How to deal with this, what would you do?

Question

I know this person who is for a lack of better words to describe her very "difficult" to be around. I have known her for 10 years or so and she has continually been one of those "friends" that you never really want to do anything with, but feel guilty if you don't atleast do something with her now and then. She puts up the biggest fuss over the smallest things everytime we go out. Its very embarrassing to even be seen in public with her because of her annoying tendencies. I don't feel right telling her no all the time (or even lying to get out having to do stuff with her) but when I do go out with her I feel like I have really wasted my time and energy "trying" to have fun only to be miserable half the time. I have tried confronting her with the issues that bother me and that just starts an arguement and I don't want to have to deal with the drama. Does anyone know an easy way to avoid hurting her feelings, yet gives me an excuse not to be around her? BTW we are both single women.

Thanks, so far your tips are all great. However, writing a letter is futile it will also start drama as she will track me down at work, in public, or call me and start crap. She doesn't realize that she is the problem. She thinks everyone else is just too immature. She is older than me (and our mutual friends who also can't stand her) we have all tried to talk to her and it does no good. We can't find her a boyfriend so I'm in the process of finding one for myself. Thanks sexy dixie boy, good idea!

Answer 1

I have the same problem with a friend that I've been best friends with for over 10 years aswell. Its a hard situation to be in, but you have to do what's right by you.

This is what I did to help my situation so I hope this may give you some hope / ideas with you own situation:

I decided that because my friend was extremely demanding starting issues over the smallest of things. If we were at a restraunt you could see myself trying to sink under the table whilst my friend would rant and rave.

If we were at a clothes shop I would prented to be looking at anything other then my friend ranting and raving at some ppor sales assistant at how short the t-shirt sleeves and and how long the shirt is in the body. And do not get me started with the public transport system either. Oh lordy!!!

In the end I found I too was changing into this bitter and twisted person and I was not liking who I was becomming. So I decided that right then and there I would change. So I enrolled myself in a hobby that I alwaysed liked and I knew they would have no interest in and suddenley I became busy, And as my hobby grew so did the lack available time I have with my friend.

There was nothing the friend could say because she "knew" my excuses for why we couldn't catch up were.
Now days I'm lucky that if I catch up with my friend once in a blue moon. Sure we may e-mail, but that too is now easy down to the occasional e-mail once a month type thing.

Hope this helps you

Answer 2

Evidently, one-on-one doesn't work! Write her a letter! Explain everything you're feeling. Also explain why it was necessary to write the letter. You don't like conflict and arguing. You feel more comfortable writing her.

Now...don't be judgmental or mean and degrading. State your case. You feel uncomfortable when she behaves in the manner you describe here.

State that your personality and hers have grown in different directions, and you no longer share the same idea of relaxation and entertainment. For this reason, you feel it best that you go your seperate ways. wish her every happiness and success in life and wish her long life and good health.

Keep it simple. Do not 'finger point'! Do not condemn her for something she may not be able to control. Keep it objective, and state your position without laying blame. Tell her you still think she is a good person. Compliment her wherever possible, but avoid accusing her or admonishing her for personality traits that neither you or her may be able to change. It's quite simple. Avoid confrontation. Avoid her, in person. Move on!!!!

Answer 3

I don't understand why you make yourself miserable by going anywhere with her. Maybe you could inviter her over to watch a movie and eat popcorn, then at least you all wouldn't be out in public. That is if you think you have to do something with her.

Or you could writer her a letter and tell her the truth. "I don't like doing stuff with you because . . . whatever . . . so I'm not gonna be your friend anymore. Goodbye. Problem solved.

Answer 4

My cousin used to run around with a gal like that, and it was always a competition thing, both of them were single too, my cousin got all the attention, so the other one, made life horrible,,,,ran off many men,,,,and ruined many a night for my cousin,,,,,I finally was the one who put it out there to her,,,,we all went out one night, and she started complaining because me and my cousin were the ones getting the attention, while she just stood there,,,,,,,it wasn't our faults,,,,and after hearing her whine incessantly,,,I finally told her that HER LOUD MOUTH, AND OBNOXIOUS ATTITUDE WERE ENOUGH TO DRIVE ANYONE CRAZY-- WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO TALK TO HER IF THEY HAD TO LISTEN TO THAT ALL THE FLIPPIN' TIME!!!!!-----I guess she took the hint, because the next time we went out, she actually kept her mouth shut, and couldn't shoo enough of them away,,,,,,,,sometimes, you have to be blunt,and tell them it is them,,,,,sometimes, they don't get it----and you being her friend-will either jump up and tell her the truth, argument or not,,,,or you will just end the friendship, cuz it is TOO much drama,,,,,,
If you aren't a drama queen, what you doin' hanging with one,,,,,nothing will ever change,,,,unless you open your mouth, and even then,,,,,it may change nothing,,,sometimes, people are just that way, and nothing you say or do will change that, so if it won't or doesn't change, ditch her, and get a true friend that you can have fun with , who won't always ruin your night, that you don't have to lie to or run from, ---those aren't signs of a healthy friendship gal,,,,,,,step back and assess the situation. k?
Good luck to you

Answer 5

Why is this person your friend? Consider what you have in common, and capitalize on that. Being friends doesn't necessarily mean going out... she can be a friend who you enjoy makeovers with, cook at home with, do community service with. Whatever you both enjoy doing together, stick to that to avoid feeling like you're trapped in an impossible, unenjoyable situation. If she suggests something that you don't want to do, it's OK to tell her no. If your friend isn't cool with that, maybe she just doesn't feel like being your friend anymore.

Answer 6

Why are you so worried about hurting her feelings when she has no regard for yours? Just say no and continue to say no until she stops asking you to join her. You don't need to make excuses. You have the right to choose your friends. Don't continue to waste your time with this person. Eventually she will find someone else to annoy.

Answer 7

Your friend sounds like my grandson's gf. Luckily I dont have to be around her that often, but when I am, I sometimes become physically ill. I wouldnt worry about hurting your friend's feelings too much. People like that dont have the same sensibilities as other people. If you can avoid her, I would do that as much as possible, because you'll never be able to change her and, as you said, talking to her is futile. I have asked other family never to leave me alone with this woman. You do whatever you have to do to protect yourself.

Answer 8

You need to just get over your guilt about not hanging out with her. Obviously it's not worth the trouble and stress you end up enduring. You're making a choice to spend time with her, so make a choice to make life easier. Stop hanging out with her, and if she asks you why, be honest (even if it means repeating the same stuff) and tell her that she just isn't fun to be around. No one can blame you for not wanting to hang out with someone who's a drag.

Answer 9

psssh no deal i choose my £10,000 howdy do you think of there actually is a banker on deal or no deal? or is noel purely speaking on the telephone to himself? or something stupid like that

Answer 10

Tell her straight out you are developing new interests and will not be able to spend as much time with her as you used to.