should we allow "visiting rights" to my mom for our daughters birthday?

Question

Normally my wife and I get along with my mom very well. The only time my mom is mad at me is when I fight with my mega-bytch sister. We were going to have a big 1st birthday for our daughter, but my mom is miss negative and complained that we shouldn't. So instead, we told her that we will have one for my wifes family on Sunday as planned, and if she wants to have one on saturday at her house, thats cool, and she can invite whomever. But, as we expect, she is going to ask to pick our daughter up, and have a party with my sister (whom I'm not speaking with), then drop her off later as if it is "visiting rights". Should we put our foot down, as we don't want our daughter to have to be raised this way? Would you be offended? What is best?

Whem my mom was at our daughters christening, she complained to the guests how it wasn't great because my wife and I arent catholic. She made everyone uncomfortable.

Answer 1

Ya know it's your kid and if grammy doesn't like your family, then grammy may miss alot of birthdays. No she should respect your family and keep her thoughts to herself. No you shouldn't let her take your daughter to her place for a party. If she can't handle sharing this big day at your place with all the family, then maybe she should just stay home. I'm serious, DO NOT let your mother interfere in your family. Oh and don't invite the sister.

Answer 2

Tell Mom that if she wants to come over for cake and ice cream that is peachy, but she is YOUR daughter and until Auntie 'gets a grip' she is OFF LIMITS.

Granted while a One year old really has no clue what is happening, if you want to throw a BIG BASH then by all means do so....if Grams wants to come great, if not that's HER loss........YOU pay the bills and she is YOUR child.
You can invite who you want, where you want, when you want and there is not a DAMN thing she can do or say.

If she wants to scream LEGAL RIGHTS, then I'm sorry to be the one to puncture her balloon. UNLESS she has a piece of paper from the Courts granting her Gaurdianship of some sort her rights are NIP, NADA, ZILCH and TOUGHLUCK, Grandparents have NO legal rights.

You let her start now and you might as well kiss your sanity goodbye and be prepared to have her question your every move when it comes to disciplining and raising YOUR child (not to mention how your wife cooks, dresses,cleans,shops).

The role of a parent is to : Love,Guide, Discipline, Instruct, Motivate and Encourage.
The role of a grandparent is : Spoil, overindulge,feed them sweets and send them home to mommy and daddy.

So ....NO she can't come and pick her up, but if she wants to come to the party or come over and have some cake and ice cream and snuggle time that's fine.
Put your foot down now or your gonna have a hard time of it later.

Answer 3

If i am honest, and i was put in your situation... I would say NO, because as you said "assault sexual assault & Rape" - would that not be advisable when you will have a house filled with children & adults...? If he wants to see his Daughter, then supervised access would be a lot better - as you can then keep an eye on them, or have someone do it for you. I don't think that this would be the right situation to put your child in. But at the end of the day, this is you choice and your choice alone...its something you would need to think long and hard about. Hope you make the right decisions x

Answer 4

I would say that the decision is yours as far as where your daughter spends her birthday. Your mother should respect your wishes concerning your daughters upbringing and what type of family members she is exposed to. If your mother is going to continue to make negative comments about your decisions, put your foot down and tell her that until she can stop acting like a petulant child just because things aren't done the way she would do it, she can't come over to play. For a child to grow up hearing nothing but put downs and negative comments about their parents is not only damaging to their trust in the parent/child relationship, it makes it difficult as they are growing up to respect their parents decision concerning their welfare, and the motivation behind those decisions. Both you and your wife need to take a stand now concerning your mother's behavior, or it will only get worse, creating tension between you and your wife, and eventually between you, your wife and your child (ren) as time moves on. Best wishes on which ever path you choose.

Answer 5

Sorry, but it sounds like you, your mother, and your sister, all have maturity problems. Maybe it's the heat. But whatever it is you should work harder to get along. That would be the thing I would not want my kids to pick up on. As for their Grandma and Aunt, they have a lot of love to give your kids that they will not get anywhere else. Let them love your children, and let your children love them back. Family times are to be cherished. See what you can do to mend those fences. Be the first to reach out. If nothing else it will put you ahead in the maturity level, and that will be good for them as well.

Answer 6

For the life of me, I can't figure out why you would even consider allowing your Mother to dictate what you should do for your Daughter's First Birthday Party. You should have one party for your little girl and invite both sides of the family to the party.

Answer 7

I can't imagine why your mother would tell you you shouldn't have a birthday party for your own daughter! If you allow her to have her way now you will be setting a dangerous precedent and more will follow and eventually it will be your daughter who will suffer. So start now, tell your mother you have plans and she is welcome to come or not, period. Then stick to your guns; the most important person in this family scenario is your daughter, think of her and do what's best for her future....don't set her up to have to choose.

Answer 8

Your mom is a royal pain in the behind.
If I treated my son the same way that your mother treats you, he would tell me to "hit the road, mom. I don't need any of your drama in my life."

I'm the one who taught him to be outspoken so it wouldn't offend me at all. This is your life now. All her rights to control ceased when you turned 18. Put your foot down. She doesn't get to call the shots. You're the boss now.

If she is offended, tell her to make an appointment with her psychiatrist and whine about it to him because you don't have time to listen to her.

If she is offended, she is trying to manipulate you. Don't encourage that behavior by rewarding it. You're in charge now.

Answer 9

Since she complained you shouldnt, I would tell her she made her choice then and the answer is no. She is just trying to manipulate things. Dont let her.

Answer 10

Not enough data. What is basis for problem w/ 'mega-bytch' sister?