Potluck Wedding?

Question

I don't understand this. Why is this acceptable? Does anyone else agree it's rude? Reasons why I think it's rude:

-your guests travel to your reception site, get dressed up, buy and gift.....AND you expect them to bring their own food. OMG, rude

-Sanitary Reasons. I've worked in restuarants and catering. I know a lot about food safety and such. How are you sure people use proper sanitaization in their home kitchens? Are you sure they don't have bugs? Did they wash their hands while preparing food? Was it cross contimated with raw chicken or egg?

As a guest, I don't eat potluck unless I know every single person present. If I don't know you, how can I be sure what I'm eating is sanitary. Just grosses me out and you never know every single person there.


-What if you invite 50 people and only 25 bring food. How are you going to feed all those people?

-What if the guest can't afford to bring anything. Say Great Aunt Jane lives on a fixed income

Does have a kitchen b/c she lives in a retirement home. Are you going to make her go to the store and buy a pre-made meal or dessert. That's tacky and putting someone on the spot.

It just kills me that people on here say, "Don't go into debt, just to have a wedding. If you can't afford it, have a smaller affair"

Yet, they support Potluck. Hello, it's the same thing. You can't afford to feed all these people, so therefore, you should not have them.

I've been taught as a hostess, if you can't feed everyone then don't have them.

I understand you want to get married. So, get married. Just don't invite people and ask them to bring their own food.

Just admit you can't afford it. Or invite fewer people and provide them food.

You can't always have your cake and eat it too.

If you do potluck, you have the same mentality was those that go into debt for a 25K wedding.

You are just as selfish and want a PARTY, as much as they do. You dreaming beyond yourmeans

Answer 1

I've never heard of a potluck wedding...we barely even do potluck barbeques...I can't imagine people coming to an elegant wedding carrying trays of mac and cheese or how you possibly know if there's going to be enough food for everyone.

It's one thing if someone in your family is an excellent cook and offers to make some food as a gift to you, and you make some food, or buy some catered food and serve that...but I would never, EVER, ask my guests to bring food to a WEDDING.

Answer 2

I must be a regional thing. Where I live I have never been to or even heard of a sit down, catered meal at a wedding. Around here that would be considered silly and snuffy and ruin the purpose of the whole family getting together to talk anyhow.

Most of the potluck wedding I have been to don't ask everyone to bring a dish. They verbally ask close friends and family they know would love to bring a dish and can afford it.
The people bringing food usually ask how many to bring food for...it's not a big deal at all. Generally there are sandwich platters or a bbq going on to add the meat.
I think they are fun and personal.
The "sanatary reason" excuse....oh good grief!!! Do you never eat at anyones house? Does Aunt Edith never just pop over with a pie? Around here everyone has family bbqs all the time...no one has died or ended up in the hospital yet. SOmetimes you wonder what someones kitchen looks like...lol...but it seems they usually have the best tasting food!

If this isin't common in your culure it may seem weired. But don't bash it. Because it is commen in other cultures.
Also, it has nothing to do with money for the people I know. It's about sharing with each other. You can get some good recipes this way too.

Answer 3

Quite frankly I think you have some serious anger issues. Aside from that, if someone wishes to have a potluck reception for an rather informal wedding that is their God given right as it is THEIR wedding.

Most people who are having a potluck reception do NOT expect people who have traveled from out of town to provide food.

People who have to have potluck receptions do NOT spend 25K on a wedding...and if they do, they are just plain selfish as a very nice wedding and reception catered can be had for that price.

Most people familiar with potlucks usually fix a large quantity, especially when they know how many people are going to be there. I've been to several large gatherings with a potluck meal and there is tons of food left over. Even if half the people bring food, there is always plenty. The best way to handle such an event is to give each person a specific type of food to bring (veggie, fruit, drinks, breads, etc.)

The thing that really gets me is your attitude of not eating something someone else has prepared. You are very self-centered. This will come back to bite you someday. For your sake, I hope it does. Maybe then you will become more of a grateful person instead of a selfish person.

Next time someone invites you to their wedding...do them a favor and DO NOT GO!

Answer 4

The idea of a potluck dinner at a wedding is pretty tasteless and cheap. I can understand possibly asking a close relative to make a favorite family receipe, but that would be about it.
I agree with you about sanitary reservations, also-- most grooms do have those old college buddies that live in apartments that are just revamped versions of the old frat house. Can you imagine your grandma eating a casserole baked in the same oven the guys were probably using to dry their socks?
I don't know why some folks insist on having a big meal, even if it means imposing on the guests. From my experience at my own wedding, we barely had time to eat the first bite of cake, much less eat a full meal. Our guests were busy catching up with each other, they didn't have time to eat much themselves. I've always felt that the sensible thing to do is to provide a few things like finger sandwiches, fruit, etc. It provides enough for a pleasant light meal, but at the same time, people don't feel they have to rush through a big meal so they won't miss pictures, cake cutting, bouquet throwing, etc.

Answer 5

lets start with your arguments against it shall we?

traveling, getting dressed up, etc......normally potluck receptions are going to be CASUAL so there isn't much of that involved. Its for people who want their famlies there but aren't loaded. I take it you don't come from a household with 6 kids. On my dad's side of the familiy ALONE we have 50 people and that's just immediate close family that we see once a month. I agree it's completely tacky to rent a $3,000 hall then do potluck, or do potluck so you can invite every person who ever saw you including the bag boy at the grocery store, but most people don't do that. If you live in a huge house and drive a bently and do potluck, yeah that's kinda tacky. If you live paycheck to paycheck and are some of the hard working low-lower middle class who's to say you don't deserve to commit to your soulmate and enjoy that milestone with close family and friends? A wedding isn't like a holiday which happens every year. Hopefully it's once in a lifetime and loved ones generally want to support you in it.

Sanitary Reasons....if your famliy is that nasty I can't help you. Potluck normally doesn't include random strangers so sanitation doesn't apply. Do you inspect the kitchens of every person who invites you to dinner too? Who's rude now?

Half people don't bring.....admittedly potluck requires a very organized bride so that shouldn't happen. A bad job of planning is going to make for a crappy party regardless of how much you spent

People can't afford.....again, these people are close. You are going to have a pretty good idea of what they can afford and wouldn't assign people to bring lobster. Its usually something easy and well-liked like lasagna

Perhaps your family is dysfunctional or you just are that snobby. I was taught to throw a party you can afford as well. But marriage is a big event and guess what? Your close family will WANT to enjoy that with you. What's the diff. between having your "resturant reception" then having an informal party the next day so people you couldn't pay for can share. All you are doing in that scenario is letting them know they weren't good enough to make the cut the first time around so boo on them. Exclude loved ones, or take out a loan to make YOU happy?

Answer 6

most of the time, potluck is for an simple outdoor wedding. my mom and stepdad were planning a potluck wedding. the thing with that is, most people who have a potluck at their wedding have previously been married, don't want something fancy, or have a home established already. these people don't expect gifts, just your presence. it's "if you want to come, then come. bring something if you can, and if you can't, we'll make do." it's not about getting a gift AND all of the food paid for. it's more about the food as a gift so that everyone can enjoy a good time at a small expense. obviously the people you've seen have a potluck wedding didn't understand the concept.

Answer 7

All the points you raised are good ones--but you don't tell us much about the type of couple involved. In the oooollllllddd days, most 'country' weddings took place at the families' church and the Ladies Auxiliary [or whatever] organized the food for the reception afterwards in the church hall. Most all of the food [except for perhaps a lavish uncle's baron of beef or brace of turkeys] was the equivalent of pot luck...but then, everyone knew everyone, and had probably been in their kitchens too. Could the couple in question here be harking back to the way it used to be? Never heard of guests being asked to bring food...unless they were also members of the parish and that was part of what they'd contribute anyway.

Now we've got extravaganzas with caterers, florists, professional florists and photographers and even MC's and dance-bands and 'wedding planners'. I'd be leery about food safety were I to attend a wedding where I only knew, say, the groom or the bride and nobody else.

Pack a lunch!

Answer 8

I dont think restaurants, even reputable ones, are necessarily more sanitary than a home. Do you really want to see the hidden camera tape of your favorite restaurant?
I guess I wouldnt really want to contribute to a potluck wedding, especially if I didnt really know the couple well. But if I was asked, I would probably just buy something from a takeout and bring that. And stash some Twinkies in the car in case theres nothing good at the party.

Answer 9

I've never actually seen a potluck wedding reception. Unless it's a common regional custom, I think it's pretty tacky. If you can't afford to provide food for everyone, then either don't provide food or else invite fewer people.

We're saving money on other things so that we can afford to provide a nice lunch for our guests.

Answer 10

Not everyone brings a dish.Family and close friends contribute the food.
It's likely just as clean or cleaner than some restaurants,hotels etc.Not all these establishments are up to par.Even five star rated ones can be very unsanitary. Boards of health are not always on time with their inspections what with cut backs etc.
People could feel the same about eating something you've prepared if they don't know you.
I know a lot about food handling and such also.I worked in a nursing home as a certified cook for 18 yrs and dealt with the board of health.
Most people are generally pretty clean and conscientious about their food.
Not all people can afford a big catered affair.I see nothing wrong with a pot luck if that's what you have to do.

Answer 11

I do not think that having a wedding potluck is appropriate.

What is appropriate is having a small 'party' and only invite people you are close to if you do not have a big budget to spend on food.

If I was invited to a wedding potluck, I would not go. First off, you have to bring a gift, get dressed, and then slave over the food preparation to serve so many people, and probably have to clean up the mess after too.

If you can't afford to have a wedding, don't have one. Just go away and get eloped. That way you don't insult anyone who is not invited to the wedding.