I love my son in law, but he has never even had a pet die on him. On the other hand, I have worked in Hospic homes for many years, so my daughter and my other children know how to handle this better. I know that he is holding a lot inside, which we all know is not good. I have called him and told him to call anytime he needs to speak, but he has this pride of manhood going on. Do you have any ideas how to help my daughter and I to get him to accept and speak more about this. Many thanks to all who answer this.
2007-08-10 08:42:51 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Well first thing is to just let him know that you are there and that his wife is there for him. You cannot help him in his feelings. He has to be able to experience this and deal with it in his own way. He may secretly cry, cry in the shower, or when he is by himself. We don't know for sure. Everyone deals with things differently. Just being there is enough. There really isn't anything you can say that will make a difference in how he is feeling. He has to go thru all the different stages of grief. I am so sorry he is losing both of this parents at the same time. I didn't lose both of mine, but lost my Grandmother and Mother in a short period of time and I was very close to them both. I on the otherhand am a female and have lost pets in the past and have dealt with death before.
2007-08-10 08:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be careful not to pathologize him. Stay away from comments like "You're bottling this up! It's not good!" The grieving process is one of the most difficult things. I'm sure you're more aware of this than I am.
One idea that I had was just to ask him to monitor his own stress levels and feelings. Tell him that it's normal to block some of the really bad-feeling emotions out, but that you just want him to try to be aware of how it's really affecting him. Normalize as much of it as you can, and just make sure to tell him you're there for him no matter how (or when) he feels he has to handle this.
When people know they are losing loved ones, they sometimes have to go into machine-mode. Spend as much time with them as possible, take care of everything that needs to be done, etc. Sometimes it seems that there's no time for emotions. He will probably have more of a need for support once this is all over.
2007-08-10 08:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by Buying is Voting 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have male friends or family who can help him here? In a way, you're being the in-laws, even his wife, makes it worse because you know what to do, but you're all (as he sees it) happy and together. It's almost disrespectful to his folks to go to you about losing them because he'll still have you after they're gone.
I think the guy is right about not assuming that you know what's going on with him. Maybe it's macho, but maybe stoic or lost is the way his family deals with stuff. Where were/are his grandparents?
Some of us process out loud and barely know what we think until we hear ourselves say it. Others have to process a long time and deliver a finished product.
2007-08-10 11:38:23 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will talk when he is ready. It is good that you offered and he knows you are there for him. Other than that, you and your daughter just have to wait until he is ready to deal with it, and it may be a long time.
2007-08-10 08:50:45 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Kim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its better to let this kind of emotion out, if he keeps it inside of him it could lead to depression. And it could lead to suicidal thoughts. And once these things happen they happen, you cant change whats already happened.
2007-08-10 08:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋