How do you tell wedding guests that there are no children invited?

Question

We sent out wedding invitations and have received a RSVP. The invitations were made out to only Mr. and Mrs. It is a 6pm evening ceremony with a reception that goes until 10pm. We an open bar. They are charging over $30/person. We decided to not invite children, except nephew, and the wedding party children. How do we tell my fiance's co-worker that he can't bring his 3 young children? There is no reason why they should have thought the entire family was invited.

IT IS A EVENING WEDDING. THAT GOES UNTIL 10pm with a open bar. Who brings children to this type of wedding???? Stop acting like it is my fault please. I have never seen writing 'Adult Only' on an invitation. It is tacky. They know who is invited by how they are addressed.

Answer 1

The invitations should have stated that there would be no children. People with families will automatically take their children unless you specify that no children are invited.

Someone here stated that they should have been smart enough to know that children were not invited however this is inaccurate - kind of rude, actually. Weddings are generally family events. Weddings generally unite two people in the presence of friends and family. Children are friends and family. Children will generally be the outcome of a union such as this. That is why, when children are not invited, the invitations are supposed to read, "No Children". Whenever my family came across this, we would send a gift and card and not attend. My family didn't see the point of leaving us with someone to attend a family event. This was however just my family's perspective. You have the right not to invite children, especially given the cost factor, but you have to tell people beforehand so that they can make decisions.

I just read your additional details. If you feel so strongly about it, then just tell them already. Keep in mind that you asked - we're simply responding to your inquiry. If you think that it's tacky to get your point across on the invitation, then you get what you get. Get over it.

Answer 2

When you sent your weddding invitations, you could have said "Adult Reception to Follow" or something to that effect. According to my wedding etiquette book, that would not be in bad taste. In this case, children would be allowed to attend the ceremony, but not the reception.
At this point, someone will just have to tell the guest that you won't be allowing children at the reception. Of course, if you have made exceptions for some kids, albeit family and wedding party, they may not be too understanding.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I think the problem could have been handled quite nicely from the beginning by designating the reception as an adult only affair put on the invite. To be honest it seems that your having a disagreement with your future spouse, and your trying to justify your reasoning. When you ask a question here, there is no need to get upset with some of the answers you receive, some may be way out there, but mostly people here are trying to help out as best as possible.

Answer 4

I know it seems like common sense to you that no one would bring kids to an evening wedding with an open bar, but i can guarantee you than some people will assume that if they're invited, their partners and kids are invited. I'm not saying you're right or wrong, I'm just saying that there are plenty of people who are unaware of these things. Where I'm from, kids are *always* welcome - regardless of whether or not their names are on the invitation. (then again, no one there ever served anything besides cake and punch at a reception either). To be completely honest, I had never heard of a no-kids wedding until long after I had moved away from my hometown.

The best way to tell the friend that he can't bring his children is to just have a chat with him and frame it as a mutual misunderstanding. and it really was. You assumed that since it was an evening wedding AND his kids' names were not on the invitation he would know they're not invited. He assumed that an invitation to him was an invitation to his family.

Good luck.

Answer 5

U need to put that no children are invited to reception on the invitations if u didnt do that then hire a reliable sitter to keep the kids occupied in another room while the reception is going on. make sure they have their own party and have fun while the adults are having fun. but tell the parents about the sitter before hand or they may have problems with this too. so try and accomodate the littlest of guests and make them part of the nite too...

Answer 6

I respectfully disagree with those who say you should have said "adults only" on your invitations. At least where I come from, only the names of those actually invited are listed on an invitation. Nobody assumes that children are welcome if they are not.

Your husband should send out a polite but firm e-mail setting the record straight:

"Hi, CO-WORKER'S NAME,
I noticed that you responded on your RSVP card for our wedding that you plan to bring your children. Unfortunately, we are limited in the number of guests we are able to accomodate, and have invited very few children--only those in our close family. Therefore, I am asking that you make other plans for your children for our wedding. We would love to have you attend our special day, but we will understand if you cannot make it.

Best,
YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME"

This way, it sounds like you're genuinely sorry they can't bring their children (even if you're not) and makes them feel less uncomfortable about assuming the children were welcome.

Answer 7

No not at all. If an invite says Mr & Mrs they should take it as a note that it doesn't include children. Weddings are not places for children, they get bored & want to run around.

Answer 8

Honestly, since you didn't put "Adults Only" anywhere on the invite, people will be bringing their kids to the ceremony and the reception. Even though etiquette goes that if "and Family" isn't included on the invite pepole should assume that only adults should come. However, there are plenty of people out there who either simply don't know better or ignore it. I suggest you tell your family to spread your request by word-of-mouth. Also, simply explain your request to the co-worker. Surely, he wouldn't bring his kids to an open-bar reception! What kind of parent would tha make him? Ha!
Good luck!

EDIT: First of all, putting "Adults Only" on an invitation is not in any way tacky. If anything, it's the exact opposite. By doing so, you're letting people know that your reception will be having an open bar and you're quite sure they wouldn't want their kids around alcohol. Where did you get that this would be tacky? Putting "Adults Only" would not only have been very helpful, it's also etiquette. And to be perfectly honest, just because you think it would be tacky and had never seen it on an invitation is no excuse. Unfortunately, this IS your fault.
Also, you'd be VERY surprised at the number of people who WOULD bring their children to such receptions. I've been to MANY weddings in my day and I've seen very young children at open-bar receptions well past midnight. It's repulsive, I'll give you that. But there are parents like this out there. I'm sorry if I was one of the people who offended you in my answer, but I was only trying to let you know why the co-worker would be planning on bringing his children.

Answer 9

A polite way to go about it without being too direct could be by your fiance casually asking his coworker if he has got the babysitter all organised for the wedding?
The coworker is surely going to take the hint and will probably be too embarressed from just assuming that his kids were invited that it will never be brought up again!

Answer 10

I lliked Kempenn09 answer except I would prefer to see a face to face conversation, or even a telephone call.

The only way to help these folks boors understand is by telling them politely but directly.

I know that some cultures see weddings as a big family get-together. Everyone brings all their kids and the kids run around and that seems to be quite fine for all concerned.