me and my fiance are engaged and well both of our parents dont wanna come to the wedding because im half black and dominican and hes 100% puerto rican. my parents always tell me why i had to marry a pr i dont understand we both hispanic rite?? nd his parents dont like me cause im half black what should we do TRY nd make them come or 4get bout them lol. stopping the wedding is not a option because we both talked about it .
2007-08-11 13:47:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
honestly it is your life and if you both love eachother and want to be with eachother for ever and always then go with the wedding with or without your parents blessings. it is sad to hear that they don't support you both but you won't be living with them forever and always. you will be with eachother. once you guys are married i'm sure they will come around.
2007-08-11 16:22:36 · answer #1 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. Racism sucks! My fiance and I are an interracial couple as well. His parents say that while they like me as a person, they do not approve of our decision to get married. IWhat that sounded like is because I am white I will never be good enough for their family. ouch. (my family, on the other hand, loves my guy.)
Tell your parents that you don't want to hear any more negativity, and that the only discussion you'll be having with them about your wedding is the conversation about how they can support you. As soon as someone starts being negative, tell them you don't want to hear it and change the subject.
You could also ask you parents what they really hope to accomplish by not attending your wedding. Do they just want to express their disapproval? Seems like they've already done that! do they think you'll change your minds? You already said that's not gonna happen! They need to understand that you're adults and can make your own choices. While you want your parents to support you, you don't absolutely have to have their approval to live your life.
Invite both sets of parents and tell them that you hope they will decide to come support you. I personally think that it's wrong for parents to skip a wedding, unless their son/daughter's partner was either abusive or involved in criminal activity...or unless some other unforseen emergency occurs. Otherwise, the decision not to come to a wedding does nothing but cause hurt and resentment.
Again, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that. It's unfair for you to have to deal with someone else's hang-ups.
2007-08-11 15:09:25 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, considering you're only 17 and expecting a baby, you are under tremendous stress. However, some people do have racial issues when it comes to who their children marry and there isn't much chance that you will be able to change their minds. A lot of couples get married without their parents attendance. If getting married is what you and your fiance really want to do and truly feel is right as well as fully understand just what it is your are getting yourselves into with an underage marriage and underage parenthood, then I wish you both the very best and say God bless. You have a long difficult road ahead of both you and it isn't going to easy by any stretch of ones imagination. Just remember, it's going to take lots of communication and hard work to even try to make anything work.
2007-08-11 14:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry that your parents have put you both in this difficult position. I'm glad that neither of you harobor the same prejudices.
Sometimes our elders can't help thinking a certain way because of how they were raised. I agree tha tyou should just be blunt with them. State that you are getting married and they can be there to support you or not.
I truly hope that you have a beautiful wedding, don't let your family ruin it!
Good luck!
2007-08-11 13:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and have your wedding. Enjoy it and if they choose not to come it is their loss! Just go on with your plans. When they realise that all their whining is not going to influence you and change anything, they may pannic and realise they are losing you guys, and come to the wedding after all. I think they woulld be sad to miss it. It is worth a try anyways.
I really thought people had moved on from this kind of thinking.
Good luck to you both.
2007-08-11 14:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stopping a wedding is always an option, but if you are continuing because you love him he loves you then that's great. realize NOW that both sets of parents may always be opposed to the relationship. don't expect that they will grow to love you both or that they'll realize how in love you are and get over it. go into the marriage realizing that the situation may never change. are you ready to deal with that stress/drama for a lifetime? if you think you can handle it (holidays, family gatherings, etc), then go ahead. but if either of you is still into pleasing mom and dad and unprepared to cut ties (if necessary), then maybe postpone the wedding and go to family counseling with both sets of parents.
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2007-08-11 15:28:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are pigheaded prejudice BORES and if I were you, and they REFUSED to come to MY wedding, I would just FORGET about them--one day THEY will be sorry!!!!! You can't change some people and unfortunately prejudices are passed down from generation to generation... maybe it's going to be up to YOU and your fiancee to stop this from happening any more in YOUR family by having a happy union and making your marriage work for years to come---and, when it comes time to have children, if your parents haven't shaped up by then, THEY will miss out on the joys of being a grandparent but your children will grow up in a house without prejudices... My own mother-in-law REFUSED to attend my wedding---she never saw her grandchild and she died a very lonely old woman... I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but when you push your family away due to your own prejudice feelings, you are liable to be the one who ends up totally alone---as your parents will be because they will have lost YOU and any grandchildren they could have shared with you---ALL BECAUSE of a stupid thing like the condition of your natural origin... I'm sorry but your parents should GROW UP!!!!! and I wish you and your fiancee a very LONG and HAPPY life together IN SPITE of how your parents feel!!!!!
2007-08-11 14:06:41 · answer #7 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just go on with your planning and give them the information of the wedding (date, time, colors etc.). If both sets of parents choose not to attend the most important day of their children's lives then that is stupidity and selfishness on their part. They will also regret it.
2007-08-11 15:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could remind your parents that one of them is BLACK and the other is DOMINICAN and THEY got married . . ? And your future spouse could remind your future in-laws Puerto Ricans are a very small percentage of the world's population.
Have a nice wedding!
2007-08-11 14:28:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good that you and your husband are on the same page with this. Stick together and youll be fine. Just tell your parents youll be disappointed if they dont come, but they are always welcome. Even if they show up at the last minute. In the meantime, you two just enjoy your lives together. They may come around someday, or never, but at least you left the door open for them.
2007-08-11 16:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋