We "converse" as neigbours do, but I wouldn't say we are great friends, and we tend to talk about work/dogs/neighbourhood .. as that's what we have in common. Months and months ago..she said her wedding invitations were ready and one was there for me. As far as I'm aware, the etiquette for wedding invitations are that you get them 6 weeks prior to the wedding. On her last phone call (ages ago) she said "ah i'll get round to getting it to you.. but at least you know the date"!!!NOW..my dilemma! I'm feeling slightly peeved with this! I feel like I'm an extra to make up numbers, at the wedding and to supply a gift! Am I wrong to think it's "rude" not to have received an invitation by now? It's not going in the post as she lives a few yards from me..so it's not lost in the post.
Am I wrong to feel, it's not my place and go and pick up the invitation from her house?? At what point do I just decide "not to go"? Sorry peeps but this is bugging me..any advice appreciated! x
2007-08-12 13:34:40 · 19 answers · asked by lala 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
PS..just to ask also..as someone said something re this.. if you are only invited to the evening do, as opposed to the full wedding.. do you /should you still take a gift? I was planning on getting something..but what is the etiquette?!?! And the reason this is "bugging" me..is that a/ i need to sort our my calender if I'm defo going b/ need confirm dog sitter c/ need confirm my date (a friend who is coming with me) and d/ I need to know if I've to get prezi or not. I'm not stressed re this..but it's just bugging me a little! Many thanks for some great answers so far...and omg if I go...I hope there's no fighting. Drinking and dancing..that'll doodle do me!!!
2007-08-12 13:52:32 · update #1
PPS..as it's a little far away there is a bus running to the wedding and reception..so it's not something you can just turn up at anyways. I just feel that in order for me to DEFO confirm I am going..i should have the invite as opposed to "oh you know the date". I have no arrangements re the bus that is being put on etc, without her inviting me and telling me!!! Wedding is 9th September.. we're now 13th August..what should be my deadline to say NO!! I'd like to go to see her etc and the place is nice, where they are getting wed.. but I'd like time to make my plans. SORRY TO RANT ON PEEPS >> SORRY!!!
2007-08-12 13:55:29 · update #2
i think she is been nice to you.and like you say you are not great friends.so if you dont get the invite dont go.and the next time you see her.just say i did not get a invite so i thought.it was just for family and friends.
2007-08-12 13:42:20 · answer #1 · answered by peter o 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, eh?
She probably does want to invite you properly, but the dilemna is - to what part of the celebrations?
No matter how you handle this...it's goign to be awkward for you. Maybe you could call around on some other pretext, like does she know of a good dog-sitter for the day of the wedding; that would have the effect of opening up wedding talk, but it wouldn't sound like you called around for your invitation.
If it's just an evening invite, could you pool your resources with someone else and buy a group present? Or if not, a small token present is fine. A full-blown invite is a full-blown present.
A colleague of ours handed out most of her invites by hand; she kept saying to the office crowd - "I'll bring in the invites tomorrow". Except she didn't. The thing was, we were in the same no-man's land...was it a wedding invite, or just to the afters? Invitations finally came two weeks before the wedding...but only four out of twenty got wedding invites; and ten got evening invites; the rest got none! The chosen few then had a mad scramble to book somewhere to stay, as the wedding was 100 miles away....guess what? HE called off the wedding the night beforehand; not only was the poor bride devastated; all those who had booked hotels lost their deposits; some were forced to pay in full; and money spent on presents and new outfits went to waste!
Call to the house, then there can be no ambiguity about what she intends. If she is still beating around the bush, just ask her straight out...I'm not too clear which end of the day I'm expected there....I need to make arrangements for work/the dog/ the family/anything you can think of; can you put me straight?"
2007-08-13 06:34:04 · answer #2 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you not want to go? If not, than just don't go (although it sounds to me that she wants you to go) Out of kindness, you can still give a little gift (something cheaper than what a typical guest would give since you're not going but you want to keep peace), but you don't have to if you don't want to. There is really no rule saying a guest who doesn't attend the wedding has to give a gift.
If you really want to go, you should and gave time. If you have time, go over to her house and ask if she needs any help with little things for the wedding (like getting favors in order), maybe than this will open up the convo as to guest and where the invite is. There could be many reasons why the invite hasn't gotten there yet, but push it off as if it's the post office's fault. Just by the way she acts, you can call her bluff and if she's lying or not.
I really don't think she's inviting you to be a seat filler. To me it sounds like she's taking advantage of your close living situation and you chats. She figured she gave you an verbal invite (which cost less in the long run) and will give you the paper sooner or later.
2007-08-12 13:58:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know the date since you know it's in 4 weeks. Maybe with all of the wedding planning she just hasn't gotten around it bringing it over yet. She probably sent all the others and forgot about the one with unique delivery needs. She knows you know when it is so maybe it's not a top priority.
That being said she should send it so you can be officially invited. Maybe next time you see her just ask her "how's the wedding planning going" and hopefully she'll say "oh gosh I still have your invite, I'll go get it right now while I'm thinking about it." Otherwise just don't go. You don't want a rift with your neighbors over this so be civil but don't stress over it either way.
2007-08-12 13:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by az 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally think that she could have given you the invite by now.
My friend got married in June, and we all knew the date, but I didn't assume I was invited until I got the invite, and I hope she didn't assume I was going until I responded. But she sent out her invites with 3.5 weeks to go and I think that is a bit rubbish myself.
If you don't get an invite, and you don't confirm your attendance (which you can't if you don't get an invite) then any bride worth their salt would phone all the people who haven't responded to see what her final numbers are. Unless she isn't having seating arrangements that is, and the hotel/caterers don't want to know how many they are cooking for, which frankly, I think is unlikely. If she is doing this to everyone, there could be anywhere between 10 and 100 people going and the caterers just couldn't guess how much to make.
If you like her, and you want to go, then wait until there is 2 weeks to go, decide that she cannot possibly be inviting you, as my venue requires me to confirm final numbers 10 days before the wedding.
This bride sounds very disorganised.
2007-08-13 04:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by fire_woman_1978 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, personally, if I had told my neighbor she was invited and just hadn't ran the invite over to her I would probably assume she knew. Perhaps she's just very very busy and hasn't had a chance to run it over to you... isin't the verbal invite enough?
As for going, if you want to go, go. If you want to buy a pressent, buy one. The pressent doesn't have to depend on if you are invited or not. You could give a gift just beacuse she is your neighbor/friend.
If you really can't decide to go without the paper invite in your hand, call her and ask her for the details of her wedding. Time, location, etc. Just in friendly conversation...this may prompt her to offer to bring over the invite so you have it all in writing.
Also, some people just aren't so good at planning things. She may be rather overwhelmed and not know that invites are supposed to be sent 6 weeks ahead of time. She may be thinking, "hey, i still have a month."
I really wouldn't fret. You could also give it a cut off date. If you haven't recieved it 2 weeks before the wedding, you will not go. If it is before then you will. 2 weeks sould be enough time to get a dog sitter. (Do you really need one for just a few hours?)
2007-08-12 17:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only go if you get an invitation. If you don't get one_be polite_ just give a small gift to mark the occasion_especially to keep the peace if you continue to be neighbours. If she asks why you didn't show at the wedding_be honest_you didn't receive an invitation & thought she decided to have only close family & friends. Also she could be stupid & you will get the invitation two weeks before the event. Regardless of what happens_don't worry_do you really care ?
2007-08-12 13:54:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's just your neighbor. Don't go if she doesn't get you an invitation. Do not buy a gift until you get the invite. If you do get an invite, decide whether or not you want to go. Maybe you have better plans, maybe you prefer chilling with your pooch. In the mean time, if someone invite you to another event, I would recommend you skip the wedding and go to the other event.
Sounds like you're a filler. If she wanted you there, she could have hand delivered the invite to you.
DO NOT go over to get one.
If you do go, I would just get her a small gift. Doesn't sound like you are important to her.
2007-08-12 16:40:18 · answer #8 · answered by ladyellei 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't get the invite, don't go. Don't go over to pick it up either. It doesn't matter how busy she is, she can take five seconds to drop off your invite.
After the wedding, if she pouts that you didn't go, tell her that you didn't get an official invite and you didn't want to be a party crasher.
If you don't get an invite, then I wouldn't bother with a gift either.
2007-08-12 17:23:35 · answer #9 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just wouldn't go if I were you. You haven't received an invitation yet so you're not even formally invited. And if your neighbor asks why you did not come just tell her that you had other plans that you could not break and you just weren't sure if you were invited because you were never given an invitation.
2007-08-12 14:52:55 · answer #10 · answered by Emily G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is clearly not inviting you to day-do. Therefore you do not need to buy a present. If you think it will be a good party at night then ask - she will be all too pleased that you are taking an interest and will love you to be there.
Its her wedding - she will not want to use it as a place to start battles - she's probably just a bit busy with seating plans and stuff.
2007-08-12 13:45:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋