I feel a need a boyfriend. But are my reasons right?

Question

I have been through a lot of emotional problems lately. I'm going to be a freshman in college later this month, have been debating over my choice of majors, dealing with family issues and feeling really lonely because I'm in Texas and all my friends are in California. I've been keeping in touch with them online but it's still not enough.

I feel that I need a boyfriend, because I feel that I need some kind of emotional support that my parents won't give me. I need someone to be there for me, hold me when I'm troubled and to talk to about my interests. But is this really a reason for "needing" a boyfriend, or could this be taken care of with friends?

I hear so much that you don't need to be in a relationship because they're nothing but trouble. What do you guys think?

-X-

I'm 19 years old and my last boyfriend was when I was 15. I broke up with him a few days after my 16th birthday.

Answer 1

A boyfriend will not help you fill your void of the emotional support of your friends and family. Maybe you should talk to someone who can help you work with the inner you. A counselor, a psychologist. Maybe these are issues that you need to resolve for yourself, not find an exit to your problems that at the end might cause even more chaos to your situation. I am just saying before you add fuel to the fire, you should be okay with yourself and only if you are truly interested or feel a connection with this other person then is when you can go for it, otherwise stay away from that dilemma.

Answer 2

I will say that a boyfriend can be there for you, hold you when you're troubled and talk to you about your interests, but that usually doesn't come until you guys are together for a while.

Your reasons for a needing a boyfriend isn't the best and sometimes friends can't help you with your problems. What you really need is someone who doesn't have any ties to your life, like a therapist. They can sit down with you and sort through the emotional baggage that you're carrying around.

As for your majors, I'm going to be a junior in college and while I've picked my major, I still am not sure if it's something that I'm passionate about. You don't have to choose anything until the end of your sophomore year, so just relax. take some fun classes, see where your true interests lies.

Hope everything goes well and good luck with college!

Answer 3

Hmm. Overly emotionally needy. No one will find that a highly attractive attribute.

A friend going through the same things to commiserate with, and be able to laugh and share things. There should be others around who are also far from home.

People are not attracted to overly whiny people, even if it legitimate. You may attract predatory guys who will "need " something entirely different.

Join some clubs or at least get in some study groups with people who can help you take your mind off the family issues, so you can really be yourself, and make some real friends. Not a needy, upset self.

Once you have some settled time, if you still need to share, these new friends will want to be there for you when you need them.

Answer 4

I understand exactly where you are coming from, but you need to be careful. Some guys may take advantage of the fact that you are looking for someone for these reasons specifically, and end up hurting you in the end and leaving you worse off than you were in the first place.

Try not to confuse your feelings for needing a friend vs. needing a boyfriend. I'm a guy and one of my best friends is a girl- we connect on a deep level and she supports me and I support her through things, but we don't have to be in a physical relationship to do that :-) If there is someone you can talk to about things and support that is terrific, but they don't "have" to be a boyfriend to accomplish those things. By all means its completely possible to find a genuine guy that will be there for you, just be careful because I wouldn't want you to get hurt and leave you off even worse!

Answer 5

Being in a relationship with a guy can cure you of all those feelings. The only time you can get into trouble if you choose the wrong guy and fall head over heels in love with him. Get a man, you can talk to them, if he's from texas he'll introduce you to new people so you won't miss your friends from california so much. I think you need a boyfriend too.

Answer 6

First I'm a guy and I think you should know that many guys are not very mature relative to girls/women of their age... Have you ever heard the expression "don't count on someone to make you happy."? It's corny but it took me 15 years to figure that out. Make friends, just friends (guys or girls). When you are feeling emotionally stable and have settled in to your new home and college and feel confident, then open the door for a boyfriend but don't make it #1 in your life (just let it happen). The first year of college is always the worse. Study hard but not too hard (try to achieve a balance of fun and good grades).

Good Luck :-)

Answer 7

Do not let your feelings control you.You will find a man when the time is right.Yes we all need emotional support but do not let consume you or you may make a wrong choice when it comes to picking friends and a man.I used to allow my feelings of loneliness consume me and I made some bad choices because of it.I have moved around a lot and found it hard to make friends but i did.So chin up.If you need someone to talk too e-mail me.God bless

Answer 8

honey get a life, live for yourself and quit letting everyone tell you how to live. sounds your a smart person in books, but get some common sense to yourself. you only have one life to live in this world, and it should be for you. do what you believe would make you happy. try maybe dating and then go from there. i believe that would help your feelings about yourself and then you can let yourself be the judge from there. stop letting people tell you how to live your life, because you will never be able to do what everyone says for you to do anyway. that would be a hard job for any human being to do, and live like everyone thought that you should. no wonder you don't know how to feel, to many people are trying to tell you how to feel. you should be old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong. and you know what?, you, nor anyone else can be right all the time. love yourself and go with your own heart.

Answer 9

I don't believe you should "need" a relationship for any reason. You should have a relationship with someone because you want to and because you have strong feelings for them. Maybe your feeling lonely is making you think that you need to have a boyfriend in order to fill some other void in your life.

Answer 10

dsr_jr & true_value5's advise were good.

If you're emotionally unstable right now & feeling empty try not to involve yourself to someone or enter on a relationship especially when your down. You have to heal yourself or make yourself whole again by internalizing, meditating or prayers will do a lot. It's hard to give love to another person if your empty of love inside. You have to love yourself more first enable for you to give love to others.
I remember this high school teacher of mine once told her class, give your 99% to studies & only 1% to inspiration/relationship. But let me revised that... for you to be able to be a successful student alot 90% for your studies, 2% for recreation, 2% for your friends & families & only 1% for you inspiration. Email me if this formula will work & share this to your friends. Good luck dear & God bless!