What do I say to my son when the time comes?

Question

I live in a small town that is very religious. There is literally a church for every 5 people.

I am an atheist although I have respect for other people's beliefs. I know that my son will be influenced and hear about god often.

What do I say when he asks me about god and what I think? I don't want to say anything that will make him think that Christians are bad, or that we should hate them.

The main thing is that I want him to think for himself. I don't care if he grows up and wants to be a priest or a minister, as long as he made that decision for himself. But if he chooses to not believe in god I am afriad that he will make pretend that he does just to fit in with others.

I don't necessarily want him to believe exactly what I believe, I want him to think for himself and ask questions.

What are good ways to explain other religions to him? What are good ways to explain to him that I do not believe in god?

All I want is for him to be a good person. That is all I ask.

I also think that sometimes religion can be a little overwhelming for children of young ages. I went to catholic school and some of the things that they told me scared the hell out of me. So did the pictures of Jesus nailed to a cross. Do you think that it is appropriate to show/tell children.

In catholic school, starting in the first grade we were shown very graphic movies about Jesus' death around Easter time every year. I don't want people to tell my son about this.

The only preschools that they have here are in churches. Should I send him anyway? Has anyone sent their child to one?

I don't want to force my beliefs on him just like I don't want anyone else to.

Answer 1

you be honest with him and tell him that everyone believes what makes sense to them
you know your sons capabilities and understanding and how to word it
my middle one ... she was 9 when she really started asking ... although until then just thought that everyone was Christian as it was the most common belief in her school
now she doesn't know what to believe , so i try to answer her questions honestly and encourage respect for others beliefs
it is perhaps a little different here in the UK and children aren't teased for their beliefs
but children understand a lot more than we give them credit for
you sound like a great mum and I am sure you will do just fine when the time comes to explain xx

Answer 2

This was a lot longer than I expected. I hope I answered the main parts of your question well enough.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

What are good ways to explain to him that I do not believe in god?
If he does become a Christian, the worst thing that could happen is that he joins an Exclusive one ... one that has little respect for other faiths.
He will be excited by his new found faith and want you to understand it too. A "No Thanks" won't satisfy him.
But if you can look at those teachings and repeat them back to him so he knows you listened, and then say, "No Thanks, but good luck with it yourself", he'll know you made an informed decision.

What do I say when he asks me about god and what I think?
With some writers, if there is something the hero notices early in the story, that is a clue that will help solve the "who-done-it". It was put there for a reason ... it wasn't just an accident that can be ignored.
Same with humans. Are we accidents that happened to become highly developed or was there an intellegent being that put us here for a reason? Belief in God gives people a greater feeling of purpose and importance.
Then you can tell him you want him to feel important, but how he finds that is up to him.
As for explaining what you think, you will have to analyse that yourself. "Because if there was a loving God, why is there so much suffering in the world" may not be good enough since much of the suffering is caused by man against fellow man.

What are good ways to explain other religions to him?
Religions grew up in different areas of the world where different virtues are valued than in other parts.
Unfortunately, many believers thought the other faiths got it wrong instead of they saw other bits that inspired them. They all want to find "The Truth", but some stopped looking after finding Laws, or Feeling Good, or relating with nature.
Tell him never to stop questioning because parts of the TRUTH can be found in many places. He can never be hurt by hearing more opinions ... he just has to decide which to take and which to reject.

Answer 3

I'm not atheist, but I am pagan in a very mainstream-religious community.

Tell your son just what you told us--that you want him to think for himself. Take a pro-active stance--help him find out about all kinds of beliefs. Tell him what you believe, and why, and then ask him what he thinks.

You'll be his main guide on a life-long journey. When he has questions about specific sects, religions, or denominations, take him to the library or hop online with him and find out what he wants to know. Ask him questions, too--the Socratic method is valuable teaching method. It's effective because it forces a person to figure out WHY they think as they do--and answers found that way are far more satisfying than answers we are simply given.

I cannot repeat this enough--be pro-active in your son's journey. Good ways to explain other religions? From the words of th believers. Good ways to explain your own ideas? In your own words. But it should always be emphasized that those words describe what you or others believe, not what he must believe.

If you can do this--if you can be fair, and non-judgmental when explaining other beliefs--then I think you will not be disappointed in your son.

Answer 4

I applaud you for not wanting to force your non belief on to him. May God bless you for that. As a atheist you can't possible have the ability to give any answers in full at least about belief in God. I would only hope that if the time does come and he says "Mom can I go to church with Billy" You say Yes. The best thing to say is "I don't know lets ask someone what they think" then find someone you trust for a answer.

Answer 5

Im a christian and I respect your views, I think you should just tell him there are ppl that believe in something called God and explain the best you can to child about god and there are ppl that dont believ explain your side the best you can just tell him you dont think its real. Thats what I would do.

Answer 6

Please allow him to ask questions and try not to give him your answers, but tell him where to go to get answers - there are plenty of excellent resources for all religions and atheism.

I grew up atheist in an atheist home (actually my parents rather despised Christians)
I went to college and later in life after intense research found the Truth of Jesus Christ.
Although I knew how my parents felt they never tried to sway my thinking. Bless them for that.
I have only talked to them once about Jesus - the rest is up to God.

I see one issue for you - you say you want him to be good.
What is your definition of good and how will you convince him to buy into it?

Answer 7

Well you tell him the truth just like what you did there.

Daycare you need to be careful about. If you pick the wrong one they will take advantage of the situation. I would not send mine to a religious one.

Answer 8

Tell your son exactly what you wrote here. He will understand and hopefully will have the same open-mindedness that you have.

Sending his to a religious preschool very easily might brainwash him. Be careful.

Answer 9

Tell him your beliefs and then tell him other beliefs from around the world, this will show him that there is more to the world than Christianity and atheism.

Answer 10

You are already spelling out what is you are going to say!..
Just print it out and let him read it...
But I would insert a warning about the pernicious side of organize religion for our free society.