he's close minded... and i need help.?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together for over 8 months. i am a christian, come from a christian family, and have very strong beliefs. i go to church every week. my dad is even a pastor.

on the other hand, my boyfriend doesn't really even believe in God.

the first time i found that out, i was shocked. we started an argument over it. and i regret blowing up like that...

so now i want to just talk about it - to try to see where he's coming from. but he won't talk about this subject AT ALL now since he's afraid i'll get mad again.

i want to show him the love God has for him - and since God is such a big part in my life, i want a man that loves God, too. except, my boyfriend doesn't see this since he won't even talk about it.

the question is - how can i show my boyfriend that i want him to be open about this, and to see how important it is to me??? he thinks it's all a big joke, and that hurts...

i don't mean to sound close minded myself. i've tried to see it his way, but it doesn't make sense to me.

i keep an open mind with many other religions, trying to see it other ways. but in the end i always believe in Jesus Christ.

Answer 1

You say you want a man who loves God, but you have chosen to be with someone who doesn't and now you want to change him. That is not going to happen. You can not change anyone. It sounds like you should not have gotten involved with him to begin with if this is that important to you. Since you are a p.k. you probably know that believers are told in the new testament not to marry unbelievers.

You also mentioned that he thinks it's all a big joke. Why would you want to be with someone who mocks something that is so dear to you?

I think you need to think long and hard about the future of this relationship.

Answer 2

Sister in Christ, if God were more important than your social life, you'd have checked on this aspect of his beliefs before you became at all serious. There shouldn't have been any shock.

Dating non-believers is an issue each young Christian has to decide, and, when you didn't decide what you were going to do and formulate a way to find out, you made your decision. After waiting and then yelling about it, you have no right to ask him to discuss it again. Your behavior is ironic, if not hypocritical, and you can't blame him for laughing now.

If you want to stay with him, you need to behave everyday in a righteous way (You've claimed to be a Christian, and a nonbeliever will judge you more strictly than a believer would.) and pray that God will give you an opening to mention your faith. The most impressive thing you can do is to demonstrate going way out of your way to do what you know to be right or to avoid what you know to be wrong. Turn the other cheek when you know that co-worker or classmate "needs" to be smacked up the side of the head. Do extra chores at home cheerfully. Buy a beggar a good meal, instead of brushing him off or handing out a dollar.

BTW, you don't say, but if you're sleeping with the bf, he will have little or no respect for your faith because non-Christians know that we're not supposed to do that.

Answer 3

Sometimes you can't do it through conversation but rather have to do it with the actions you take. Live your life as an example to him. Try to have a christian attitude in all the things that you do. Your influence can be greater than trying to convince him that you are right and he is wrong. Don't get in an argument over your beliefs. That is the negative way and won't win any points for you. Be loving and supportive of him but, live your life the way that you know God wants you to live it. Eventually, he might even ask questions and become more open. See if you can get him to attend church with you and include him in activities with friends who share your belief. You cannot give your faith to another; you can influence them with the choices you make and the way you live. I know it hurts when you know that he doesn't get it but you have to give him time. Pray that he will come to understand and love God the way that you do. Eventually you will come to know if this is a match that you want for your future. Shared beliefs are very important when it comes to making a life together. You want to consider how your children will be raised and you will want to have the same moral values. You may be too young to be thinking of marriage but you are never too young to understand that, if God is going to be the center of your life, you want to have a partner who shares your beliefs.

Answer 4

I completely understand I meet back up with a guy I had a crush since high school and we started dating it was all good expect for the fact when the religion conversation come up
he explained that life is science that every cause had event we also debated it I was very upset the relationship shortly came to an end we were too different people I still speak to him form time to time but as for us we were better as friends
I don't know if your boyfriend will come to agree with you if this something he truly believes you can give it a try and maybe ask him to attend a couple of services with you just remember you can't convert him he has to come willingly

Answer 5

I'm sure he don't think its a big joke. Don't try to push religion onto him. Everyone has there own beliefs and you can't make him believe what you do. If you try to push religion on him all you will do is push him away. Two people can have different beliefs and still be happy together. Don't blow up on him and don't get mad just because he doesn't believe in the same thing you do. That will push him away too. Tell him how important God is to you but make sure that he and you understand that religion isn't everything.

Answer 6

He needs to come to his own conclusions about God and religion. So, he'll need time to get past this on his own. He doesn't need someone shoving it down his throat. Maybe YOU should try respecting HIS beliefs, otherwise it probably won't work out for you two.
Who instigated it in the first place anyway? I'm sure it wasn't him. He was being respectful by not bringing it up at all. You're better off not touching that wound again, for awhile. Religion is one subject ( politics being the other ) you don't want to bring up in any kind of mixed company. Leave it alone.

Answer 7

I am sorry, but I believe you are the close minded here. Spiritual belief is something more intimate than sex in itself, and should not be shared, much less forced upon someone. If he wants to believe, he'll get there, maybe he'll take a little while to do so, although he might not be exactly against God but the church. He might choose a different spiritual path in a few years, be it muslim, pagan, voodoo, or none at all, and you have no saying on this matter whatsoever. Let him be, love him for who he is, not what he believes in. You wouldn't want anyone forcing another path down on you, right?

Answer 8

From experience you have to realize that you cant change anyone unless they want to and it seems like he doesnt want to see it your way. You havent been dating for that long but long enough to see what type of person he is. You know what you want so dont stop and settle until you find it cause you will. I would give it some time and bring it up to him again, but dont talk about religion because that is a sore subject for everyone but tell him what you want and ask him what he wants. to be honest i dont think he is right for you. he needs to want to make this work since you see things differently. i have a friend who is christian and went through the same thing so take it from me if he doesnt want to talk about it than that means he isnt gonna be opened minded. good luck

Answer 9

He hasn't been raised around Christianity and so he may not understand it. It's possible that he may feel dumb because he doesn't know anything about it. But if God is so important in your life you should be with someone who feels the same. And it sounds like he is not respecting your beliefs, which is crutcial in a relationship. Has he spent any time with your family? I would share with him how great it can be to have a Christian based family, and how big of a difference this can make on a person's life. Let him know that if he can't at least accept your beliefs and respect them that you need to move on to someone that will.

Answer 10

Honey, maybe he wants you to see how unimportant this is to him. It is important for you to show him the Love of God, and it is important to him for you NOT to show him. In other words, he wants you to have as much respect for his non belief as you want him to have for your belief. Religion and ambition, or the lack thereof, are the things that wreck a lot of relationships. I know, as a Christian, witnessing for Jesus is part of your faith. And, as you know and now regret, getting angry over it is not the way to do it. If you want to continue seeing this young man, knowing that somewhere ahead there is someone else for you who believes as you do, then go ahead and see him, enjoy your friendship and dating, but don't pester him about religion. Doesn't mean you have to hide your faith...live it openly and honestly. That might actually have a stronger influence on him that you know. Good luck, and God bless.