My son passed away?

Question

My son Landon passed away on Jan. 21 2007. Due to complications after birth he died after he was 21 hours old.
Its now what August? And I'm not even half way okay with him being gone..and tonight seems to be hitting me hard.
My son's father recently broke off our engagement. And only god knows why..It has alot to due with having so much stress on our relationship I guess. I just really need some help getting through this and can't seem to find it anywhere else, and I can't talk in person or I'd go see a counselor because all I will do is cry that's all I do anyways.. I want to talk to other moms, On here. Losing your first child is hard. REALLY hard. Anyways this probably doesn't make sense because I'm crying to much and I can't really see the computer screen but I need help.....

I did have a funeral for him and I do have a memory box as well, My doctor did diagnoses me with postpartum deperssion and gave me soemthing I jus have not taken it yet, Also if you would like to see pictures of landon youcan go to my myspace page www.myspace.com/britty_lu

Answer 1

Hon, I am so sorry about your loss. It doesn't matter how old are children are ..if we lose them it is a loss beyond what anyone can comprehend.
On July 23, this year was the fifth aniversary of the death of my baby.....my youngest....who actually wasn't a baby but a 21 year old young man. The grief can't be explained.
Then this July 23, my friends son passed away.
I sure with that you, me and my friend didn't know how it feels to lose a child. I wish that it didn't happen to anyone.
I tried to tell myself that Many mothers over the generations have lost sons. But, that didn't help. Then I realized that -- this was my only life, my son and that no matter how many children & babies have died over the years.....this was MY son, MY loss. My New Life pain to endure. Time will never be the same.

Don't let people tell you that you will get over it. It will always be with you. You will eventually be stronger and carry the pain tucked away in your heart. And there will be times that you will grieve. I take a day here and there and just grieve. It has been five years for me and it still feels like yesterday.

I truely believe that your son is in heaven in a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no human fraility.
I know that doesn't ease your pain, but if you can think of him in the arms of angels when you feel so sad that you feel that your heart will never heal.

Look for miricles. The spiritual world is closer than we imagine. Most mothers or people might say this is nuts. But I believe I get signs from my son. For instance one day I found pennys every time I turned around. All over. So on my way in to my appartment I said out loud to my son Aaron.." Aaron if you are the one connecting with me via these pennys- I need to find one in an interesting....close to impossible place.

I walked into my room. Went to open the window that is long and almost to the floor. And there right up against the build ing was a penny. It is behind bushes and no where someone could drop it. It made me feel connected with him. He also sets of my alarm clock when it is turned off. A friend who is a elictrition told me to throw it out because that isn't possible to happen. I said NO, it is my miricle. Maybe these things are coincidential........or maybe they are miricles.

If you need to chat you can fime me on Yahoo messenger as
ingiestrawberry (where I am now) or as clcalifornia

Messenger is a free download at yahoo.
You need support and understanding now.
I would be more than happy to connect with you.

Answer 2

Brittnee, I'm not a mom but your story just touched me. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been 8 months since your baby boy died. It's traumatic, what you've been through. Don't ever feel like you must rush your grieving process. If you feel like crying, then cry sweetheart. I have no words to offer that will comfort you. I wish I did. But just know that someone out here cares about your pain, even though we've never met. I'm sending you a BIG HUG. May God meet you where you're at and comfort you as you process through your grief. And know that Landon is looking down on you with his sweet angel face thanking God he had such a loving mommy, even for just a short while.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss and for the trauma you have been going through over the months. Going to a therapist is a good idea, it is ok to cry, they are trained to handle situations like yours. Have you tried to find a support group? I have never been in a situation such as yours, but I would imagine talking to other parents who have gone through the same tragic experience such as yours would help you a lot. It is normal to cry, as a matter of fact I think if I was talking to you in person I would expect you to try. I guess it can be realted to when anyone loses a pet, child, parent or grandparent. It hurts to talk about it, but as you talk about it more and more you learn coping strategies.
I know anyones advice on here is easier said than done. When you are ready you will take the steps necessary to remember your son in your heart and to move forward with your life.

Answer 4

This is not something that you can get over in a few months, or in some cases, a few years. You need to grieve. My husband and I have been through 3 early miscarriages, the premature birth of our son (He was almost 3 months early and almost died before and after birth), and we lost a baby girl the day after our son's birthday last year (Our son turned 3 yesterday (Aug 10th), so today is our daughter's birthday. We only had her for 20 minutes, as she was born at 21 weeks. If you two want to work things out you need to join a support group for parents that have lost a baby. Yahoo groups has an online support group that is great. There is also a website where you can put your child's name on a online memorial wall with their birth date and the date that they passed. It is www.angels4ever.com. there is a link to the yahoo group on that site. I am having a hard time getting to sleep here tonight because I keep looking at my daughter's picture and missing her. Like I said, it has been a year today for us and it is not easy. Have you also talked to your doctor about post-partum depression? Depression can be even worse when your baby has passed away. I was in such a deep depression I could barely take care of our son. My doctor put me on Zoloft, and it made a huge difference. It didn't help with the grief, but it helped get rid of the fog I had been living in. Please get some help. I am sorry that this has happened to you. Did you have a funeral for your baby? If not, you should have some kind of service, just for closure. We are going to put flowers and balloons on our daughter's gravesite for her birthday today. Please check out the websites. There are so many women on there that have been through this that can help you through it. One thing that also helped me is setting up a memorial shelf for Kimberly. I have a memory box that my nurse put together for us, sympathy cards we received, my ultra sound video, angels, her picture, dried flowers from her funeral. Just make it anything that reminds you of your son. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I too lost my son due to birth defect on oct 26 2006, indeed its great sad in losing a baby, especially first baby. Everything happens for some reason, as time passes, mentally u will be more stronger and ready to face challenges, dont get bob down, that wont make any sense. Give time for grieving process and make sure ur body gets ready for the next baby as soon as possible. While trying dont think of the baby u lost. Lots of baby dust for u, big hugs.

Answer 6

aww sweetheart i am so sorry to hear what you are going through but no that your precious little angel is looking down on you right now and always will. and also know there are people here who you can talk to. i dont know you but i will help you through this if you would like i can be someone you can talk to. i had a son born with numerous life threating birth defects and lost him 5 times but he did come back. i dont know exactly what you are going through but those 5 times was the hardest and scariest moments of my life. i cant do much for you but be here to give you someone to talk to. if you would like to talk you can e-mail me anytime day or night i am on a lot and just write your feelings or anything i am a great listener and i can be here for you.. my e-mail address is [e-mail] and if you would like i have a myspace account i already sent you a friend request. again i am sorry for you loss and i wish i could take the pain away from you and make it all better but just know landon will always be with you in heart heart and will always be looking down on you from heaven. good luck and god bless.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss. You really do need to go and see a coucilor even if all you do is cry. Eventually the crying will slow down at the meetings and you will eventually heal your broken heart. I think maybe you should take your bf with you to a different lot of meetings as I think you will really feel it if you lose him to. Keep your chin up and remember your beautiful boy will always be in your heart.

Answer 8

Im really sorry to hear that, dont give up now, the best thing is for you to move forward, and always hav eyour son in your heart if the father cant be with you hen let it be. Life keeps going on.
That does sound like alot of pressure, you cant hold yourself back or put yourself through this GOd works in mysterious ways.

Answer 9

i had a stillbirth in january'06 and you will probably never be ok with him being gone. i am pregnant again 33 weeks and i broke down at my baby shower the other day. taking medications did not help me it made me worse. you just have to pray and keep faith in God and know your lil boy is sitting on jesus' lap with my lil girl watching over us. it is goin to hit you hard from time to time no matter if its ten years from now. evrything happens for a reason believe it or not there was a reason for our babies short time on earth its just something we are not meant to understand. i hope i have helped you. god bless