I am very confused about a situation that I found myself in and am very frightened of the results. I did not want any of this to happen but it did and now I feel like I am the one to have to try to make everything better or go away. I was working for a new company in a church one of the employes there decided that he wanted to have sex with me ( I had only started working there about 3 weeks prior to this happening.) I told him no many times made up many excuses but he was not taking no for an answer he kept saying to me you know that you want it it is good. I continued to say no, I did not know what to do I was scared he did now viloently force himself on me but he continued and continued while I was in a corner. I kept thinking if he does this then he will stop and I can leave but...he didn't. Was I raped or not? He is in jail and it is going to trial in a couple of months. This is making me crazy...I did not want this to happen but did not know what to do...I was so scared, frozen.
2007-08-10 14:33:20 · 15 answers · asked by mama jann 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Thus far you have all helped me greatly, thank you for that.... He has been in jail since Feb. 24th the day that it happened and will stay there. The trial is set for Oct. 29th and I am very scared, worried and confused. I hate the fact that he made the decisions that he made I am trying to not take on the responsibilities for him. He is a married man with a new baby that makes me feel awful for them (wife and child) He is also here on a green card from Guatamaula and will be sent back after doing his time. I feel so much guilt and confusion.
2007-08-11 08:16:20 · update #1
That guy is the lowest of the low. Call the rape crisis center. The phone number is on the Internet. You need counseling to overcome this trauma as is evident in your letter.
He would not be in jail unless he did something wrong. It may be hard to grasp reality because this is such a traumatic story, but go with the reality as presented by the justice system.
You attacker may plead guilty in the end. Often they do this the day before the trial is to take place. But, in case he doesn't, please talk to a rape crisis center, so you can handle the stress of a trial. We all are rooting for a conviction as no one in society wants people like this roaming the streets.
You will feel proud of yourself for doing the right thing by society and yourself. Thank you for reporting your crime even though it was hard to do.
2007-08-10 14:48:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all ...did you get pregnant as a result of this ? No matter what, you need to talk with a counselor and seek professional help to decide what to do...and move on with your life. You were "forced" to have sex with this person against your will...so this might be considered "rape" as you indicated. This is a traumatic experience ...and something that will be difficult to forget, but a professional counselor might be able to help you cope with your feeling and deal with this. If you can not find a counselor, then speak with someone you can trust to help you sort out your feelings. Don't feel that it was your fault or that you could have prevented it. Sex should be a beautiful experience if there is love and respect for one another, if it is forced on you and one person wants and the other doesn't, then this is something wrong, very bad. Also you need to seek legal help ...your employer could have prevented it and have some fault with what happened to you...for failure to protect you. It's a shame that it happened in a church. Good luck...hope things gets better.
Jacques.
2007-08-10 14:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by E.B. Jacques 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Mamma Jan. It is so important that you seek the help of a psychiatrist to get over this. I don´t think it is relevant to categorize the thing that happened into rape or not. Talking to a psychiatrist will help you to get things off your chest, talking to somebody is necessary. Do not delay this because this will become a trauma in your life. If you don´t have money to seek medical help, rely on your friends or family. What is the reason why this man is going to jail? Argentox2@yahoo.com
2007-08-10 15:12:18 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how the trial will come out, but if you said no - then he needed to have quit. He basically harassed you into the act. He was in the wrong, he should have respected you enough to pay attention to what you said.
maybe you could have complained to someone about the situation, maybe you could have kicked him in the balls, maybe you could have shot him in the knee , maybe .....
the point is there probably were any number of things you could have done, but you didn't. That doesn't mean that you are in the wrong, it just means you didn't do them.
don't Monday night quarter back yourself to death. It is easy to second guess yourself. Give yourself a break, and relax. you did the best you could in the situation.
2007-08-10 14:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by kiwibarb11 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is called rape. If you are ever in that kind of situation agian #1 never be alone with the person #2 tell your supervisor and anyone else who will listen that he's coming on to you. If he didn't rape you, which he did, at minumum would be sexual harrassment and that is also illegal. See someone to talk to. There should be no confusion in your mind that you were raped and it is by no means your fault.
2007-08-10 14:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by julia b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he forced himself on you. Yes, you were raped. If life is fair at all, he will go to jail for a long time, and perhaps learn that when a woman says NO, she MEANS NO.
You have my sympathy -- that you had to experience something so awful. Please, please remember that it wasn't your fault. How many different ways can a woman say NO? It is NOT up to you to "make everything better" for this man. You need to make everything better for yourself. Get counseling if you can... I think you will need it.
2007-08-10 14:50:14 · answer #6 · answered by bibliophile31 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that this whole situation must have you very scared but after a sexual assault like that you need to alert the authorities. If it seems like too much to handle, then you can always confide in a friend or close family member and use their help.
You don't need to be embarrassed and you don't need to be scared. It's not your fault.
2007-08-10 14:47:25 · answer #7 · answered by soapofdurden 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
mama jann, sweetie, its not your fault at all!! I have been there 3 times, only I didnt turn them in because I was way to afraid to. I was on my own and just barely surviving when it happened. He deserves what he gets!! dont be afraid of him! go to your nearest mental health center and ask to talk to a rape counsler. they will help you. and tell the police whatever they want to know. I would also get him for sex harrassment on the job.
2007-08-10 15:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are describing a "date rape" scenario, yes. Tell the police, church authorities, and anyone else who may help. It is too late for a rape kit, but you may be able to be a witness in his court case & help prosecute him, especially if he has done this to others. (And remember, most rapists have done it to others!!)
Don't blame yourself. You said No. It is scary to argue with a man, especially if he may be bigger than you, etc.
You may get help from a rape crisis clinic in your area, or Victim Witness counseling (it's free).
2007-08-10 14:53:00 · answer #9 · answered by embroidery fan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tactic called coercion and he did it well. That is very typical of predators and it makes it easy to put doubt in your head,and that is exactly what he has done. Stay strong and continue on the path you have chosen.
2007-08-10 14:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋