When i was 13 i was dating an older boy 16 who was very nice at first, one day he turned on me took me by surprise out of nowhere, he beat me up very bad, punched me in the stomach about 30 times, was mentally cruel. At the time I didnt understand what was happening, i didnt tell anyone because i was embarrased and confused. I even went out with again and he was nice and then beat me and verbally abused me again. I met a guy at a new HS when i was 15 and have not spoken to this ex ever again.
I'm 23 now, and commute to college. Ever since I was 15 I take a different path from my home to get to the bus/subway or for anything. its 3 minutes longer. He works in donut shop where my short path is. I havent walked there since I was 15. I think hes crazy and i dont want confrontations with him. Have not spoke to him since 15 and seen him only twice since and i gave him no eye contact at all.. Am I doing the right thing or do you think it gives him control over me that I walk a different path
2007-08-11 02:45:57 · 19 answers · asked by Jetglam 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The reason im thinking of him is because my Mom told me she saw him standing outside the donut shop and she said he was starring at her like he wanted to hurt her.
2007-08-11 02:47:37 · update #1
I havent spoke to him since i was 15, why get a restraining order?
2007-08-11 02:51:02 · update #2
Theres no way im going into that store and talk to him, he has not changed because when he sees my mother he stares her down.
2007-08-11 03:07:12 · update #3
beating up this guy will make him even more angry, i dont want him coming after me again or my mother. He is a crazy person.
2007-08-11 03:56:43 · update #4
Absolutely avoid him.. Further more , you might want to consult a lawyer about possibilities of a restraining order of some type if you think he wishes your family harm.
The statute of limitations has probably run out for the crimes he committed but it would not hurt to check on that too.
And you probably do need to see a counselor or therapist for the deeply ingrained emotional state that this has placed you in.
Some self-defense classes or martial arts program may help you feel more empowered and less victimized as well.
2007-08-11 02:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by bro_tj1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be careful. Remember Ronald Goldman in the OJ Simpson case? Whether he was ever OJ's wife's lover or not is irrelevant. OJ thought it to be the case, and in his disturbed mind, responded to him nearly as violently as he responded to her being with him. The end result: they are both dead. Point being, don't underestimate the danger that you could be in, and don't underestimate the danger that you being around/with her could put her in. If your relationship is new, and he is a threat, you deserve to know the facts...for your sake. Depending on what those facts are, you both may wish to talk this out with a domestic violence counselor for the safety of you both. If you think I'm overblowing this, please consider: most homicides by intimate partners occur during the first year following physical separation from the abusive partner, and, some DV victims are not able to accurately estimate the level of danger they could be in. Edit: Look at the facts. The guy had no qualms about BREAKING IN to another man's apartment to commit an act of VIOLENCE. And, this act of violence might well have been done with the intent not only to scare the guy off, (a controlling tactic often used by abusers) but to INTIMIDATE her, as well. That, in itself, is ABUSIVE. No question. You can bet where there's smoke there's fire. I'd investigate further...and be somewhat wary of investigating it with the guy (as suggested by another poster). You could be putting yourself in harm's way. And, more than likely, he's not going to tell you how it really was. Anti-socials are manipulative. He's already proven he manipulates by his controlling behavior. He'd likely try to give you a charming little song and dance that bears very little resemblance to the truth.
2016-05-19 21:33:14 · answer #2 · answered by lucille 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds dangerous, you really should report his behavior to the police.
They may ask if you want to press charges. It definitely comes under assault and battery. Would you want another girl,or your mother, to be beat up by him ? He's bigger and stronger than he was 8 years ago.
Go in the donut shop with someone while he's there. You might ask if he's ever outgrown his bad temper. If he apologizes, let it slide. If he asks you out, politely say no, he left you with less than the best memories of him. He could have dated so many other girls he does not remember, or claims not to.
If he's obnoxious, he probably has not changed, and you should at least file a report, or ask the police about it. You're protecting other people by this.
2007-08-11 03:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by Laurence W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have any friends on the police force it would be wise to have word with them. go to your local police force station anyway and ask if there is someone you can talk to about this issue.
You obviously have been afraid for a very long time. If you feel that this person is a threat to you or your Mother someone in authority should be told.
The police may say , until he does something to you you have no case. but if you tell them about the beatings ,.they just might keep an eye on him.
If you know of anyone else he has abused, get them in on this too.
He needs to be stopped before he commits something worse than beatings
2007-08-11 04:26:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't get a restraining order. The incidents you report are too long ago.
I don't think you should go out of your way to avoid him. If you meet, I would simply tell him that he should buzz off and that you now know that what he did was abuse and if he tries to get anywhere near you again, you will go to the police (current offense following past bad acts).
I think I might go so far as to write down EVERYTHING you remember and give it to a trusted friend. Then if he confronts you, tell him to leave you alone or the entire story will get out.
The first few times I passed by, I think I might bring a friend with me ... but generally, no I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid him.
If he can't let it go, then he probably SHOULD be in jail...
2007-08-11 02:54:09 · answer #5 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For right now, the extra 3 minutes is a good investment of your time. Keep him out of sight. As you grow, you will know when you are able to go by the store and even look at him, but there is no need to look at his evil eye.
2007-08-11 02:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are right to avoid him completely. You would be looking for trouble otherwise. I think you would be giving him control if you came around him or talked to him again. Sever all ties and stay away. This guy's a loose cannon.
2007-08-11 06:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Stevie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is extremely dangerous. I dont call it control he has over you that you dont go into the shop, I call it common sense that you dont want to get killed. Believe me, he will end up in the newspapers sooner rather than later and so BE WARY. I would even move away from that town
2007-08-11 03:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, you are definately doing the right thing. Anyone who has hurt you doesn't have the right to see you or try to contact you. You could get a restraining order if you feel that's necessary, but I think you're doing the right thing.
2007-08-11 02:51:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Woow, what a psycho! Yeah I think your doing the right thing, why would you want someone like that in your life again... i think you learned a little about life when going out with him...DON'T LET ANY MAN LAY A FINGER ON YOU! Don't talk to him !!!
2007-08-11 02:51:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋