My daughter recently she got herself into some major trouble with the law, and we are helping her out. When we first told her we would help she said, I know I messed up. I know I need to change. Now its I am confused. I want to go back to where I have friends and connection (she wants to be a music producer/artist). I have tried to explain to her, that she can still do that, but you must find a job to be able to take care of yourself. She can be in the "studio" all night if she wants to, but she must finance her dream. How will you eat? How will you survive? Surely not by living off of me, and your friends will only deal with you for so long. We have always been supportive of our children no matter what, only providing the basics until we see they are really serious a hobby,sport, etc. I feel like how many times can I let her slap me in the face. Is it wrong for me to cut all ties if she choses to go back to her friends/environment, who I believe are the reason for her troubles.
2007-08-11 03:42:29 · 9 answers · asked by anuevomi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you are right when you insist she gets a job to finance her life... i think it is nice to help, but you have the right to place "conditions" on your daughter. she is an adult, and needs to learn responsibility.
i'm really sorry to hear she got into the mess with the law... it sounds like she does have ambition... now she needs direction, which i see you're trying to provide by helping her see what SHE needs to do.
i don't think you need to "cut all ties" really... but don't let her use you.... you have given her the message she needs to stand on her own two feet, and i think it's a good thing to stick with that...
i hope things work out. sending hugs
2007-08-11 04:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cut ties with your child she is only human & at the age of 21 alot of people make mistake you have to always encourage her of her dreams even if she does'nt do anything about it cutting ties will make her rebell even more. Life is not promised lets just say you cut ties with her and an accident happens to her and now she's dead you will feel very guilty for the rest of your life because you never allowed yourself to make up You are her mother and parenting is not easy but don't give up. You can not make her change and when you tell a child not to deal with a certain friend that only makes them deal even more so don't judge her friends and don't her. Tell her a story about you when you were 21 talk 2 her about your past. It want hurt.
2007-08-11 04:19:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong for you to cut all ties with her. You have told her your views of the situation. You have tried to help her. Now she needs to choose for herself what she wants to do. She's 21, and its her own life. If she can't realize that her life is going in a bad direction, then that's her problem. You've done your part.
2007-08-11 04:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Legally, she's an adult. Emotionally, she's still a teenage girl, wishing for the things girls wish for.
You're absolutely right, she needs to start becoming self reliant and that begins by getting a job. Until then, I'd offer moral support, but no money.
2007-08-11 03:52:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, I would argue against a harsh position, but, in this case, no. I think that you are correct. Whatever hurt feelings that may be caused, will be healed when she become more mature and is wise enough that "tough love" to understand that is what is required and in her own long term best interests.
2007-08-11 03:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she is not mature. The only way is to let go if there is no chance that you can change her mind. As long as she knows you will bail her out she will continue and not learn anything. I would suggest family counselling this might help.
Good luck.
2007-08-11 03:49:54 · answer #6 · answered by foxandthehound 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 21 yr old daughter myself and we are in the same position so i know how you feel. I have given my daughter a used vehicle when she got her license and she wrecked 30 days later. she kept asking for a new vehicle for a about 8 months but we gave in so she wouldnt drive our vehicles. so we got her a new one so she could find a job she finds one but cant hold onto them cuz she is too in mature too keep them. I have told when she calls for money i tell her i dont have it to give to her and she needs to be more responsible with her money. If we keep given money they will never learn to be able to be self reliant for themselves and they will keep askin. i told her i am done givin her money. i will supoort her with anything but not money. good luck
2007-08-11 06:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by ice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont need to cut all ties, just dont give her money. Dont let her live with you unless she is working and paying rent and doing her share of the housework. Make her be responsible.
2007-08-11 03:57:50 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is 21 and of age she can do whatever she wants to do and no matter what you say she will so do what you think is best or just talk to her.
2007-08-11 04:23:19 · answer #9 · answered by Mel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋