Proper sleeping arrangements when visiting my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is going to college in a town two hours from my college town. He shares a two bedroom apartment with three roommates. There are two twin beds in each bedroom and they have a large sofa in the living room. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year, and have known two of his three roommates for at least a year. I feel very comfortable and close to them all, like they're my brothers. Whenever I visit my boyfriend, I sleep on the sofa, or in bed with him. However, my mother who lives near MY college town, says that she worries people will think I am a "bad" girl with a dirty repuation, because I spend every other weekend staying in an apartment where the male female ratio is 4:1. I say that it doesn't matter, she says it does and people will look down on me. Any advice? I love my boyfriend very much and we are discussing an engagment. Do I just ignore my mother, or should I find somewhere else to stay while I visit him to "save face"?

I am 18 and he is 19. His 3 roommates are 18, 18 and 19.

Answer 1

Your mother is right, that IS what people will think. But that's not what people SHOULD think. Our world is so messed up. Everyone is nosy and in everyone else's business. People like to assume the worst, nastiest things about other people.

I'm not sure what to tell you. You're obviously an honest, sweet girl but can easily be seen as the opposite, even though that's not your fault.

However I do hope you and your boyfriend are very happy together and if you're getting engaged and possibly married I wish you the best! :)

Answer 2

I would leave it up to them. When you come in and meet them you ask them where do they want you to put your stuff. Then they can show you a room--be it the living room sofa or your boyfriend's room. I know in my family no one was allowed to stay in the same room. My husband and I lived together and were engaged, but at the family, he brought an air mattress and inflated it in the living room. My parents (due to you having the child) would have allowed you and your 3 yr old to stay in his room and he would have stayed on the couch. In my house I imagine once they are engaged it would be ok. Either way this is the first time you are staying at their house so I wouldn't assume it. However Bridgette may not be ok with sharing a room with a woman she's never met and a 3 year old. If you ask when you enter they will tell you what their opinion on this is. "Oh I set up the guest room for you" or "don't worry about it--John is giving you his room".

Answer 3

Maybe you could compromise and sleep on the sofa or sleep in his bed and make him sleep on the sofa, I mean if your mother thinks sleeping with him is a big deal, if she doesn't and it's just about the college then people will think what they want to think, hopefully you normally give the impression you aren't a "woman for hire", Strong-willed mother can be difficult to deal with, if it bothers you that much it might be better to find a place off campus or maybe with some girls on campus if she will consent to that

Answer 4

I think you and your boyfriend would be smarter to find another place to sleep together. You should not sleep on the sofa in the common room.

You say you've known these people for some time, but you don't know how they'll behave under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You present a tempting picture to someone who isn't in full control of himself.

Answer 5

Stop playing these silly games!

You should scrape up enough $$ every other week or two and get a hotel room and rock your boyfriend's world!

If you don't, I promise you, some else will and you will lose him. I guarantee you!

Most important, understand, accept and appreciate how guys really are. They love sex all the time and whenever they can get it. They will lie until they're dead in the grave before they'll admit this to you. Accept it and comfort them by telling them it's OK and you'll be there to give it up when they need it, as long as they agree to be there for you (time-wise) .

Either that...or you're screwed!

Answer 6

Sorry girl, but eventhough you're not doing anything bad
with the other guys, some people might think you are.
Try staying at a hotel near by. Sometimes, colleges have
some extra rooms for visitors, you could use one while
you're staying with your boyfriend.

Answer 7

It just sounds like your mother is very whateverish. I'd just ignore her, and if anyone does say anything, just explain to them how the guys are like your brothers. But, I don't think to many people are concerned with things like that anymore.

Answer 8

if you are over 18, then just sleep with him. nobody can control you and its not anything bad to be sleeping with your boyfriend. if you were younger than that then you should still be able to sleep with him but i can see where your mom might be a little iffy about it. but i slept over at my boyfriends house all the time when i was 17, and its not considered anything bad. and his friends there doesnt make a difference anyways.

Answer 9

the only people who should no the boy to girl ratio should be your friends and if they are telling everybody on campus like it's high school they aren't real friends. exspecially when there is nothing going on then no one should know cause there isnt anything to know. tell your mother that.

Answer 10

Your mother is worldly wise and also right.Yes,face saving [though not the right kind of word] is important as we are part of a society whose norms we should respect,if we expect to have social acceptance.