My daughter thinks she is having trouble with her weight, I don't, advice please!?

Question

She is a healthy looking girl at 5'6 and 3/4's (just went to doc), and she weighs in at 140. Her father is a big, well built man, and she inherited that apparent 'german gene'. She is constantly asking me if she is fat, and then dissagreeing when I tell her no. Shes only 13!
She won't wear things that look great on her because she is embarassed. I have even showed her that her BMI is fine!
Help!

Answer 1

be careful with this one.. my sister has developed a severe eating disorder thinking she was too fat..and she is rail thin!!

you might want to try taking her to a nutritionist who can assure her that she is the perfect weight..talk to him ahead of times about your concerns too, so he will know to approach her as if she thinks she is fat....

Answer 2

13 is a tough age, especially with kids today. 5'6" is tall for a girl her age, so I wouldn't be surprised if kids pick on her for being "huge" or a "giant" or (even worse) an "ogre". Kids are just plain mean...so that may be where her weight concerns come in. She may think that if she slimmed down, she wouldn't seem so big. It's hard to tell a teen they are fine...after all, you ARE her mother. It's almost expected of a mother to tell her child that everything is fine, that they're perfect. Make sure you explain that bone weight MUCH more than fat does...and since she's taller than most of her peers, she is going to weigh more, period. Suggest she start working out...not as a "weight loss" solution, but so she can stay healthy. And let her know that by working out, she may gain weight...but again, muscle also weighs more than fat. Right now, it probably won't matter what you tell her because she's experiencing some problems with her peers, but just keep an eye on her...if she starts going to the bathroom after every meal or snack, or if she starts eating less and less and saying things like "oh, I already ate" or other excuses for not eating dinner/lunch (or even breakfast)...or she may eat huge amounts of food for a day or so and then fast for a while...those are signs that she may be developing an eating disorder. Make sure you talk to her about the health risks of eating disorders (Anorexia/Bulimia/Binge eating). And make sure you let her know that you love her no matter what, and that she can always come talk to you.
And along with exercise, put her on a healthy food regimen. I don't say "diet" because they never work. The last listed is a site I have found and completely agree with...it's scientifically tested, tried and true, and I have seen it's results (both in myself and family members).

Answer 3

Celebrities and Hollywood have done many things to young girls such as the weight game. If she hasn't already, she should read "The Care and Keeping of YOU!" book by American Girl. You might want to be supportive, but don't make it seem like you are working her hard. I would suggest having her slowly cut down on sweets, and exercise more often. Maybe do something like a half hour of exercise. Dance in the mirror, jump on a trampoline, swim... etc. I used to think that I was overweight. Once my mom instituted these little tricks, I lost some weight and felt great. If she hasn't hit her growth spirt, just let her know that her weight is always changing, and that she WILL even out.

:o)

Answer 4

The best advice that I can give to any parent is to accept that you aren't ever going to change her opinion. You certainly don't want to get yourself so stressed that you get caught in the heat of any argument or have heated discussions over this issue. When I had such discussions with my parents (oh so many decades ago) I rebelled when it became heated - whether I was right or wrong.

One tact that I suggest is to continue telling her that wearing the clothes that "look great on her" and add that even wearing the clothes that she wants to wear cannot disguise how she feels about herself. In other words, if one isn't happy with themselves, no manner of dress can hide that. Also ask her if her idea of what makes her look good actually does less for her than dressing in what makes her look good.

I hope that helps. I have never forgotten how stubborn I was as a teen (back when Presidents were named Richard, Gerald, and Jimmy) and the task of dealing with her can be a daunting one. The best you can do is not get too caught up in protecting her from herself. She may have to learn "the hard way" that her fashion ideals aren't best for her. Some of us will go through phases before settling for what works best anyway.

Answer 5

That's tricky. I know I never believed my mom when she told me I looked good cause I always thought that she was my mom, she had to say stuff like that. Now I'm older and it seems to be even worse for young girls these days.

Have you heard of Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty? I think it's a step in the right direction and they have a workshop for girls that you can sign up for. They send you a DVD and some other materials at no cost to you. Maybe it would help you convince your daughter that she's wonderful just the way she is. Maybe you could meet with some of her friends too. I'll bet they all feel the same pressure.

At the very least go to this site and watch the Evolution Video. It shows that these perfect women on TV, in magazines and such aren't who or what they appear to be.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/inside_campaign.asp

Answer 6

Well, if I was in this situation I'd put her in a sport (this can be tough because a lot of community sports are too competitive--i.e. you have to be good to participate... come to think of it dance or martial arts might be a better idea than a sport), get her a bicycle or roller skates (whatever she'd use), and let her participate in planning meals. Make sure there's very little junk food in the house and maybe get her some books on nutrition. Be careful about what magazines, tv and websites you let her see as they can be bad for self esteem. If she doesn't believe you about dressing for her figure, have her watch some "what not to wear," maybe get her susanna and trinny's what not to wear book (about dressing for your figure), and go shopping with her and a female that also believes she can look good if she dresses for her figure--a supportive friend or aunt, say. Letting her use nail polish and lip gloss and have a trendy hair cut (and if applicable, trendy glasses or even contacts) might help her feel better. I'd also work on other ways to improve her self-esteem like keeping an eye on her grades (not just report cards, but tests and homework grades as well) and praising her for anything B or above. Make sure she gets all the extra academic support she needs, and encourage her to read books (reading books improves the vocabulary and all the smart people I know like to read). Even if the book is a crappy novel like babysitter's club or steven king, and even graphic novels and comic books count as reading, it's better than not reading at all. Finally make sure she has some time for herself--let her go to the mall with money for a movie, say, or let her sleep at her friend's houses.
When I was 13 I had plenty of problems and to be honest hardly any 13 year olds are actually happy. Good luck.
p.s. Make sure there's no scale (you know, weight scale) in the bathroom she usually uses.

Answer 7

She has entered the dreaded teens. Nomatter how beautiful she is, she won't see it.

I would suggest to get her involved in some sort of physical activity. If she really thinks she's overweight, then why not do something constructive about it? don't emphasize diet, rather push exercise. That way the exercise will become part of her lifestyle and then hopefully she will never grow older and look back and wish that she were as "overweight" as she was at 13!!

Also, have your doctor talk to her about body weight and then refer you both to a dietician. Use her concerns to teach your daughter how she can be as healthy as she can - without falling into a trap of desperately trying to be underweight.

Answer 8

While 5'6" and 140 is a lovely weight -- and I would love to be there myself. With all these middle school girls that are 5'2" and a size 0 I am sure it is hard for her. I used to teach middle school Encourage her, and teach her about eating healthy, not dieting!! And, if she is not into sports of any kind, learn about exercise that would appeal to her and teach the importance of keeping your heart healthy through exercise.

You can be a positive model to her without saying anything to her -- by eating a lot of veg, and drinking healthy things and making time to walk. Not to lose weight, but to be and feel healthy.

Answer 9

That is the same way I be feeling..I am now losing weight since I saw 143 on the scale the last tI'me I went to the doctor. My mom said I am a teenager and im short and to big to weigh 140.so I don't eat all that fast-food. I now eat salad,broccoli,spinach,food like that.

Answer 10

Wow. I'd recommend a nutritionist to show her the proper way to eat so she can maintain her weight, and possibly a therapist to ward off any potential eating disorders. She could be start with what's called Body Dysmorphic Disorder - where even an emaciated person sees a hugely overweight person whenever they look in a mirror, and if you intervene early, you should be able to nip it in the bud.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

Help your daughter feel good about herself. If she wants, get her some pilate's tapes or something. She can do yoga and stretches. Maybe if she is more physically active she will feel better about herself. I Am NOT saying that a 13 year old needs to work out and lose weight. I just feel better when I do something active.