How do I politely tell my mother to butt out?

Question

My mother has been married to my father for 18 years (they had me several years before they married) and he has had numerous affairs and lied to all of us over the past 11 years and yes, they are still together.
My problem is that she interferes with my relationship with my husband. She is constantly saying things that tend to put a jealous streak in me or make me paranoid and I realize that this is her mentality because of what she has been and is going through but, that is her choice and I have made it clear to her that we would do anything to help her get out of that marriage but she refuses. So how can I politely ask her to stay out of my marriage and quit seconding guessing every word that comes out of my husband's mouth because of her insecurities?

Answer 1

there isn't really a "polite" way. you just have to tell her. sure, she'll get a little ticked off. maybe even a little hurt but, you have to do it. she's probably trying to save you from the hurt she has suffered and doens't realize that not all men are the same. just tell her. you'll feel better.

Answer 2

You can try telling her how you feel and that just as she's made a choice (staying with her husband despite his shortcomings) she wanted everyone to accept/respect, she's got to respect your wishes as well, you're a grown, married woman and you appreciate her concern, but that you would rather her not intefere in your marriage. It's all you can do. Other than that, try to understand the place she's at, she's damaged emotionally and that's what you're seeing, she's lost trust and respect in her own marriage.

Answer 3

Just tell your mom you love her and that you understand that she is only trying to protect you. But that your relationship is different than her was to your father. And that if your making any mistakes then it is your mistakes. You have to talk to her and tell her that your marriage is your life and your living your own life and she has to live hers for her. You know in your heart what is right with you and your husband. Don't second guess your relationship with him on your mom's account. Your mom sounds like she is having problems with letting go of her little girl. Either listen to her and lose your husband,or go with your heart. I know its hard to your own mother to butt out!!

Answer 4

flow and don't tell her the place you reside or provide her your telephone quantity. Barring that, element out that for sure out of appreciate for her, your husband has chosen to stay silent on the issue, besides the shown fact that, you haven't any longer any loyalty to her and are extremely bored to death in her intrusiveness. once you % her suggestion, you will ask for it and assume it to take transport of kindly rather of the present way. in case you're saying this with a grin on your face with your tooth fairly clenched and a lilt on your voice she'll get the message.

Answer 5

She is past helping. She will never be able to change.

The only thing you can do is get away from her. Send her birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas gifts, but don't see her anymore.

If she wants to know why you don't visit, tell her the truth. It won't help, but at least you will feel better.

Answer 6

Early on in my marriage my mother-in-law butted in all the time. From finances to child rearing, to house keeping to cooking....you get the picture.

I told her very politely that I valued her advice because of her experience, however, when we needed advice, we'd ask for it.

It worked, and she didn't even get pissed off.

Answer 7

Tell her she should become a marriage counselor. There's always fools that would listen to her insane ideas.

Answer 8

simply said:

mom i love you and i appreciate your concern, but you are intruding on my life and it bothers me... if i need advice i will ask for it.

because, well, that's how it is!