My sister in law and brother in law were trying to adopt a new born baby girl and for some reason the adoption fell thru about a week ago and they lost the baby girl. since this happened she will not talk to me or return our phone calls or text messages and we were behind them 100% even though we always didnt tell them that. I need to know what do i need to do as she was one person out of my husbands family i could truly trust and him and my hubby were super close and we are at a loss cause we miss the communication as we talked daily for hours and now nothing? please help me answer this and god bless each and everyone that answers...
2007-08-10 16:16:31 · 19 answers · asked by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
what i am asking is what do u think we need to do to keep the line of communications open? i do miss her and i miss my confidant? I know my hubby misses his brother and so please any advice u all can give would be extremly helpful...
2007-08-10 16:17:48 · update #1
they was hit with a pretty hard blow , when you wont a baby so bad and you get your hopes built up, and they yank it right out from under neath them , right now they need time to morn , even though they didn't have her in there home they had her in there hearts, so i would suggest time and then maybe in a couple of days, by a great lunch and when you call her and she doesn't answer then just go over there knock on the door, and say i bought lunch you hungry, and go from there , she probably needs a friend right now, but she also needs time to soak in that she is not going to have the baby so so wanted, she will be alright time always heals, doesn't go away but it does heal,, GOOD LUCK sweetie, you sound like a good friend
2007-08-10 16:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by marcell2967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they may have been extremely devastated by the course of events and want time alone to heal together. The only thing anyone can do is offer support and wait for them to accept it. Although you two miss them, you two can't really force them to communicate unless they are ready to.
My suggestion is to leave them a sincere message either by phone or email and let them know that you two both care and love them very much and are there for them whenever they need you in any way possible. Then just wait. Maybe offer to bring over a nice meal and some optional company. They probably haven't had a chance for a proper meal and would like familiar faces around although you shouldn't expect much talking right away.
Having an adoption not go through I can imagine is very heart wrenching. I am sure their hopes were very high, only to be dashed away over night. I sincerely hope your family the best.
2007-08-10 23:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by christyn79 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand the this is a heart breaking and devastating situation they are dealing with, I'm sure they had a lot of expectations and dreams for this little girl and all of the sudden they were taken away from them, I can not even imagine the pain they must be feeling now. And now is when you have to be more understanding and supporting than ever, give her some time to heal, she'll call you when she's ready to, now...don't try to make an issue about you, she is just recovering from a loss.
You can send her a card, saying that you'll always be there whenever she feels ready to talk. That will keep the communication open.
2007-08-10 23:34:01 · answer #3 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What exactly do you mean that they lost the baby. They are probably upset at the fact that they really wanted this child and it did not worked as planned. I think you should give them some time to get through this on their own and then try to communicate. If not let them initiate the communication and go from there. If you all were that close they probably understand all of this and just need to time to sort out their emotions for the loss. Let time be your friend and just offer support when needed. I hope this help.
2007-08-10 23:24:33 · answer #4 · answered by nikki s 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure what she is experiencing is like the death of a child. She had her hopes and dreams on the adoption and its not happening. I imagine she is depressed and wants to be alone. I would suggest you send her a card and tell her that you love her and that you are there when she needs to talk again. Give her alittle space, then make a lunch date with her and don't take no for answer.
2007-08-11 00:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.......this is complicated.......This is just a theory though so please be patient.......they may not be answering phone calls and text messages because they are still trying to cope with this loss....and where you say that you guys were behind them 100% even though you didn't always tell them that.......kind of sounds as though they thought or were sorta lead to believe that you didn't support their decision all of the way.....and they may just not want to talk because they are afraid of the "I told ya so" thing happening........ so I would just tell you guys to just give them a little space for awhile........and then call them up and if they don't answer, leave a message saying "that you guys are coming for a visit or want to have lunch or dinner or something where you guys can talk face to face........and after you are all together tell them that you give them your condolences for their loss and then give them encourgement if they want to try again for adoption............and after that is all said and done kind of change the subject to something else........(try not to dwell on it).......all in all just make sure they understand that you are truly sorry for their loss...............
2007-08-10 23:32:46 · answer #6 · answered by don't ask 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give them some time, its not about you and your husband right now its about the baby. They are hurt and disappointed in the adoption system. I'm sure they are thinking more about the baby they could have had. Be patient. Send her a basket with flowers and maybe add relaxation bath and spa gels, something like that, with a nice "We're thinking of you" card. Good Luck.
2007-08-10 23:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They feel like they had a death of a child. The only thing I can think of is that you can send them a card stating how sorry you are for their loss and that you still are behind them 100% and that you will be there whenever they get ready to talk. Then leave it up to them, they need to grieve.
2007-08-10 23:28:51 · answer #8 · answered by tx_mstry_lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to them. They are "grieving" because the adoption didn't go through. It's almost as if they've experienced the death of a child. They had high hopes, dreams, etc., and then it was gone. They need to go through the stages of grieving just as one would if someone had died.
If I were in your shoes, I'd get together with them & let them "vent" on you to get it out. They're distraught & family would do them good. It may be tense, but it sounds as if you all are close & they need you as much as you need them. Take it slow & just tell them that you love them & are thinking of them. Maybe send them flowers? Meet them for dinner?
Good luck :)
2007-08-10 23:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by Gypsydayne 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now they are probably so hurt they are just unsure what to say to everyone. Try breaking the ice by doing something unexpected like send flowers saying "We are here for you" or surprise them by taking them a nice homecooked meal and showing them that you still care no matter what. They probably feel people are judging them due to the adoption falling through and need to be shown that simply isn't true.
2007-08-10 23:22:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋