Have you ever had to admit to your parents that you've lost your faith?

Question

I grew up being taught all my religious values by my very religious parents. I became a devout christian myself, up until the age of about 18. I used to read the bible every night, pray before every meal and throughout the day. Then I started having doubts. I just felt that God didn't answer any of my prayers, and religious people seemed to be amazed and clappy and jumpy when something happens which can easily be put to coincidence (like they pray that their bus arrives and when the bus arrives after a few minutes, it is suddenly some kind of incredible miracle).

I have lost my faith, but I still go to church every sunday with my family, still abstain from certain foods on certain days, I even go to confession when my priest keeps calling me to nag me into it. Ive been trying to drop hints to my family to break it slowly. I am terrified of being disowned or hated by my very religious parents.

Help me!

Answer 1

It's a very painful thing to do. The fact that you're currently living a lie and on here trying to find a way to break it to them, shows that you love them very much.

A few things that might help.

- You're an adult. You need to start taking small steps towards your independece where religion is concerned. Tell them you'll go "once a month" or that you've decided to give confession a pass. If they freak out, remind them that you're an adult and wouldn't that be a matter between "you and god?"

-When you have the talk with them, remind them of that fact. Tell them that they certainly don't agree with THEIR parents on many things (and list some examples) and you know they don't expect you to agree with them about many things.

- You might consider using the word "Agnostic." People find it less offensive and "shocking" than Atheist.

- Say this phrase a lot... "I love you." Be calm and if they raise their voices, insist on continuing the conversation when everyone can remain calm.

- Remind them that you are still you. Remind them of the morals and values that they gave you will remain in you. Tell them that even if they reject you, that you still love them.

I've been thru this with my parents. We came out the other side and have a very loving relationship now. We just don't pray together or talk about it any more.