One of my close friends has been going through some "regression" since someone close to him passed away. We've been friends for years and according to him and our friends, i was always the girl that "opened him up" - he felt comfortable w. me and could easily tell me things compared to other people where they would question him about things. He's a "shy" type with girls and keeps to himself with his own personal matters but open and outgoing with others.
Since we've met he's always adored/respected me. Earlier this year, i realized i felt the same way and he did, so we kinda "got together" (kisses/cuddles) and I was his first kiss (we're in our 20's). But after this, we decided not to rush and become friends. About a month later, he lost his friend and everything went downhill with out relatiionship.
The whole time i was just concerned about my friend and how he was doing; i didn't want anything else but for him to be okay and for us to be good friends again. Instead, he's been avoiding me the most - avoiding all his friends and only talking to "certain people" and i'm not included. He has no "problems" anymore, and he's back to this insecure, quiet guy who comes off as an a s s h o l e. The random times when we would talk now and then, he would be NORMAL but everytime he gets closer to me, he comes different - he's NORMAL with everyone else but with me, it's like i'm the plague and he wants to avoid getting sick...
Why doesn't he wanna get close again?
2007-08-10 19:19:34 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's like everytime we're "normal" again he takes a step back and pretends that it never happen...it's more of fear that something bad might happen if we get close and thus, it's my fault...
2007-08-10 19:24:13 · update #1
he's also a "shy boy" - we haven't really "talked-talked" in a long time and i don't know if half the time it's him wanting "reassurance"
2007-08-10 19:24:57 · update #2
It's entirely possibly the man needs more time to grieve for the loss he's going through?
Many of us would rather "suffer in silence" instead of opening up to even our closest friends (male as well as female).
Give your buddy 2 more weeks....then send him a snail mail friendship card. Include a short note asking if he's upset with you for some reason? More than likely---you'll get a phone call or an email...along with some sort of an explanation?
That's the time to lay your cards on the table and ask him "what happened to the closeness we used to have?"
GOOD LUCK!
2007-08-10 19:28:16 · answer #1 · answered by argytunes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it's generally assumed that saying "You can tell me anything, I'm up for ears anytime." would suffice to let her know you're there for her, people generally don't take that up as for bait. It always varies on the person and the relationship. Some people just aren't open or comfortable with sharing their problems and such, and you have to respect that. However, I understand completely with what you're going through so here's my answer. Just be there for her. She'll eventually open up to you because of your dedication and your sincerity and how concerned you are for her. Text her with a "hey how're you?" and the occasional "whatsup?" Don't forget to hang out with her and make sure the time you spend with her is worthwhile, but also builds trust. Also, don't be afraid to tell her things that are bothering you, a common rule is to introduce yourself before asking someone else's name, so why can't that apply to secrets and thoughts? Tell her how you feel. Eventually in time she'll open up to you, so goodluck and stay strong my friend!
2016-04-01 11:01:28 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys tend to keep things to themselves, more so if they are the "shy" types. They would like to appear being control and be on top of things, instead of seeking external help or even opening up about what's troubling them.
Deep inside, you worry about how he's coping with life, simply because you care a lot about him. Trust me, I've been in your shoes. The best is to give him ample time to be on his own. However, let him know that you will always be there for him, no matter what happens. Patience is very important in dealing with such situation.
Hopefully, over time, he will look for you and slowly be like before. The thing is, you should not push him to open up but assure him that he can always count on you.
Good luck! :)
2007-08-11 02:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by serenada 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe give him some time if he's lost someone, he could think it would happen to you and not want to get close to you or distance himself from everything that reminds him of his friend including people...The best advice I can give is respect his privacy or being a jerk whatever you want to call it, he should know you'll be there but if you keep trying to talk and get close to him then he'll keep pushing you farther and farther away, it's weird how that works but it's true, after a while hopefully he'll come around
2007-08-10 19:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by B B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby, i think you are in love.
tell him to open up, talk with him and tell him how much you care for him and these things will break such a wonderful relationship. you are too good for him i think. pessimist people need sucdcess to open up. ask him to be brave and be normal and show the greatness of a man.
" It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone "
2007-08-10 19:42:08 · answer #5 · answered by angelboy_23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sort of had this happen when i lost my father. somtimes you just dont feel like talking. It will take time. So he may very still want to get close just give him some time
2007-08-10 19:29:53 · answer #6 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he finds it awkward. It might be best to ask him what's going on, and that you'd like to become closer. Tell him it's no pressure but you just feel like your connection's lost.
2007-08-10 19:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by oreoreoreo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋