How do I react?

Question

I am 20 years old, and I live in my own apartment. I go home about every other weekend to see my mom and step dad and have dinner with them. On more then one occasion (5 or6) when my mom steps out of the room my step dad will hand me $100. I never know what to say, I feel like a babbling idiot because I support myself and could really use the extra money but I feel awful for taking it. I usually say something along the lines of "no no, I cant but thank you." and then he says "you need it, take it." which then I usually do with a very grateful thank you.

Is this acceptable or should I keep trying to turn it down? Do you think it is a little odd that he will only do it when my mother is not in the room?

Answer 1

He is being a good Dad....he just wants to help you a bit without infringing on your independence.
My Grandfather used to do the same thing, except only when my own parents were out of the room. My Grandmother used to say, "If you want something, GRAB IT, and don't ever make a family member feel badly about wanting to give you a gift".
Great advice, and it is so true.

Answer 2

I don't think it's odd. I'm Asian and when I was younger many adults gave me money when they saw me, about 10~20 bucks since I'm little. It's quite customary for far east Asians to do this. Whenever they did, they always tried to act in a discreet manner. Such as pushing a bill into my pocket while casually walking by, taking me to a more private place and then giving it to me, purposely be the last one to leave the house when they are going home so they can give me a bill, and so on. This money giving thing is a method of endearment. They act this way because usually my parents would try to stop them, sometimes quite enthusiastically, or from my point of view TOO enthusiastically.

Although I don't think you're Asian, I would think this behavior is quite similar. He cares and wants to help but doesn't want to tell the world you're doing it.

Answer 3

I don't know why he would wait until your mom's not around. I wonder what he's got to be afraid of. Just make sure later down the line he try to hang it over your head. I give my step-daughters money now and them too. Keep up with the "no, no". That shows you don't expect it, but don't be stupid either - TAKE THE MONEY!!!!

I do it becasue I know they work and are trying to make their way in the world, but I also know it's hard (been there - I'm 45) and money always smoothes out the rough spots. Be thankful he does it. I know lots of guys that would never ever ever do something for someone else's kid.

TAKE THE MONEY!!!!!!

Answer 4

It depends.

If you have a loving relationship with your step dad and mom forever AND $100 is not big deal for them, then it's OK. That would be a loving gesture for a dad to help out his little girl. It is normal. He probably does it behind your mom's back because your mom probably is the tougher "cop" and your dad is the nice "cop".

If you had a horrible relationship with your step dad, then you have to consider his motive. He may try to buy you over, or he may try to change.

If they have no money and $100 is a huge deal for them financially, then it's not OK, whether they love you or not.

Keep your questions simple. Answer the questions within your heart. You know the answer.

Answer 5

Why don't you ask him why he waits until your mom is out of the room to give you money?
My parents always gave/give me money. And, we make a good amount. They feel like they are helping...and they say they like to dole out the inheritance and see us enjoying it. It IS very awkward, and I feel stupid taking it, but it would hurt their feelings otherwise.
Also, when people are trying to help, it is spoiling their "blessing" to be rude and not take the money.
However, because he is a step-dad and doing it behind your mom's back, I would politely ask him why. If he says that your mom doesn't want him to do it, then decline the money.
If he says she wants him to look generous, like it wasn't her idea, then that is a different story.
If he says he wants something in return, you need to talk with your mom and step dad together in the room!

Answer 6

Its what dads do, they like to look after their little girls. It doesn't matter that he is your step-father, he obvboiusly loves you very much. I have a suggestion though.
Why don't you keep the money he gives you, put it in a term deposit type bank account and then at christmas, take the money out and use it to do something really nice for them. Maybe book a holiday for them.

Answer 7

Amanda,u should ask ur mom about it,because it does seem kinda weird that he gives u money everytime she steps out.he may be doing this out of goodwill,and is really sincere in his efforts to help u as a dad,but then again,the act,being frequent,seems in itself to question ur ability to fend for urself and ur independence,and ur mom may not agree with it.
on the whole,the fact that he gives u a hundred bucks every now and then isn't much of a big deal,but then u should avoid creating a stuation where ur mom,or urself,would ultimately feel embarassed by his apparent generosity.

Answer 8

wow your step dad sounds like a really nice guy... I think its just his way to show that he cares and he wants to help you out when he can. I think its ok for you to take the money.. maybe one day you can help him out when he needs something... Maybe he gives you the money when your mom is out of the room because your mom feels its more her responsibility to help you then your step dad ??

Answer 9

I think you should take it,I think it would be more offensive to deny it than accept it. it would make your step dad feel alot better to know that hes helping you out and more than likely he worries about you and how you'll survive with little money so when he gives you the money he feels like hes done a little on his part to sustain you. Just take it.

Answer 10

Depending on how well off your parents are, you should sit and have a talk with them. I am sure they are only wanting the best for you and to be able to start your adult life with as much help as they can give. Explain you really do appreciate it and are grateful, but you also need to be independent as much as possible. You could also throw in that if you really need help with something, you will ask their advice or help.