When i was three..my mom kicked out my dad..he was an alcoholic..&& my mom was doing what she thought was best..they were never technically married..but he did along the line..ask for her hand in marriage..then again..he was drunk..for about 6 years..he only vistited..probably..about 15 times..at least..&& everytime..he was drunk..he would spend the night..then leave the next morning before we could say bye..well..a few years ago..we moved..&& didnt tell my father..their wasnt a way to get a hold of him..but after a year && a half later..he was in my room..sober..for 2 years..&& back in my life..now..i am 14 years old..&& i JUST found out a week ago..my dad is married..&& has two girls...I am so confused..I jus need to know..should i be mad at him..or not??..or upset..jus something..i am just soo confused..&& i got highschool coming..
2007-08-11 19:15:38 · 8 answers · asked by Secret Ninja 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I went through this type of thing with my father too. I'm grown and have kids of my own now but I do know exactly how you feel in this situation. It seems like you do want some type of relationship with your dad but memories of how things used to be hold you back. In a situation like this you have to go with what your heart says. If you decide to start building a relationship with him you should know that it will be painful and you will get upset but hang in there and it will get better. Remember that it will be weird for the both of you. You also have to communicate with him, let him know your boundries. Be honest with him even if you think it might hurt him. Why do I say that? Well because the things you will say to him will be your true feelings, feeling he put there. You should also be glad that he is sober so take that into concideration ok. As far as his new wife and his 2 girls; this will be a new relationship so make it what you want it to be. He has put a lot on your shoulders at such a young age. Just hang in there and do what you feel is best for you and NO ONE ELSE! I hope this has helped you. Good luck and best wishes with either choice you make.
Melinda
2007-08-11 19:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by Melinda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal for you to feel angry, confused, rejected, etc.
But I would not recommend that you therefore treat your dad badly because of it. Since you were so young when this all started, you really might not know all of the details. Not to say your mom is wrong, maybe he really was controlled by his addiction. But people can change too. The most important thing is to express how you feel to your Dad But be willing to repair your relationship. This will benefit you for the rest of your life. And this may not be something that you can handle alone, you may need to see a Therapist to help you work through this feelings. Also, take your time. You don't have to be on a deadline and have to have all of this picture perfect by the time school starts. It's best to leave the past in the past, and work on the future.
2007-08-12 02:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, No...you shouldn't be mad at him. Alcoholism is a serious disease. My father still has it..after 30 years. He too is married and on his own. I didn't see him for 15 years..not even one time. But My Mom didn't want him and his problem around us. So she never let it happen.He needed to be with someone ..so he met someone else. Although she never cared to sober him up.
Maybe your father learned that this will happen to him again,Lose his children and wife..so he changed ...sobered up...and made his life better. Now he is sober and wants to be in your life. You can't blame him when he couldn't be around you guys. It was your mothers choice to take you away.
et by goners be By goners..He is there now and wants to part a part of your life.
I talk to my dad now, only because my mom is so worried he may die from his drinking..that she put the past in the past. It could take something as small as you not wanting him around...to trigger his problem again.
2007-08-12 02:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by Chocolate_Bunny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have the right to feel angry about this unfortunate situation. You have to remember that this is not a act against you. I can say we all have done things in our past that we aren't proud of. The most important thing is your dad is now sober. Your dads new family is not going to go away and you should take this opportunity to get to know your sisters. You might even have something in common
2007-08-12 04:03:08 · answer #4 · answered by coopchic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite a shock to you, huh? You need some time to digest all this new information not to mention family, which by the way can be a fun thing. Talk to your dad and ask him to help you sort all this out because you want to have a good relationship with him and your siblings.
2007-08-12 02:28:37 · answer #5 · answered by sorri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thing u should make your mother your footslave and father 2 u can forgive them coz the 2 of them hurt u
2007-08-12 02:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Enad Al-naser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find an al-anon or al-ateen meeting and go to it everytime it meets.
2007-08-12 02:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you have the right to be angry thats something that he should of talked about to you
2007-08-12 02:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by CRAZZY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋