My mother in law plays mind games with me.!what should I Do?

Question

Ever since his father's death, my husband has single handedly taken the responsibility of taking care & making his mother happy. Youngest if the four siblings he beleives that it is his most important duty. last year she moved in with us and I tried to welcome her to the best of my abilty, however I have soon realised that she is playing mind games & dirty games spoiling my r'ship with my husband. She behaves differently in front of him &behind his back makes me feel as an outsider in my own house. She would pass sly comments under her breath so I can hear but will always behave as the ever loving always comprimising mother in front of him. I understand her games and it makes me mad,but despite my making my husband aware of the situation he takes her side and blames me for being a drama queen and overreacting. All this is putting a heavy toll on our marraige as I can see my husband drifting away from me and hating me for not loving his motherthe way he does.

Answer 1

At least now you know where you stand with him. He is choosing her over you.
Youre not overreacting, he is being insensitive to you. He just doesnt care,

Answer 2

Your husband is so blind. Everyone in the world would know that mother n daughter-in-law dun go together. Btw, taking care of parent(s) doesnt have to be a sole responsibility of only one child out of four. Anyway, if your husband is drifting away and hate you coz of this...do consider a time out between the two of you. Separate from him for a while..go back to your parents for a week or two. Let him know that you have tried making him understand and maybe by going away for a while he has time to miss you and maybe catch his own mother saying bad things about u when you're not around. I would say that this man don't deserve u if he can't even put his priority right. Good luck.

Answer 3

That is sad. I've a cousin whose marriage is over because of the same situation. She actually moved to an apartment with her 3 kids and the mother-in-law is in her house with her soon to be ex. How sick is that?
Your husband should have your back, not hers. When you married you should have become the most important female in his life, Mommy taking a backseat.
I have a similar problem in the everyone in my husbands family is more important than me. It is very hurtful and even though we've discussed this time and time again nothing changes.
I've pretty much had it and after 21 years I'm ready to throw in the towel. You and I deserve better from these men who have never cut the apron strings. As far as I am concerned they aren't really men at all but little boys who still need their Mommies. Sad but true.

Answer 4

Two ways you could handle it, let it bother you or not. The way to extinguish a behavior is not to positively reinforce it. If she realizes that she won't get a reaction from you, she will stop. You might have to put up with some pretty awful behavior, because she make really kick it up a notch before she realizes it's ineffective. But if you can handle it, she will stop.

However, if you feel you are being abused to an intolerable degree, you need to set limits. It may not be something you can resolve just between the 3 of you. It may require family counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You have my deepest sympathy. I know you are aware that it was a terrible mistake to agree to having your mother-in-law move into your home. The process to have her move into either a retirement home or assisted living facility will take a lot of doing. You need to start the procedure by obtaining brochures from various suitable places not too distant from your home but not too close either. Bring the topic up with your husband by telling him that you are sure that his Mother would be much happier in a place of her own instead of feeling like a visitor all of the time. It will take some doing but you have to show sympathy and regard for your mother-in law when you talk to your husband.

Answer 6

You can only control your own behavior. But you have to stick up for yourself. Demanding that people respect you is not being a drama queen. You have to be prepared to step away from this marriage.
Regarding these under-her-breath comments, you can stop what you are doing, and ask her to repeat what she said. If her comment is unacceptable, you can tell her that.
If your husband is taking her side against you, you have to tell him that that is not something that you will accept.
She should not be living with you.
Go to marriage counseling as soon as possible. The counselor can objectively analyze the situation based on the way you and your husband explain it.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I have the perfect solution, it might sound hard but if you do this, it will make her stop, and actually after a little while you will enjoy it as well. You have to ask her to go with you to places, like a clothing store, and ask does this look good on me and if she says no, be like yeah, I didn't think so. or when you go out anywhere invite her, make her feel like a friend. It's going to change everything, and if you think that your marriage is worth saving, you have to take a chance, and don't worry about scoring the time, just have fun and actually enjoy it. My grandma hates all of my aunts she dosen't even talk to them, but she loves my mom to death, because my mom is always getting her involve in all that she can, and my mom loves her back. My boyfriends mom,used to be like that with me, now we live toguether, I almost moved out, because all she said, but now we go out to places all the time, and I know she will do anything for me and I for her. Trust me It has to start with YOU.

Answer 8

you are in a difficult situtation, sadly man will most of the time lean on his mother side...i know is harder for you because yuo have to deal with the mom and make him believe you are right...well what you can do is talk to the mother and tell her how you feel telling her that you love her to be at your house but you dont want problem with your husband because of her... you are the wo men of the house...and need to put some rules...talk to her and ask her what is that really bothers her, what does she behave like that... ask her do you love your son? if yes then lets make him happy by getting alone and stop playing games...obviously you could use different words...i hope i helped a little bit....take care and good luck

Answer 9

Wow that really is a shame. I seriously believe that a lot of relationships end because of the spouses parent(s). That is probably the worst feeling, ever! I would seriously lay down the law with her. Tell her that you feel that she is making you uncomfortable in your own house. How dare she! Tell your husband that if it doesnt get better you'll just move out and he can live with his mommy. I know thats a little harsh and you prob wouldn't want that, but I would be SO mad. I think living with inlaws is like asking for a prison sentence. I understand where your coming from...i get along w/ my mother in law (but still get irritated) so i can't even imagine how you feel! He's married now...and his mother needs to get over herself.

Answer 10

Sit her down just the two of you and lay down the law! Let her know how you feel and that is YOUR home so either she can respect you. I'm quite sure you never went into her home and treated her like that. If you don't think you will be able to spit it all out at one time or you may forget something - write her a letter telling her how you feel. Don't let her get away with this crap. My husband told me to ignore mine too until he saw/heard it for himself. Maybe you should show him a sample of what you put up with. Don't let her push you around.

Answer 11

Catch her on tape, on video. Catch moments where she is being a bit** and speak about it with your husband.

Do not make an issue about this, dont get hyper, talk about it like a man with him and not like a woman.

Dont give the impression that you want her out, but that you want to live with her and that he has to understand that she has her way of living and that he should keep it in mind that you are not prejudiced towards her.

Usually you will rave and rant about his lack of understanding, and he will 'normally' assume it to be your animosity towards his mom. Obviously he cannot 'divorce' her or 'exorcise' her from his life and you will become a bigger and bigger cribber.

So think from his point of view and just show him a couple of clips (do not over do it) and tell him this is what is happening and that you just want him to know and take her words with a pinch of salt.

Or use the clip to show your MIL that you have evidence and black mail her into changing her ways !!!

Good luck .