my dad and his new fiance??

Question

ok...im 13 and my mom did a drug overdose wen i was 3 my dad was recently married then divored. he has now moved his high school sweetheart in with us and i do not like her. she is soo mean to me gives me dirty looks and if my dad says i am allowed to do something [go hang out with friends use the phone ect] she almost always convinces him that im not allowed. she also does the same thing to my sister who is 16. her and my dad get into fights a lot and she always says she moving back to michigan [we live in fl] ive talked to my dad about it and he says thats shes staying. then she found out and told me "im not going anywhere" they both drink. she drinks beer so she doesnt get drunk as fast. but my dad drinks vodka in huge glases so hes prety quick. i dont want her to stay with us because i really do hate her. how can i try and fix it? oh and she always says i have an attitude wen i dont and wen she says that it gives me one and i get grounded. and she lies to my dad to get me grounded

also...ive gone to a conselour before. actually a lot. and the most recent one said stuff and my dad was like "well i disagree" and we never went back to him

Answer 1

Ok, hon, here's the deal:

You can't change other people's behaviors.

You and your sister need to make some decisions. Cook dinner together at night.

You can stay at the after school program after school and get a snack and an hour of academic support, and have some down time. Usually there's an activity on Fridays.

Let Dad know what you guys need for each week. Say, "Dad, I need $30.00 for lunches for the month on Friday." Keep him informed.

You and sister buckle down and get good grades. Maintain your rooms. Train yourselves how to be independent. Sis needs a driver's license, a job, and a car. You eventually will too.

See if Grandma will let you sleep over on the weekends.

Sounds like you're pretty much on your own. Just focus on what you're supposed to be doing, and do it. For now.

Answer 2

Wait a while and see how the time passes. You say you can't think straight, so give your grief some time. If this is something new with your fiance disappearing as it were, it could be he's not sure what to say/do for you. Guys can be incredibly stupid about emotional things like this. My friend passed away and I just came out and told my hubby what I needed specifically. I'm sorry he and the other family haven't said anything to you specifically and you know lots of people out here will say it "I am sorry for your loss. Take care."

Answer 3

So sorry you have to go through this and if you can see your way out of this situation it will happen. I can't even advise on how to handle the situation because I would be looking for a way out (personal opinion). If you could hold on until you can maybe find a school where you could live on campus or some type of job training program where you are away from home. I am not saying quit school and join a training program but just giving examples of learning programs, and there are many, that require students to reside on campus and these are for pre-college students and depending on your family's financial status, in some cases it is free. So seek other avenues and just hold on babygirl, this too shall pass. God Bless.

Answer 4

This is a hard one to solve, for either side. There is nothing more difficult than to be a stepmom to almost-grown children. If you had been toddlers when she moved in with your Dad, chances are you'd be used to her. Instead, you have independent thoughts of your own and she mistakes them for being "attitude."

You can't expect your Dad to remain single for his lifetime, so I think you should be very smart. Make a friend of this woman. I know you don't want anything to do with her, but believe me, she will change her ways if you just show her a little affection.

Ask her advice. Compliment her on her hair, clothes, anything. Tell her that it pleases you to see your Dad happy. Most people respond to overtures of friendship and I'll just bet she's no different.

I know I am asking a lot of a 13-year-old girl, but you sound highly intelligent to me. I think you can understand what I am saying. Get rid of the "Them Against Us" feeling with your sister. Make it "Us Together" and you'll find that things will change.

Answer 5

your dad is in DENIAL. try to keep the piece with your stepmom because end the end she will win. so do what she says when she says and do everything that you are suppose to do school wise etc. you and your sister. stop bucking the system which is you stepmom. your dad do not want to deal with the wife daughters issue right now. but you and your sister need to always be respectful and keep trusting in God almighty. see n life you have to pick and choose your battles. and your stepmom is one that you will not win at this point because she has to take care of you and your sister. so from here on out march to the beat of stepmom. GodBless

Answer 6

Oh, honey, I feel for you.

What you need to do is make sure you never follow their path of substance abuse. Talk to a school counselor or confide in an adult you trust so they can call attention to your father's sick behavior - who, btw, sounds like a total alcoholic.

You need to really focus on your schoolwork and maybe try to get involved in activities that keep you away from the house. I mean, how can your father say no to healthy extracurricular pasttimes? That will only expose him for the fool he is.

Maybe you can keep a journal, too, to vent or keep a blog. Yeah, that's what I would do. I'd start a website and write about that dumb ***** fiance! I'd probably post pics of her too!

Anyway, aside from being spiteful, talk to a school counselor and get some rational adults involved before it gets worse!

Answer 7

BIATCH !
U better talk to police or something , because living whit your dad and that biatch is impossible. Go back to Michigan whit your sister if you can...
Or you can try to kill her by alcohol poisoning since she drinks...

My parents divorced too a long time ago and we stayed whit my dad for 3 years.... he probably had like 7 biatches , lol , until she married the fattest chick I ever seen... But now we stay whit my mother , in another country (we live in Europe) and I can go back home & rub my s**t in her face whit no problems , because my mother doesn't mind & my dad can't do a thing about that.
But your mom's dead , sorry about that , the only solution is to get adopted by someone and get a new life.

Good luck !

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you're in a no win situation. Tell your counselor you want out. Neither of them are responsible enough to raise you. Is there another relative, grandparents, aunts or someone you can go stay with until dad gets it together? I will pray for you darling and hope it works out for you. Good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to just pull your head in, behave yourself, get good grades, until you are old enough to move out.
I wouldnt want a bratty 13 year old stepchild either.
I think your problem is more that your dad drinks too much and is too weak to be on his own.

Answer 10

Your dad made a mistake but eventually, she probably WILL move out if you are patient and give it time. In the meantime, go to counseling by yourself just to find out how to deal with adults who drink a lot. Lots of people are in your situation and can give you advice about how to deal with adults who indulge in alcohol a LOT.