My daughter is ignored?

Question

Hello,

I have twin daughters, one is in her last year of med school to become an anesthesiologist and the other decided not to go to college. The daughter that decided to not go to school is engaged to an investment banker. That got everyone in the family's attention.

My daughter that is in school gets no attention at family gatherings (and we are a big family who has alot of them). I don't understand as I am very proud of her. Everyone is focused on my engaged daughter (and not just because of the wedding). My other daughter feels left out. I don't understand the reasoning behind this as they are both equally friendly and outgoing. My daughter that is in school tries to talk about how excited she is to be in med school and become what she always wanted to be...but no one listens and just brushes her off.

Thank you to anyone who helps...it will be greatly appreciated! :)

Answer 1

Try to show your daughter how proud you are for her and don't bother so much about what other members of the family think.Your opinion is the most important for her and she needs to feel that can count on you especially now that she begins something new.

I wouldn't talk to the family about it cause it may make your daughter feel embarrased.If she wants to make a point let her make it by herself.It's not a suprising thing that your other daughter's wedding seems more interesting to people...it's their curiosity that takes place.

Good luck :)

Answer 2

That is just strange. Has your family held the more successful daughter in the lime light all these years and has just shifted the focus now?

It is a lot more exciting for family to talk about weddings and growing families. Med school is exciting, but its a lot of technical stuff no one else may understand. Everyone understands a wedding. You could try calling up family members when your daughter in school achieves something big, and try to get others excited. In the end, you can't force them to pay more attention to the other girl.

To be honest, I wouldn't know what to say to someone in med school either. Your other daughter may just be easier to talk to.

Answer 3

Oh, people can be stupid. Your daughter has every right to be proud. And let me tell you something, if she was a boy and in med school, she'd be getting plenty of attention. Women who focus on their careers tend not to get much attention because they're, frankly, out of most people's leagues. People don't know what to talk about with them, or they're afraid they'll look dumb. Everyone knows about marriage. They feel comfortable lavishing attention on your engaged daughter and she's "marrying well," so she's got extra princess status.

I'd tell your med school daughter that people are probably intimidated by her and that's their problem. She may have to "dumb herself down" to talk to some people, if she's really interested in talking to them, to be honest. Otherwise, I'm sure she has friends in med school who offer support and interesting conversation.

It's too bad, but that's just the way of the world now. (By the way, it can work both ways... my husband went from being a PhD scientist to being a high school teacher, and he got a lot more respect as a scientist. People act like he's selling himself short or not deserving of much respect since he's obviously not making as much money now.)

Answer 4

Aw hon this sounds so unhappy. i'm sorry you're dealing with this. the only suggestion i will provide (Which I"m optimistic you have tried all of those) is merely ask her what she desires to do? Or marvel her at some point and take her someplace relaxing! merely you 2! No daddy, no grandma, no one else yet you and your woman descendant. you additionally can marvel her with different issues to quite than going out. you additionally could make her a bowl of icecream, do crafts! set up a table with specific crafts (seem on line for crafts for childrn her age, they promises you extra information on what's sweet so she would not have too many small peices considering she remains youthful) it quite is often relaxing! You 2 can build a tent! teenagers love that! I recommend there are such extremely some issues that make sons and daughters happy so easly that merely you 2 can do! possibly the extra bounding time the extra powerful even nevertheless i'm optimistic you do this already yet possibly exchange it up slightly. examine and consult from her. tell her you adore her and hug her. All those issues. good success hon, i know it quite is annoying whilst that occurs yet quite you knwo she loves you and shes merely being a goofy little woman. She sounds fortunate beacuse she has a relatives that cares approximately her! =) I want the main appropriate for you all!

Answer 5

Your family sounds like mine which is part of why I don't associate with them much.

Your other daughter who is going through med school will one day get more attention then the married one because she will accomplish great things. Then she can snub them like they do her now.

In the meantime, If I were you, I would give the ignored daughter more attention then usual, the engaged one is all wrapped up in her wedding plans now anyway so she prob. won't even notice.

The little extra you give the med student daughter just may balance out what the rest of your family is doing.

Unfortunately we can't choose our family and there is nothing we can do to change them so we have to try to find other ways to offset the damage they cause.

Good Luck and congrats to both of your daughters, they sound like great kids.

Answer 6

They are intereseted in your daughter fiances money plain and simple. In a year or two after they are married it will die down. Also your daughter is not the first in the family to go to college that is not that big of a deal. They will both have times when they are the center of attention like if one gets pregant or something like that. Families foucus on what is new and exciting. When i first got married my wife and i wer bomarded with family at functions now not so much. My brother is going to Asia for a few weeks so now he is top dog. It goes up and down as to what is going on

Answer 7

I would talk to a few of the family members about it. Tell them that your daughter is feeling left out and upset. Ask their opinion on how to help her and Hopefully this will make them realize THEY are adding to her being upset. Then they will probably start asking her more questions and being more interested in what is going on with her.

Answer 8

As someone who has been selectively ignored by certain members of my family for the attention of my twin and her budding family, let me tell you it shouldn't eat your daughter up inside, that will only lead to resentment of your future grandchild, talk to your family, and make them understand that you have two daughters, and to treat them with the equal respect they deserve.

Answer 9

Why don't you just talk to your family about this? This is the 5th time you have asked this question and nobody here can give sound advise on account nobody here knows you or your family. You or your daughter, both adults, should approach this with your family.

Answer 10

Maybe you need to start bragging about your daughter in school, in front of these other family members.
That might get the light placed on her.
If not, then her time will come when she's engaged and getting married :)