OK, so here's the thing.
A couple of weeks ago I went into my sister's room, and she wasn't there, but her diary had been left out.
So...I had a quick read of it (we can talk about the moralising later, let's stick to the question for now) but it seemed as though she had a "secret boyfriend" - there were a ton of references to this mysterious guy.
Anyway, today, she asked me to install a program on her laptop while she went out and (please don't hate me, I've bought her a king-sized chocolate bar!) I had a quick look at her files, trying to find out about the secret boyf.
BUT it turns out she's totally made him up. She's got a whole profile on him, how old he is, his likes and dislikes, how many kids they have together etc.
Is this normal? My sister is 15, and I dunno... seems like she should have left this thing behind her 10 years ago.
Should I say something?
If so, what? I don't want to hurt her.
2007-08-12 08:28:18 · 44 answers · asked by Legate Tatiana 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe it's her way of figuring out what kind of man she'll want to marry someday. She might be trying to sort out what she wants out of life. I think it's probably normal, I wouldn't worry about it. I think it shows she's a deep thinker.
2007-08-12 08:36:22 · answer #1 · answered by mrsclovis 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your sister could be suffering from a lack of attention. Some people try to attract attention by making up things. It's called compulsive lying. I do believe your sister has taken it too far. Without any help, she could lie so much she won't be able to differenciate truth from fact. I would first talk to your sister, just the two of you, and see if you can help her. If she denies the fact of a "fake" man in her life, you may want to speak to the parent she feels closest to about it, and have a 3 way talk. Let her know you are concerned about this. Be encouraging, and be there for her. Maybe encourage her to become active in an after school club to meet guys that share her intrests.
It may be possible that you need to seek professional help in your sisters case. Does your sister have a habit of lying repeditively even when the situation wouldn't be normally lied about? Does she stretch the truth to make herself look better to her peers?
I once read a story about a girl that did the same thing that your sister is doing. The girl was in middle school and made up a boyfriend, put his name on everything, and was totally playing the part. These lies about her "boyfriend" ended up tearing her apart. Her grades dropped, and she became very unhappy. She eventually confessed in a school counselor about her troubles and how she felt so lonely. She made up this boyfriend to get attention from the other girls. The counselor and her came to a decision of getting rid of the "fake" boyfriend. To make it less embarrassing for the girl, whenever anyone would ask about her "boyfriend", she would just say that they broke up. Soon, this "boyfriend" was all forgotten. Is this something that your sister would be willing to do?
I am afraid that your sister has taken it too far considering she said that she has kids with this man. It might be harder for her to get rid of the "boyfriend" than just saying that they broke up.
If your sister is still in school, i would definately have you, a parent, and her school counselor talk. It's free and confidential.
Best wishes!
All these things are placed here for your consideration. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!
2007-08-12 08:57:58 · answer #2 · answered by bynkl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
then but out, this is her business and if she is doing this , she is doing it for a reason? maybe to make a certain friend look bad or to make a guy jealous. dont embarass her by letting her 1 know you sneaked thru her diary and 2 went thru her files. what is it hurting by her doing this. nothing. yes it may be a bit wierd and we all have our lil secrets so thats not ok to tell her something about it. leave her alone and let her do her thing as long as she doesnt try to run away with this guy.good luck
2007-08-12 08:47:28 · answer #3 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is normal at all. A 15 year old girl doesn't make up a husband like that. I think you should talk to her and/or take her to a psychologist. Hope i help, and don't come out with it to make her sound crazy.
You could also not take her to a psychologist and you could just watch her and ask if she has a bf or if she likes somebody.
She could also just be planning her future or something like that, which i think is normal, so keep and eye out for her and make sure she isn't hurting anyone or anything.
2007-08-12 08:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by ~Taylar~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is rather normal for a girl of 15. She is fantasizing. Better now than when she is 45 and the unhappy wife and mother of 6. Once she gets it out of her system, she will begin looking for Mr. Right, whom she will never find.
Then she will settle for reality, knowing for sure that there is no such thing as the perfect or imaginary man.
2007-08-12 08:34:15 · answer #5 · answered by The Parthian 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is your father not in the picture? If not, that is probably why she has made up this imaginary boyfriend. She sounds like she could use a father figure in her life. This is a phase and it will pass. One day she will have a boyfriend and all of these things she has made up will be long forgotten. Don't worry about it and what ever you do don't ever bring it up to her or tease her about it. You could screw her up for a very long time.
2007-08-12 08:38:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not exactly normal but how could it help her if you said something??
If you say something
1) She will find out you invaded her privacy.
2) You will embarrass her
3) It probably won't help her, because it's not as if it's a HUGE problem - she's just a young girl a little bit carried away with her dreams of a husband (and she is keeping it to herself so it's obviously not affecting her life adversely.)
Don't worry about it. :D
Good luck
2007-08-12 08:38:51 · answer #7 · answered by Jasmine B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unusual but not harmful. You know, perhaps she is really, in essence, making a plan for the kind of man she wants to marry and the kind of home life she intends to have.
Now if she starts talking like it is all true and confuses reality with fantasy, that is entirely different.
2007-08-12 08:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by americansneedtowakeup 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
See, that's the bad thing about snooping: you don't get the full details and you can't confront the person without being interrogated.
Since you don't know all the details, don't worry about it. If you hear her talking about this "man" in an unusual way WITH you, then you can talk to her about it and see what it means.
No reason for you to be worried and no reason for you to snoop anymore through her things.
2007-08-12 08:48:27 · answer #9 · answered by alexwizardgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is fantasizing and nothing wrong with it. And do not think 15 is some big age to start with.
She probably has the ideal man in her head who she wants in her life eventually. It is her personal fantasy and you have no right to intrude in this very private matter.
Mind your own business and get on with your own life.
2007-08-12 08:34:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋