For any LDS' or anyone!?

Question

I'm "waiting" [[not a def thing but we kinda know im doing it]] for a guy who is out on his mission for two years, its been 9 months and were still doing well, but im not a LDS, yet hes not bothered about that, he talks about our furture and jokes or hints that were get married.. should I keep waiting? Its so hard, I just wanted to know if there are any SUCESS stories that you've heard of know of from RMs [[returned missionaries]] we dated 7 months before he went away and im not his gf cause hes on a mission were "in love" really and we send each other stuff and i get a roughly 3 page letter nearly every week without fail. Hes the only LDS in his family so do you reckon he will WANT a def temple marriage or will he sway a bit because of his background and family and maybe go for a church wedding .. we all want eternal marriage but wouldnt you prefer to be with the one you love?.. I know its alot to think about and it might not even work out.. i know.. but still.. Thanks x

Thaks for all the answers so far! But to let you know, i am dating ive had a short term boyfriend while he was away and its dont a def thing he says he wants me to live while hes away.

Answer 1

Well, if you really love the guy, of course you should wait! However, I've heard many a story of a girl who was waiting, only to be married when the guy came back. There's really nothing wrong with this in my opinion. If you fall in love with someone else, don't be cruel to the guy on the mission and PLEASE don't wait to tell him about the other guy until you have a wedding invitation picked out.

Answer 2

The best success stories I know are cases where both the girl and the guy served missions. In fact, a couple of the strongest marriages I know is where the guy served his mission, then waited for the girl to serve hers. I do remember a missionary on my mission who had a girlfriend waiting for him, but they had only just met in the airport or shortly before. In my opinion the majority of returned missionaries get a testimony of the importance of temples, and they would naturally want a temple marriage. But it might be wise to let go a little and let him learn and grow on his mission, and you can pursue your studies or your personal growth as well.

Answer 3

Hi,
My husband was "my missionary" and I was his - we were actually out at the same time (but my mission was much shorter).

Anyway, I can answer this question from both points of views, someone who has been on a mission, and someone who was writing a missionary.

From the point of view of the girl: when he asked me if I would wait, I said no. I knew he was marriage material, but I felt that waiting would put on a lot of pressure. So when he was gone (before and after my mission) I did date lots of different guys, and I'm glad because I helped me know even more that my missionary was very special, and the kind of guy I really wanted.

From the point of view of the missionary: a "dear John" letter is devastating. Really, you do not want to do that to your man, it's horrible.

My sincerest advice to you - by all means keep writing him, and keep that option open, but don't wait, it's too much pressure and almost always leads to that horrible "dear John." So since he's already out, to go about this delicately, I suggest you tell him as sweetly as you can that you don't want to wait just to avoid the pressure. Make it abundantly clear that it's not a dear John letter, that there's no one you're dating or interested in at the moment, you just want to increase your chances of things being able to work out for you.

As for the wedding plans. Don't even worry about those now, there will be plenty of time to figure that out when he gets back and you're both sure you still want each other.

I know two years is a long time, but it really does go by fast.

good luck.

Answer 4

You love him; he loves you! Sounds great! However, take it from someone who IS a Mormon and was married to a non-member--the LDS spouse is ALWAYS thinking about how to get his or her family to the temple! ALWAYS. Getting sealed in the temple is the most important thing a Mormon will ever do on earth. Your boyfriend/husband will always feel like he's missed out! Is that the way you want your life to be 10, 20, 50 years from now?

Having said that, if you love him, why don't you at least try to find out what it's all about? This is something that REALLY MATTERS TO HIM. He cares about this so much that he left you and his family for two years! Nobody is going to force you to join the Church, but it would really help you both if you just LEARN ABOUT WHAT HE BELIEVES IN.

Who knows? You might find it's so weird, you don't want him any more! OR, you might pray about it and find out it's true...

In either case, your problem will be resolved, won't it?

Good luck!

Answer 5

Look at Mitt Romney! His wife was his non-LDS high school (or maybe it was college) girlfriend. They married after he returned from his mission. Also, I personally know several RM's who married their sweethearts they left behind, both LDS and non-LDS women. If it is right, you will know it. Just know that he cannot be concerned during this time with a "girlfriend". He is doing the Lord's work. When he gets home, he will be different. That is when you will KNOW whether or not it is right for the 2 of you.

Answer 6

I have heard of many times when people got dumped by their girl friend while on their mission. I have never heard any stories either way from return sister missionaries. I will have to ask about that. But I have heard of countless success stories. The funniest one I have ever heard of was from a missionary I served with on my mission. He was the biggest cheese ball that ever crossed this planet. In a big missionary meeting called a zone conference, one of the speakers shared some ideas for how you could get more blessings and have the Spirit with you in larger quantities, which is essential in missionary work. One of those ideas was to "Dear Jane" your girlfriend (or boyfriend for the sisters). Dear Jane is a term that is used among the LDS community that refers to getting dumped while on your mission. The next letter he wrote his girlfriend he "Dear Janed" her. His Girlfriend knowing him as well as she did just ignored him and continued writing him as though nothing had happened, and his parents wrote up and rebuked him. They are now a happily married couple.

Answer 7

The best way to find out whether he wants a temple marriage or not is to ask him directly. My girlfriend and I are both the only LDS in our families, and this exact issue has come up. Expect a lot of discussion on it. I'm sure that you will come to some kind of understanding.

One thing to remember when you consider waiting:
RMs, much like soldiers, airmen, and sailors after enlistment, are more resourceful, functionally intelligent, harder working, and able to cope with higher levels of stress than before they served the mission. Usually, this results in a better husband.

Answer 8

Well there are a lot of women who end up getting married before they get back. Chances are he will want a temple marriage and will want to raise his children as part of the church. You really need to discuss how this will work if you get married. If you are waiting, he probably intends to be married.

I don't believe that interfaith marriages are a good Idea. It is just really tough to be united when your fundamental beliefs differ so much.

Answer 9

Sorry but is there a question here?

Never "wait" for a missionary. He is growing during those two years. You must also. You will both be different when he gets back. Sometime, however, it does work.

I knew my husband 5 years before he left on a mission. I dated while he was gone - at BYU! We have now been married 29 years.

BTW, his parents are still Catholic.

Answer 10

I don't see why you couldn't see other guys while he's away, with the understanding that you two will discuss your situation when he returns. If you really love this guy, though, why would you want someone else?

Since he is the only LDS in his family, he will likely go for an out of Temple wedding, since none of his family could attend.