Is my daughter being molested?

Question

She is 4 and she trys to kiss the other kids under blankets and once i found her behind a chair with another kid with her pants down. What exactly is normal sexual behavior for a 4 year old? Is this normal? Should I be concerned? Ive already scheduled an appointment with a counsler but I would like some feed back!

Answer 1

I am a counselor who treats children who have been sexually assaulted.

Often if a child is exposed to porn (like a DVD) they will act out. Most parents tell me no, not us, we don't even have any porn in the house. or yeah we have a porn DVD stash but it's hidden. When I ask the kids, they always know where the porn is ...kids like to peek around.

Molestation is a real possibility. I just hope the counselor you are going to is well trained and experienced. I find most counselors will tell you they are, but in reality, aren't.

Don't be bashful asking about their experience and outcome results.

Good for you for being on top of this.

And work and work and work with your daughter about Boundaries!!

Molested or not, she has boundary issues!!

Answer 2

Look, just because your daughter is taking off her clothes in front of other kids doesn't mean she's been molested. This is perfectly normal behavior in a 4 year old girl. 4 year olds are naturally curious about the difference between boys and girls. This kind of thing happens with kids all the time and it's harmless. Even if she's seen pictures of it, she doesn't have the capacity to really understand or want sex (boys at her age know even less, so the behavior is safe, nothing will happen). If she was being molested, I can almost guarantee that she would probably have the opposite reaction. Probably withdrawn, embarrassed, and at 4, she is too innocent not to mention it.

Nothing personal, but to suspect her of being molested because of this type of behavior is quite a leap and is not worth worrying about in itself. As others have said, if there is some other reason that you suspect molestation, you'd better address it ASAP, but based on what you are describing, it is normal. Didn't you ever play doctor when you were a kid?

I agree that you should discourage this behavior, but don't embarrass her too much about it, it may not be good for her at her tender age.

P.S. I can't believe a professional (other answerer) would buy into the notion that this behavior is not normal. It's not the kind of thing that people talk about much, but it's normal. If she was being molested, she would not be curious about boys, but would know more than she ever wanted to about them!

Answer 3

That is very abnormal. It is not a behavoir that would be described as exploration where a child seems to want to see thier own body or asks and talks about it. What your daughter seems to be doing is reinacting an experience that she has seen or has participated in. ei "under blankets" how would a child know that sexual behaviour is usually done undercovers?? they don't this is a learned behavior. As with the hiding behinds chairs and attempts to have others participate. This is all a learned behavior. Who do you leave you daughter alone with??? remember alone does not mean you are not in the house. Who spends time with her OUT OF YOUR VIEW??? this may be an adult or even another child. Remember you must ask you child in a playing way, where they sense no stress or intarigation "Who does that"" ask this question often WHO DOES THAT but say it in a playing manner this is the key to unlocking a secret from a child at that age. It must seem like a game. If not you will make that child feels as though something bad has happened and you will divert the answer. Think who is with your child??? Ask WHO DOES THAT.

Answer 4

Molested by who? Someone at the day care? A relative? A neighbor? Who spends time with her when you are off to work? I would also be very suspicious if I saw my daughter behaving like that.

You have done the right thing. Wait for what the counselor has to say. Children are exposed these days to things we were not at that age. It could be nothing, after all, but it is very wise of you to look seriously into it.

And lastly, if it so happens that your daughter has been molested, make sure you focus on her and provide her all the therapy she may need. Then, after she is well, you can focus on plucking off the eyes of the molester with a chainsaw. Focus on the girl first.

Answer 5

That is odd behavior and if out of character, a clear sign she's either been touched or maybe witnessed someone doing something to someone else. My son at age 5 had a change in personality. when I asked him what was wrong he wouldn't tell me at first. I talked further with him asking where my happy boy was and it came out that his friend in Kindergarten was touching his privates. I reported it and the boy was being molested by his uncle. He was just transfering it to my son. A change in personality of a young child is serious symptom something is wrong. A counselor is a good idea.

Answer 6

i'm not a prfessional and it could be totally different but when i was younger my neighbor (male and a year younger than me) , my little sister, another neighborhood girl, and i always went up to his room and he would try to talk us into doing stuff to him like kissing or other stuff that included his pants down under a blanket. with your daughter it could be a neighbor that gave her the ideas or even tv. my 4 year old sister sometime tries to french kiss people or pose very sexy for a camera because she saw it on tv. good luck. i hope this makes you feel better

Answer 7

Okay, first off, when/where would the possibilty of the molestation be?

Who is the person you suspect? Why would you suspect them?

Have you noticed anything "down there" that looks as if she has been?

I would take her to a doctor for a complete exam - before the counselor.

This is a very, VERY serious thing - you have every right to be concerned!

Answer 8

I would wait and go buy a book that she can associate with and see how she reacts to that , also i would watch how she is with dolls and dont react shocked when she does something weird .remember a child is going to try different things just what kind of things. you will know that she could have done that with out being shown sort of thing..i know my daughter was as well as myself and spend alot of time learning how to seee signs.like is she sticking things there, or trying to put your hand there or trying to touch you. please dont panic even though it is heart breaking. i hate going to concealers cause they dont see the grey in the middle cause we are all human and want to know ourselves. if she touches herself theen just tell her it is something she can only do by herself and she is not a bad girl just not in front of people with a smile and a hug and she will move on and forget about it as long as you dont focus on it all the time. i would guess you where used and am scared or you may be right just watch for unusual behavior good luck hope i helped

Answer 9

this is normal. i would talk to her and try to point out to her that , that is not good to do around little boys. but its normal for little kids at that age. they dont know what is even going on or if its bad or not. i thought for a sec. when i was reading the tittle that she was being molested. scared me cause my husbands dad was a pet. its very scary to hear of things happen like that. other but that i wouldnt worry to much about it, just talk to her, later on in life you can go back with her and laugh at stuff like that. :)

Answer 10

Does she know that it is not appropriate, the things she is doing? Some kids are not taught. And I'm not too sure, but at 4 years it is not strange for them to wonder and even explore their bodies and check everything out. they may just be curious. But it is a good idea, the counselor, maybe one esp. for children. Good luck with it.