Would you date a single mother? And how should she behave on the first date: tell all the worse that happen in her life or just to have some fun? I feel bad now because on my first date I said the guy that I live on my own. I have enough memories of guys reactions when they were told that I have two kids on my first dates. It turned me away... meaning that I was loosing a hope of finding with a man, not only to be with, but to build a relationship with. So, In my last situation I wanted to have a special date w/o any pressure and when he asked: do you live by yourself, I said yes, meaning for myself : I am living by myself with my two children... When he was observing my car, he might see a car sit, but he didn't say anything. Today he saw a sit again and kissed as usual, but was little nervous. This image is familiar to me. Should I stop looking for a man and better concentrate on my children, or there are any hope for me to get some luck with guys? I don't want to lie.
2007-08-11 04:47:34 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am married and I married a woman with children. It sounds like you are dating the wrong guys. I think you should be honest, if you want a relationship. If you want to go out a little and have fun, it doesn't matter.
Many guys do not want the added work that goes with raising some other guy's children. It is a lot of extra work too. It makes for a complicated life.
On the other hand, many guys simply do not care whether or not there are children involved.
Finally, you may want to consider what life would be like without a man in it. I am not trying to be negative, but it sounds like you do not know how to be happy just with yourself. A need for someone is a legitimate need, but you also may not find it. It isn't the children that are necessarily causing it, it is just very difficult to find someone that makes sense to marry.
The better question to ask married women with children is how did they find their husband. I do not know the answer to that as I am on the wrong side of the fence.
Be honest and look at how you are picking up the guys or why they are picking you up.
2007-08-11 04:58:02 · answer #1 · answered by OPM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand you reasoning for not wanting to make the annoucement of your young family just yet to a total stranger. However, you should never deny your children either to anyone. There are guys out there how would date you, inspite of the fact that you have kids, maybe with the intention of not getting serious. But once you show them how wonderful you are, then they may not see your family as a complication of the relationship. ****I would not go telling your first dates about other relationships, about anything scandelous you did in the past, nothing like that*** That is a big turn off. The guy would probably wonder what he was getting himself into, and run the other way as quick as possible.
Hope this helps.
2007-08-11 04:57:37 · answer #2 · answered by DONNA W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is always easier to maintain then a lie. On a first date, the idea is to just have a good time, some fun. There is no permanent relationship implied. Asking about your living situation could be genuine interest or just small talk. Treat it like any other conversation. If the man likes you for you, he will not be put off by your single mom status. At any rate, it is better to get it out, minus gory details like who the father is and why your not with him, on the first date, then get involved and have it come between you.
2007-08-11 04:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by fangtaiyang 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nicky - I'm a 44yo single guy. I use eharmony.
My experience has been that I have said that kids are NOT a turn off. BUT, I want to (first) date a woman, rather than her children. If the relationship developed, children would be part of the whole deal.
But I want to date a sexy, funny, expressive woman. Some parents define themselves in terms of their children.
On eHarmony, some women don't tell me anything apart from their relationship with their children. Do you like Souh Park, skydiving or skinnyipping ? Be the woman first, rather than (just) the parent.
Good luck :-)
2007-08-11 05:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by dryheatdave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't lie but unless it is brought up or asked, you don't have to reveal the fact that you have kids on a first or even second date. That can be something to reveal when it may be looking promising of having a future with the guy you're dating. Many guys don't want to date single moms but some are open to it if they get to know the mom as a person and proceed slowly.
By all means, try to have fun. Even if you didn't have kids, if you have a gloom and doom conversation first date, it is very unlikely that you will ever have a second date with that person.
2007-08-11 05:05:49 · answer #5 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Face it you come with kids! The right person will not run and welcome the additional parts of you! f you have to hide the kids or not speak of them you come off more as a bad mom who doesnt love her kids than as a woman who is afraid of them? Come on thats ridiculous! Be honest, you need a man in your life you not only cares for you but for your children as well. You are not looking for just your own happiness but someone who accepts your kids! Not telling men on first dates is not protecting your kids its being selfish. Speak up or dont go out. Maybe you should take a look at the kind of guy you are going out with. Maybe picking more responsible men or perhaps older would make a difference in their reaction.
2007-08-11 04:55:05 · answer #6 · answered by wherewasgodforthelost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The object of a first date is to get to know eachother.....basic details of eachother's daily life to be filled out later if there is mutual attraction. Mentioning that you have children is a massively important detail....obviously they are a major part of your life and whomever you end up dating would need to eventually interact with them.
If the guy does not feel comfortable with a woman that has children then you are wasting both your time and his time. Not to mention the emotional energy that you are expending. You should tell him about your children. If he stays then that is great....if not....well come on, lets be honest.....he would have left eventually. If things don't work out, don't go hunting for another man. Enjoy your life and enjoy your children. The right guy will come along when you aren't expecting it and you will not have to lie about anything.
2007-08-11 05:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, dating is hard enough without adding complications like omitting certain important details (kids). Bring the kids up in casual conversation...if he says "I thought you live alone" tell him you have kids, but no roommates.
Then if he runs, you need to go find a Parents Without Partners group in your area. There are tons of great men out there... the trick is finding them in the right places.
Stay away from bars,that's where the players go...they are NOT interested in kids...and if they are I would worry. Stay AWAY from on-line dating, that's where the pedophiles go to troll for single mommies with kids.
Try church, parents without partners, or if your kids are in school try the PTA. It's amazing how many single daddies out there face the same issues. Hang in there sweetie, it may seem like there is no one out there but if you are patient and wait for the right one, it will be so worth it in the end.
If you have an interest then join a club or organization. If you like the civil war, or the middle ages, join a recreationist group...its something you can do WITH your kids and you will meet folks in a safe enviroment. Not only will you meet some VERY nice people but you will discover that chivalry is NOT dead!
Been there. Good luck honey!
2007-08-11 05:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by Dainya 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From one single mom to another I can see where your coming from :( and I was always open about the fact that I had children never hid that from any of them but I also never let my children meet them... I would have them gone if he was to pick me up at my house or i would meet him... Getting to know you should be his first step if it goes well after a mounth or so then you can introduce your kids to him... but starting it off with a LIE... as you seem to think you have done will not get you the right man anyway... ya know what i mean? It takes a special man to Love you and your little ones or big ones witch ever the case :p I would keep the kids out of any relationship to begin with when he is ready to meet them you will know... I had one guy after a mounth of dating invite me and both my boys to a cook out at his parents :s i thought oh wow thats kinda crazy him meeting them for the first time and also introducing us all to his parents... i had secound thoughts about it but it was a great get together and all his siblings with there little ones where there so i found out that he was really a good kid man. So just relax he will fall in your lap :p ... Good luck hun and focus more on YOU and your babes...
2007-08-11 05:00:31 · answer #9 · answered by Genta 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think it is deceitful. i know it is probably difficult to just have a night out and enjoy yourself without feeling like you are getting your date all involved with yourself. but you need to understand, you have 2 kids. there's no getting out of that. if you want to have a good relationship, you have to be honest right away. do not spend your date describing in detail all the b.s. you've dealt with the baby's daddy (or daddies), but do not omit the fact you have children. i do feel that it is a pretty big omission when you're trying to get to know someone.
it's not that you shouldn't be able to date, but your kids are priority. they should not be hidden or pushed aside for you to start a new relationship. also, do not introduce them to several new men unless you're sure that the man will be around for a while. this ruins any sens of security they might have.
good luck!
2007-08-11 04:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by itsme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋