My daughter just told us that she is pregnant (she is 21 and not married) but she wants to do the whole formal church wedding thing after the baby is born, and of course she wants us to pay for it. How much should we give her. While we are not on poverty row, we don't have a ton of money either. I've been thinking of just giving her $5,000 and being done with it. Is that too much? Too little? Oh, and she wants to get married 3,000 miles away where it will be almost impossible to have family attend. We do have a good relationship, but this is very frustrating for me.
2007-08-11 12:05:39 · 11 answers · asked by John B 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
well. i am turning 21 in a few days. i was married almost 2 years ago. i was a virgin when i married. and now i have a wonderful 5 month old daughter. i had a friend who got pregnant at 17 she had also wanted the big fancy wedding with her mother to pay for it. her mother told her she needed to deal with the fact that she got pregnant before she was married and made her walk down the aisle in a flowered dress. no white for her . and no formal wedding. she got married among just family . because with a baby comming you cant be spending all the money on a wedding that is going to last just an hour or so. it is a waste. i mean com'mon 1. a virgin 2 fancy white dress that cost less than 500. half of which i paid for so my mom didnt have to. 4.i ordered a wedding to be at a local chapel that costed maybe 150. then my grandmother made party trays we ate and talked and everyone left. total guests 9 people 5. so my mom only paid maybe 1000 total for my wedding. i could not let her pay as i knew she was going to need that money for something important. as i have a 9 year old brother and she would have to take care of him, so i couldnt ask her to pay alot. if you ask me i believe she might be being a bit selfish. i dont like to say that since i am also 21. but i struggled to stay pure until marriage. it wasnt easy. and i could never make my mom pay for everything. whereas your daughter has already put the horse before the cart as my gramma says. she needs to be thinking about the child she is going to have. the money you are planning on giving her for this formal wedding idea could be used for the new baby, crib, etc. and that money could also help them to get started in their new home. so no i would tell her if she insists on having a wedding so far away expecting you to pay for it she better think again. but tell her if she wants to have a very very small close family only quiet wedding close to home for a small price. (that way there will be more money saved for the baby) then its a deal. if she still wants the big fancy wedding and will not give in tell her she can find a way to pay for it herself, and you will use the money you intended to use on her for her child. i hope i havent angered you but i grew up very fast and learned from many of my cousins and how they treated their mom. one of my cousins spent $10.000 on her dress,$ 2000 on the church and i dont know how much on djs and the ring and they had a big buffet dinner, and she brought her then 1 year old son to the wedding. today she has been married 8 years , still in debt, her husband cheated on her with her sister, 2 kids on major depression medication mostly from the debt and all for what? when they could have taken all that money and saved it for their new home and children. and all the money they used didnt buy them the happiness they thought they would have see money isnt everything. the wedding isnt about the i want to be a princess and have a big fancy wedding. its is about the fact she will be marrying the person she loves and will finally be able to say officially i am his wife. thats what it is all about. and to be able to say i am going to spend the rest of my life with this man costs nothing .i know if i had to marry my husband again i would have skipped the chapel and dress and i would have gotten married at the justice of peace and taken everyone out to a all you can eat buffet. (man i shouldve thought of that) but all i really wanted was to say i do the man i want to grow old with. and if we ended up living in a cardboard box so be it we would be ok, because we dont give up on eachother and we live modest in terms of material things. so now we have been able to rent a nice place and i can now stay home with my daughter while my husband works . let her know the material things arent as important as the little life that is about to come into the world. i hope i helped . good luck
2007-08-11 13:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell her you'll put in $5000 if she gets married close to your home. If she wants to be married 3000 miles away, she and her boyfriend will have to come up with all the money themselves because you'll need to use your money to pay for traveling to the wedding. It's logical and not unreasonable. There's nothing that says she can't have a ceremony at home with you but also have a second ceremony 3000 miles away later.
2007-08-11 19:27:49 · answer #2 · answered by Inundated in SF 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like this wedding is a "spur of the moment since i'm pregnant" thing and I don't think that's something that you should empty your savings over. I mean, she's your child so you obviously want her to have a great wedding because it is hopefully something that she'll only do once, but I think that you need to set a limit and she needs to work with it. What should that limit be? That is for you to decide. You know how much money you can afford to give away.
2007-08-11 19:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by A W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her what is the poing of having a wedding and family can not attend? Tell her since ur paying for it it needs to be somewhere closer.
2007-08-11 19:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by sourgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think that it would be enfough but like you said it would be impossible to be able to attend it so most likly it would be enfough because it will probally be a little wedding if there's not alot of people.
2007-08-11 19:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by Tionna's mama 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, boy, Dad...
If 5 grand is reasonable in your opinion, then after the baby is born, cut checks for specific items until you hit your limit. Do not just cut a check. If the travel is a burden, subtract it from your limit.
Let her know you'll need to know who to cut the checks to: caterer, florist, hall....and you'll pay until you get to the number five thousand.
2007-08-11 22:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that is the right amount of money but what the heck is she doing getting married 3000 miles away? i would make her have it close to home if she wants me to give her any money.
2007-08-11 19:21:25 · answer #7 · answered by mike s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok well its up to yous,, I had a very small one cost me like $300.00,,, that was 15 years ago.. today people pay way to much and most dont stay together, so rethink your money? $2,000? $5,000 if they dont stay together in the future then what? flush the $5,000 down the bowl...?
2007-08-11 19:26:28 · answer #8 · answered by Saggezza 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Make the man who got her pregnant pay for the wedding.
2014-07-22 11:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give her some money (not $5000.00 by any stretch) and wish her well.
You weren't part of her plan to do things backwards so why should you be part of the plan now?
2007-08-11 19:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋