what if my 16 yr old son is physically able to go get a part time job, but refuses to work for min. wage?

Question

and he does not want to work in restaurants. He wants his cell phone minutes, clothes, CD's, movies, everything, but he does not want to contribute any money for the light bill or food. He snuck out with the extra set of keys that were hanging in the kitchen & took my car 2 weeks ago after curfew, and he got my car impounded, and he got a ticket, and they gave me a ticket saying I allowed him to drive without a license, but I did not know he snuck out until I heard the police officer knocking at my door at 11:30 p.m. I should not have to pay for that ticket, because he took the car without permission. We go to court on Aug. 14th. I cannot even get him to clean his room or closet, but he wants me to give him money for his phone. My friend says tell him if he cleans up his room, then he will get the money for his phone, and if he don't then no phone. He is going to really have to earn my trust again.

Answer 1

ok food and lights are out you can't ask him to pay that till he is 18. he is still a child for 2 more years. but phone cd's movies... i don't think so. Step one clean out his room.... with really big black trash bags. you bought the stuff you can legally do what ever you want with them. leave 3 outfits in him dresser and the bed no joke. everything is a luxury. no tv no computer nothing!! take the stuff somewhere eles grandparents sisters hell rent a damn storage unit. but don't let him know that it's not in the trash. lock those car keys up in a lock box and keep the key around your neck. That boy needs a job too. you got two years before he's on his own. you need to get it through to him NOW that life aint a free ride or your gonna have all kinds of problems later that you can't do **** about!he will hate you for a little while but he will get over it. he does NOT run your house, YOU do!!! step up to that. you are not an ATM, he has no rights to a pone or tv or whatever. you worked for the money he can to. good luck honey, put him in his place:)

Answer 2

Don't let him go anywhere or do anything until he shapes up. Get him enrolled in some type of program that helps teens that are headed for trouble. Tell the truth in court and let the judge determine the proper punishment to pay for the ticket. Check and make sure he wont be charged for stealing your car first though. Sometimes courts will do this.

In the meantime, don't give him money for anything until he does work around the house. Don't give it to him piecemeal either. Make him do chores for a whole week before he gets a dime. Has he been grounded from any and all activities since the night he took your car? He should be for at least a month.

Making him contribute to paying household bills is harsh unless you absolutely need the money. If you do, then take him to fill out the applications yourself. If not, just pay him an allowance but only after he has done chores for a set period of time and apply some of that money to paying off the ticket. It is vital you put an end to this behavior as soon as you can. Is his father around?

Answer 3

As a dad I would be very angry, which isn't the best way to solve problems. Sounds like you need to cut the money flow to him and maybe take back the cell phone etc. until he can earn it back. Tell him it is important to get a job and earn some money - maybe match his paycheck or a portion of it (don't match cash or you will be matching the same wad).
It may be you have a deeper problem that requires some family counciling - taking the car out without permission is pretty serious and I don't hear that he was especially contrite about it.
By the way the fact that you may have a lot of money is no reason why he has a right to it or a right to decide to not work.

Answer 4

WOW... after doing all of that and causing your car to get impounded etc etc.. just think of what else could have went wrong. I was always made to do chores becuase i was a part of the household and i got a small allowance, but never anything big like a cell phone or anything (they were not yet very popular then).... evenso.. if i wanted extra things like more clothes than my mom bought me for school or cds or other vanity type things i had to earn the money myself and i would get some money from allowance but i started babysitting at like 12 and got a "real" job when i was 16. I couldnt even get my licence or a car until i had a job to pay for it.... I think your child is acting like you owe him everything when you dont. I would say that making him clean his room for his phone is more than fair. I think that because of what he did however- he shouldnt be able to get the phone. I think he should have to work off the amount it costed or is going to cost for the court and the car impound. Or he needs to get a job and pay you part of his paycheck till it is paid off... By letting him "get away" with doing that he is going to think that he can get away with it all the time and children (even teens) do need dicipline. Think about when he is older. If his behavior continues and is unreprimanded when he is say 21 and does something like this the consequences will be a lot worse than they are now. I had a freind growing up who was like this... she would lie to her mom all the time and steal things from her.. never want to "earn her way" took her truck and had it for 2 weeks (the cops couldnt find her apparently) and her mom always "forgave her" and thought that she needed to because it was her daughter but she has completely turned her life upside down. She is only 22 and has been in jail many times, has 3 kids whom she doenst have custody of, has felonies so she cant get a job...... it doesnt seem serious now.. but think about the future as well as yourself. You sholdnt have to go thru this all

Answer 5

Your ground rules should have been in place from when he was in elementary school with regard to his responsiblity of cleaning his room & the consequences. At what frequency do you give him money? Does he have a set allowance? Is the phone in your name or is this a pre-paid phone?
Let it be known to him that he is "of age" & capable of work to start earning his own money to pay for any "extras" such as a cell phone. If he is so unwilling to work and he is expecting money from you for things, let it be known that at the least he should clean his room, take up some extra chores & assist you (ie. shopping, cooking, cleaning, helping with smaller children-if there are any) If these chores do not take place, then no money from you to him. These are not his needs, they are his wants. A forceful restriction may help him realize he can & should take responsibility for his wants.
The necessary bills of the home (ex. light bill) are your responsibility & I wouldn't expect him to contribute to that unless he remains in your home after 18.
With regard to the ticket, make sure the judge knows that you DID NOT give him permission to drive the car. I don't know how much this would limit your liability as you did not press charges to the police against your son for stealing the car.
Teenagers are worse than toddlers to me. Every generation breeds worse teenagers with increased amount of disrespect. I have a toddler now & I pray for the future.

Good luck!

Answer 6

This is, my dear, the age of entitlement. Most every child thinks life should start out wonderful and just get better. They should start a job that makes top dollar, and have the instant prestige and recognition... the fancy cars and entertainment systems surrounding the underground pool.

Most kids don't know what work is. It scares me what our future will be like. Things have been handed to them from birth.

My suggestion would be to tell him either he gets a job... whatever job... or he will lose the computer in his room... the phone in his room... his playstation... his skateboard... the movie collection. Start taking things away and tell him that every single one cost you something, and if he isn't willing to start going through the sometimes hard process of growing up, then he is going to end up with nothing but the wall to wall carpet in his room. Sometimes tough love stinks, huh?

Answer 7

Who is the boss here you or him.He only does what you allow him to do. He has a rude awakening if he thinks he is gonna go out here and make 10.00 an hour flipping burgers. I would not give him any money for his phone until he earns it. If he does not want to clean his room get garbage bags and put all his clothes and any other stuff on the floor. Make him earn his stuff back. Let him no you mean business.

Answer 8

Make him earn what ever it is, since he refuses to get a job then find something around the house for him too do to earn what ever it is that you are paying for. Make him work real hard, because remember he is the Man the foundation of his family the Head and not the tail, without the Head the foundation will fall, so teach your Male Son the right roads of life and remember that Men live on their strength and their pride and Women live on their emotions and their weakness.
I put my son out at the age of 16 because he didn't want to follow my house rules and wanted too party with his friends, he came home drunk and I threw him out. Now he has a family and a job and when he has problems is still is kicked out( never coming back to live with me). Make him work for what he wants and needs.

Answer 9

We cut off our son's allowance, phone, bought enough school clothes to get by with. If he didn't help with house chores, he didn't get fed at the family table, had to cook his own. We loaned him the car if he brought it back with a full gas tank. Of course he didn't have money, so no car. It took almost a full semester for him to see the problem and get a job. From then on, he paid for his own phone, gas, and extra clothes. And, he did very well, even saving several hundred dollars to spend at prom time.

Answer 10

Lady, with all due respect, you need to take control over that brat of yours. All he has done is absolutely ridiculous. He needs to get his "grown up' behind out on the street and get himself a job. The sense of responsibility should be taught as early as possible on children. This is not a big of a trouble *right now* but what's gonna happen in a few years? He doesn't want waitress or anything like that. He have an ambitious one here. BUT, you think he's gonna be mature enough to handle college? I don't think so. You need to do something about him, and it has to be right now.

I wish you the best of luck.