My bf has a friend, who is his ex-gf from the past and I dont want them 2 b friends. She has caused strife in his previous relationship, where she tried to sleep w/ him and want him to leave his ex-gf. My bf went to visit her and claim that she tried 2 sleep w/ him, but nothing happen. When confronted w/ the story again, he claimed that he made it up. He went and bought bikes w/ her, and didnt tell me b/c I was ready to leave him over her. She currently lives in VA and has a man, but I dont care. I still dont want my bf and her friends. Is it my place to make that demand?
2007-08-11 04:26:09 · 40 answers · asked by Linda J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Don't necessarily demand it. Talk it over and explain why you don't want him to be friends with her. Explain that she only is friends with guys to get with them. This should be very obvious to him. Also that if they were never friends and only friends because they dated, there should be no reason for them to be friends now. It is not like you are just jealous and have no valid reason. As long as you make a strong case and don't just tell him what to do you should be fine.
2007-08-11 04:31:02 · answer #1 · answered by Grumble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no way you can possibly win in this situation. If you tell him to do something because you have a problem with it and he refuses, then you will feel like an idiot. And if he goes along with it, to make you feel better about yourself then you'll still be the idiot. You can't control a person, and if he lets you control him this time what do you do next time he does something you have a problem with? And what happens when you do something he doesn't like?
Love isn't about controlling. Love is about acceptance and allowing the other freedom to do as he wishes and if you can't love a person who does things you don't like then get the heck out of the relationship.
There's no end to it and it'll only cause bigger problems if you try to control him and what he does.
No threats to try to change his mind, take responsibility for what you want and what you think you need and if you can't handle having a bf that has female friends you can't stand then leave him.
Once you start to try to have that much control over someone, you're in trouble.
you might not like this answer, but it's the mature thing to do.
How mature are you and how mature of a relationship do you want to have.
2007-08-11 04:42:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why a spouse could stay with a cheating husband?! it is a few thing with shallowness or deep financial dependency. i understand a relatives, the husband cheats for all time with some breaks, then he "is going back to the relatives", confesses in church... and looks for a clean "sufferer". The spouse regardless of the fact it somewhat is from a coming up united states, so in line with threat she is chuffed to be married here? additionally she isn't knowledgeable and works at a save, collectively as the guy is an accountant. So whilst she has her acquaintances over, she will recent her expert husband from a stepped forward united states, and her acquaintances thinks extreme approximately her. The husband is hiding that he cheats, and supposedly he's "late at artwork" (the place there are not any beyond commonplace time hours), so the spouse actual knows of roughly all his "adventures".
2016-10-02 02:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by courcelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I think is that your b/f isn't as committed to you as you are to him. In fact I don't think he wants to be committed to anybody at all right now. He's still playing the field. You can demand all you want, but unless he is ready to do it of his own free will, he's not going to do it at all. If he had real serious feelings towards you, he wouldn't be telling you how he's been seeing this other girl and what'all went on between them. The guy's just a player, not to be trusted, and he'll lie to you if he feels like it. Is that the best you think you're worth?
2007-08-11 04:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no I don't think it's right to ask him to dump any of his friends. I don't care if she likes him. He likes you so it doesn't matter anyway. There is a reason they aren't together anymore. I can see where this would be hard for you because I have the exact same thing. My bf hangs out with this girl that he "used to like a lot" and that makes me jealous but I try to control it. He is friends with a few of his ex's and while I hate it, I just can't ask him to drop them. I trust him, and you have got to do the same for your man
2007-08-11 04:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww I'm in nearly the same situation as you. My boyfriends xgf has a boyfriend, but I always get the feeling like she wants him to dump me and go out w/her again, she lives in a different state. Whenever they talk online he completely ignores me, then claims that he's not doing it. It literally takes him a half hour to answer a simple question because he's too busy talking w/her. It annoys me a lot, and he won't 'give up their friendship' even though they only became friends mid-way threw our relationship.... when she found out that he had a girlfriend. I don't think he'd dump me for her again, but I really don't like them talking and have asked him not to, but he won't. So I just live with it, and one day, hopefully, he'll stop talking to her.
2007-08-11 04:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can ask your man to dump her, or best, you can dump him. He doesn't sound like a bf material coz it seems like he has not gotten over her. I had similar problem in the past, and I asked my bf to dump his female friend. Well, he tried to, at least that what he told me. But then, he acted like a sorry victim and one day, I caught them together. That hurt so much and we just broke up. So why go through all the pain of asking him to dump her? Dumping him sounds better.
2007-08-11 04:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by eve22112 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right....But at the same time if he doesn't respect you enough to get rid of her maybe he really isn't right for you anyways and you need to get rid of him for being a jerk and he probably treats you like you are less a person and probably compares you two all the time.
Get rid of him you are better then that and him and her. He won't get rid of her move on with your life and be a woman and stand up for yourself.
He doesn't love you and you have to realize this or you will be fighting a loosing battle forever.
Love is there
Good luck
2007-08-11 04:32:54 · answer #8 · answered by Love_is_there 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you're coming from (and it does suck to be in this situation!), but I would tread carefully with this- if you demand that he not be friends with her, there's a good chance that you'll be the one that gets dumped. Instead, I would try talking to him about it, tell him that his friendship with her makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure, and that you feel more uncomfortable about it that you did before, since he lied to you about hanging out with her. You do have a right to honesty. If you catch him lying about her again, I would dump him without a moment's hesitation- you don't deserve to be treated in that way and he almost certainly will cheat on you with her if he continues to lie to you about his relationship with her.
I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but you need to look out for yourself- no one else will.
2007-08-11 04:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by littlebear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have a right to tell your bf that you think it is inappropriate for him to be spending time with her when she might still have feelings for him and that it makes you uncomfortable, BUT if you tell him not to be friends with her at all, he might feel like it's an ultimatum and will then resent you because as you said, he keeps claiming that nothing has happened.
2007-08-11 04:33:29 · answer #10 · answered by Lady J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋