As long as I can remember my Dad has been an alcoholic. He had stopped drinking for a few years, but he began drinking again about 2 years ago.
Anyway, ever since I was little he would say mean things to me like, "I used to love you when you were a baby, but not anymore". That was when I was about 11 years old.
Recently he, my brother and I went to New York. He got so drunk they almost didn't let him fly home, but the plane was delayed so they ended up letting him go. Then he started yelling at me on the practically silent airplane in front of a bunch of strangers calling me names and swearing at me because I had to call my Mom and let her know that they weren't going to let him fly home. He called and apologized the next day, but I can't get these incidents out of my head.
There is plenty more, but I think you get the idea. I'm 24 now and on my own with my own family. My dad and I were never close and only have polite conversation when we do talk.
Should I let these things go?
2007-08-11 17:11:38 · 7 answers · asked by ljv1975 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would advise you to just let these things go... you can't do anything to change it. For your own sanity try to distance yourself as much as possible. Holding on to the bad memories will handicap you in the end. So it's really important to let go of the bad memories.
It's really his problem. Alcohol causes people to act totally different than they would sober.
2007-08-11 17:21:16 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through. Been there. My father was also abusive. However, it was physical abuse. Abuse is the same no matter how it is given. Funny thing though, abusers ALWAYS apologize after the act.
I heard my father tell his best friend that he wished we were never born. I only remember him the many times he would beat us. When I turned 16, I threatened his life if he ever laid a hand on me again. It was at that point that I realized, he was not my 'Dad'. He was a stranger who made it possible for me to be born and nothing more. After that realization, I was able to have a life of my own and I have not regretted it. I learned that he was wrong. I was able to accept love and have a family of my own. I never let his abuse over take my life.
My father has since passed away. It has been 30 years. To this day, I have yet to set foot at his grave. You see, he may have been my father, but, he was never my dad.
Let things go. There isn't anyone who would look down on you for wanting to be away from that person. I know I wouldn't look down on you. It takes courage to accept that he is not going to change. You do not have to let him be a part of your life.
2007-08-11 17:31:25 · answer #2 · answered by Diana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been driven into the dirt for a very, very long time, my friend. I refer to you as "my friend," because I have experienced similar circumstances.
Walk completely away. I mean it. Have the balls to break ties. Your dad is not your life line. He's sick. It's not your problem but his.
It took a lot of guts to type this on here. Find a safe place, AWAY from your dad, surround yourself with supportive people. If anything, love your own enough to protect them from this leach. Until he gets help.
Blessings and strength to you.
2007-08-11 17:25:16 · answer #3 · answered by gentle understanding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contact a group called ALANON, they work with people in just your position. Look him straight in the eye and tell him you forgive him for he knows not what he says or does. Alanon can be found in any phone book. If you need help, call AA and thll them the problem and they will get you started inthe right direction. there are contacts/chapters in every town
2007-08-11 17:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by auhunter04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm from LDS and that is a beautiful book. You should read it. You shouldn't hold a grudge towards him. Forgive him. Show your love towards him. But you can never hate your dad no matter what. You must never hold hatred or contention in your heart. Just forgive and forget.
2007-08-11 17:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by Gaby C. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to let stuff like that go
words hurt espesically coming from your dad,who is suppose to love you unconditionally
do you think he was treated that way by his dad?
or maybe just because the alcohol?
i know neither one makes it right
i will pray God will heal your heart and mend you and your dad's relationship
2007-08-11 17:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by crystal h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
least he has a reason, mines that way for the heck of it.....read the book the miricle of forgivness, its an LDS book but it really helped me and i nejoyed it....good luck, and pray that you can forgive, i know its hard.....
2007-08-11 17:18:36 · answer #7 · answered by dimondbacks7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋