I will never get to have my father daughter dance...?

Question

My dad just passed away and I am planning my wedding. I am feeling terribly selfish. He won't be there to give me away, to dance with me, to see me or to give me advice. I feel so empty with out my Daddy. I just don't know how to have a real wedding or life with out my father.

Answer 1

It won't change the facts but have a memory candle on the alter for your dad during the wedding and if you can stand the emotion then have the band/dj play a song for you and your dad and make sure the floor stays empty or you could go out on the floor with a picture of your dad and dance a little then have your husband join you.

When ever you have a memory of your dad then write it down (don't put it off or you might forget it) then when you have children of your own you will have all these wonderful memories of your dad to share with them. Also, when you are missing your dad you can read over these and have some good memories to re-live.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. I'm sure he was very special to you. My dad was killed in a boat accident when my mom was pregnant with me so I never had the chance to ever know him. He'll stay with you in your heart though.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss...and i totally understand where you are coming from. I am 24, just starting to think about getting hitched, and I lost my Dad a little over 4 years ago. Many of my friends have gotten married recently, and I can't go to a wedding without thinking about him, and how he won't be able to be a part of mine. I completely lose it during the father daughter dance, but luckily my friends are understanding. I am just glad that my Daddy was able to meet my future husband before he passed. My two sisters are in the same boat, obviously, and since I don't have an uncle or brother I am close to, they are going to walk me down the aisle when the time comes.
I know this isn't really an answer, but i want you to know you're not alone.

Answer 3

I too just lost my dad a few short months ago. June 7th. I am getting married on 9/22 and have included him in everything. I am having a continuous show of pictures throughout the whole reception of me and him on a screen. I am lighting a candle at my wedding and I am playing a song just for him. I am also putting his boutineer in his chair. I was very close to my Daddy and I know how hard this is. I too feel empty. It is hard but there is only one answer I can give you on this situation. He is there with you no matter where you are. Ask him and he will call into your heart with the answer. God is there too help too and he will never give you anything more than you can handle. If you would like to talk you can email me. I will be praying for you even though I have no idea who you are. But may God Bless you and your family in your time of need.

Answer 4

My father passed away before my wedding, but while it hurts you can't and shouldn't put your life on hold because of it. I had the additional heartbreak that my Mother had recently passed too. Instead of asking my brother or godfather to walk me down the aisle I walked by myself. I did it for a couple of reasons, 1. I walked down the aisle a single woman and would walk back a married woman with my husband. 2. Because I didn't think anyone had the right to 'give me away'. Many people asked me after wards how I could do it, I must have been so strong to have such a smile on my face as I walked down the aisle, my answer to them was that it was easy because my parents were 'walking' with me. That's the way you need to think about it. He may not be physically with you, but he'll be there right by your side the whole time.

I think you should talk with your clergyman or a professional grief counselor to get you through this rough time and help you accept the reality of your Father's passing.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Please accept my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your Dad. My dad passed away four years ago, and I still miss him very much. I know how you feel. I'll be getting married soon, and I will definitely be aware that Dad isn't there. You can still find ways to remember him and honor him in your wedding. for example, you and your groom could choose a song that was meaningful to you and your dad. You could wear something in his favorite color or wear a piece of jewelry that he gave you. Before your ceremony, you could light a memory candle to honor your dad as well as any other friends of family members who are no longer with you. In your wedding program, you can have a short statement about your Dad and perhaps a quote. Any of these will help you honor your Dad without turning the wedding into a second funeral.

As far as getting on with your life: it takes time. For the first couple of years, anytime I looked in the mirror and reminded myself of my Dad (i look a lot like him) or caught myself doing some little thing that he would do I would lose it and cry. Now, I notice these things and smile. I didn't force myself to feel better, it just happened gradually. You didn't say how your dad died, but if he died after a prolonged illness make a point of looking at good photos of him from a time when he was healthy. My dad died after a 1-year battle with brain cancer, and watching his health deteriorate was heartbreaking. It was very hard for me to get the image of Sick Dad out of my head. Regularly looking at good photos of when he was fit and healthy really helped. I also lit a candle for him each day for the first few months. And I took advantage of grief counseling services offered through my employer.

I promise it gets easier. You will always miss him, and that's normal. I know that right now thinking of him is very bittersweet - but mostly bitter. As time goes by, it will become more sweet than bitter.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

though I am not planning my wedding or anything like that, I know what you are going through. My father died when I was 8 and that is something that I have thought a lot about lately because I am now 21. I don't know how recently you lost your father, but if the plans aren't too in place, you might want to push it back so that you have time to mourn. Do you have an older brother or an uncle that has been influential in your life that can walk you down the aisle? Hopefully you do so that you don't get left feeling like you had to cut out a large part of your wedding. Take the time needed to heal. My condolences.

Answer 7

My sympathies to you and your family. It's ok to feel selfish. You could set up a memorial table for your Dad. Put his picture(s) on it and some candles and/or flowers. You can have something put in your program about Dad as well. What's your Dad's favorite song? Maybe play it for a dance at the reception with your Mom or a sibling or close relative? I know no one can replace your Dad, but is there a brother, uncle, grandfather, close relative or friend that can help out with the duties?

I'm sure what ever you chose to do it will be perfect.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss. It is really hard to go on and make happy plans after such a terrible thing. Tell me, was your dad selfish? Would he want you to just stand still and grieve? I don't think so. My son-in-law's grandmother died shortly before their wedding. We had a memory candle lit for her right before the ceremony. In the seat next to his grandfather, I put a bouquet of her favorite flowers and she was mentioned in the program with much love. One thing you can do, instead of allowing someone else walk you down the aisle, walk alone. In your bouquet, you can add a single flower that he loved or in a color that he loved. When the minister asks who gives this bride, your mother can still say her father and I, because trust me, he will be there in spirit and he would want you to be happy on you special day. Good luck to you, remember the wonderful times that you had with your dad. Your memories will keep him alive for you. My mom died when I was eighteen, I am now 50 years old and some times she is as alive for me as if she was still there. Don't hide the things that he owned, cherish them and above all things, talk, talk, talk and then talk some more about him. That is what will get you through this very difficult and terrible time.
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Answer 9

i'm so sorry to hear that hun. maybe if you have a brother he can walk you down the isle and dance with you. or if you dont have a brother a really close guy friend. and just know that your father will be looking down on you on your wedding day. and he will be walking you down the isle and he will be dancing with you. he will always be there for you. and i am sure he is so happy for you and wants you to live a long and happy life and have a wonderful marrige. maybe also at your wedding have a little table off to the side with pictures of you and him form when you were a little girl and as you grew up maybe so you can remeber all the times you did have with him.

Answer 10

oh! I am so sorry! This is how my really good friend felt when she was planning her wedding 4 years ago and she ended up post-poning it to 3 years later, cause that was the time that she could look at a picture and not really cry...Dads are the best thing in a girls life! and what she did was have both of her brother walk her down the aisle, one on either side of her...and that is what made it special and she also wore a picture of him on her boquet...
I am sorry for your loss I will keep you in my prayers