwestern father married an Asian woman because he was an extremely ambitious doctor, and loved the fact that she was also extremely intelligent and ambitious, and wanted more out of life than a husband, a house in the suburbs, and 2.5 kids. My friend's parents have been married for almost forty years and are extremely happy.

Sometimes marrying a person from a different race is just very appealing for certain people. I wouldn't feel any obligation to marry a Mexican man just because you yourself are Mexican -- the Mexican-American community has one of the highest birth rates in the U.S., so it's not like they'll die out if you don't marry a Mexican-American man and produce lots of babies for him. And interracial kids can be GORGEOUS, no kidding.

As far as interracial relationships, the combination of Hispanic and Caucasian is common. I'm from Los Angeles, and it scarcely raises any eyebrows in this town.

Answer 2

There are bums and doofuses in every race. Maybe it's true that some races tend to have some beahviours more than others. But I personally don't think it's right to generalize.

I say go with what and who you like and don't be ashamed. If for whatever reason you prefer Caucasians, then so be it. That said, I would personally make sure that you don't pass up a nice hardworking Mexican, black, Asian, etc. guy simply because of his race.

I have never had a problem with interracial marriage, and I think most don't. My 2nd cousin married into an Asian family, and they've been really happy for 20 years. I love Asians, btw, they are so beautiful!

Perhaps if you met some Mexican families who are NOT like your parents, you might give a nice Mexican man a shot.

Either way, there is no rule that says you have to date any one kind of man, unless you want to, of course. There's no rule that says Mexicans can only marry Mexicans, OR that all all Caucasian men would be a good match for you and will treat you well.

Good luck in whatever you choose, there is no right or wrong here.

Answer 3

Forget the interracial thing. The more important thing is that you do not want to repeat the cycle of abuse.

There are many cultures that believe women should be subserviant to the man and that what the husband says goes. We have evolved as a culture and I believe most people see marriage as a partnership, but there are still people who follow old traditions.

I think you need to make sure whoever you are attracted to whether they are Mexican or any other race, that they will treat you with respect and the way you want to be treated.

If you have a good self esteem and are sure about who you are, I don't think you will have a problem finding a man with whom you will be compatible, BUT if you have a low self esteem and act like a doormat, you will be attracted to an abuser no matter what his race. So be very careful, because abusive men come in all colors!

Answer 4

Culture has a lot to do with how a person treats another, but on the other hand, it doesn't take a genius to look around and see that how you are behaving is wrong.

You don't have to leave your culture behind. If you want a man who shares your culture, that's fine, but be sure that he has evolved enough to know how to treat you right and not use his heritage as an excuse to be a pig. If you would rather get away from your culture, then don't feel guilty about it. We don't choose our parents/race/color/anything when we are born. So the person we grow up to be may be something different than what everyone expects and that's OK. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what everyone thinks, including your family. YOU have to live your life, not them.

Answer 5

I'm Mexican-American. Both of my parents are from Mexico. They have been married 36 years. Unfortunately, in this world there are men that do no appreciate their wives. That is any culture not just Mexicans. It's a shame but true that's why women have to be strong. When they are in an abusive relationship they need to fight back and get out of it. Especially, if there are children involved.

My fiance is black. I can tell you that I was scared to tell my parents about him, because many people stereotype black men. He is wonderful and has so many of the qualities that my father has. I am truly lucky to have met him and now we are getting married. We have a son that is 2 years old. I know that he will get teased, because he interracial but I will tell him that he has the best of both worlds, his grandparents/aunt/uncles love him and his parents adore him. Besides that he so cute.

Answer 6

Sweetie, this isn't really about race, it's about culture. There are plenty of men of races other than yours who would treat their wives the way your father treats your mother, and I'm sure there are more enlightened men of your culture who treat their wives like an equal partner. You need to find a man who will treat you the way you expect to be treated. That man may be Mexican, or he may not be.

I am white and have dated white men, black men, Mexican men and Puerto Rican men. The Mexican man was a little more traditional in how he viewed our roles, but he did not treat me as his inferior--he felt he had an obligation to protect me and take care of me, when I was perfectly well able to take care of myself. It was very sweet, just not for me. I have found great differences among the men I've dated, but not so much tied to their race. Certainly not all white men are like the one you described, either. FInd a man that's right for you, and then think about his race, but don't narrow your choices based on race first. You could be passing up some very good men.

Answer 7

I am half Cuban, half white. Never once have I dated a hispanic man. My father is white, but I have three full blooded Cuban uncles, and have heard plenty of stories about my grandfather (he passed away before I was born). I have no problems with hispanics of any kind, but I think subconsciously, I was turned off to them by how the men in my family can act. I know not ALL of them are that way, but stereotypes do come from somewhere, and my uncles and mother grew up in a 'stereotypical' Cuban household-no speaking English, traditional foods, customs, etc. They didn't 'Americanize" until later in their school years, and the men never quite seemed to let go of the 'woman=slave' mentality. Just don't limit yourself. If you happen to meet a nice Mexican man who treats you like gold, don't walk away just because he is Mexican. Keep your options open, you never know who you will find!
Wanted to add-it seems like men from many cultures and countries who are first and second generation American seem to have that mentality. There are still many 'traditional' countries where the woman is more of a housewife than anything, so you may find that attitude in more places than you realize.

Answer 8

I think I would advise not to judge the entire culture on one example. I am engaged to a man who is half mexican (I am caucasion). We have talked alot about cultural differences, and in his experience, the mexican culture says that a true man treats his wife or any woman in his life like a queen. That it is the mans responsibility to take care of the woman, and that means making sure she is happy. So in our case, that does not mean i am treated like a slave. I do my share of household chores, and he does his share. In fact, last night i went to a party with the girls, while he cleaned the house.

Yes, in some ways there are some old fashioned traditional ideas (he is the head of the household, and wants to be the breadwinner, i will be responsible for the children, organizing our finances), but i guess it just comes down to the man, not necessarily the culture.

Answer 9

Honey there are abusive bozos in every culture, and nice guys in every culture. I've known several Mexican guys and they all treated their ladies like ladies, not slaves. Don't count all Mexican guys out.

But don't count out any other race, either. I'm a white woman who's been married to a terrific Asian guy for fourteen years. If I'd been afraid to date 'outside my race', I'd never have known he was the love of my life.

My advice? Date the guy, not the race. Be open no matter what his skin color or accent.

Answer 10

Though I'm not in an interracial relationship myself, I really don't think you should completely discount the men of your culture completely. It's one thing to say you're not going to ever date someone whose culture involves cannibalism. Not all Mexican men are like this, and I'm sure the ones who aren't would be offended by your blanket statement (though I realize you use the word "most" instead of "all"). Because you said you realize these bad traits can be found in all races and cultures, I think it's important that you remember the opposite can be true as well. You don't have to constantly look towards Mexican men as potential soul mates, but you don't have to completely ignore them either.