What should we have done?

Question

Okay this relates to the etiquette. Yesterday my husband and I took our two year old and our 10 month old to the zoo. About noon we sat down to have lunch. We were done eating but I was leaning over to help the baby cram cheerios in his mouth when I felt someone reach in front of me and grab my soda. Hubby had gone to throw out the trash and I thought it was him so I said without looking up "Back off buddy that's mine." Then I heard him yell, "Hey what are you doing?" from about three feet away. I looked up and this 14 or 15-year-old boy was looking down my shirt and holding my soda. He was also way too close to my kids. I jumped up and yelled "Hey". The kid threw the soda at me and ran away laughing. My husband yelled what are you doing and started toward the kid. Then these two women said "Leave him alone he has autism." We backed right down and said "Oh I sorry we didn't mean to yell at him. I didn't know I'm sorry" and so on. They sat down right next to us and each lit cigarettes.

We sat there feeling awkward and then packed the kids up as quickly as possible. My husband asked if I wanted the soda and I said "no" so they were close enough to hear us and offered to buy a new one. We decinled and they bought one anyway. We still declined and ran away with our tails between our legs. Mostly to get away from an ackward situation, but also to get the kids away from the smoke. I felt like our over-reaction was even more insulting than yelling at the kids. Anyone who parents children with differences what should we have done? Not that it is likely to happen again but what is a better way to respond?

Sorry - he didn't spash the soda on me just threw the cup back at at me. I caught it.

Answer 1

You did the right thing, even kids with autism can be taught some manners depending on the severity of it. It's not as if you knew he was autistic, anyones first reaction is going to be to yell, regardless. I'm sure they are used to having him yelled at if this is part of his typical behavior so it wasn't any matter to them aside from the fact I'm sure they may have felt bad (as evident by them buying you a drink).
Personally after I yelled and they pointed out to me he was autistic I would have said, "Okay, no worries then". Left it at that.

Answer 2

I know just how hard it can be to constantly watch a child with autism. All it takes is a blink for them to be doing somthing they shouldn't. I know last week while I was in the check out at walmart my little brother who has autism said that he had to go to the bathroom and ran in the mens room. I was in the middle of getting checked out with my 2 year old in the cart and could not run after him little lone go in the mensroom to get him. I just crossed my fingers that he would "behave". Sure enough he came running back out with a man following him. The man started yelling at me that my brother was looking under the stall doors. I apologized up and down and I was more embarrassed then anything. Not only was my 2 year old grabbing things off of the counter, my little brother was jumping up and down hitting himself but now everyone within a blocks radius knew that my brother looked under this mans stall. While we have taught him right from wrong as so many people have posted the childs parents should have done... children with autism are very impulsive and do not think is this right or wrong at the time that they are doing it. With this said I will apoligize for the way that the boy treated you and startled you for the parents.I think that they could have approached the situation better.
I would have done/said the same thing you did, I am sure if a stranger walked up to me and acted the way this boy did. I dont think that you should feel ashamed or embarrassed.... that is the thing about autism you cant tell that someone has it by looking at them. You were only looking out for the safety of yourself and your children.
At the same time I wish that people we more understanding when it comes to people with disabilities. The way you reacted when you found out the boy had autism was a little over the top (apoligizing)... but I am sure the parents appreciated it. Some times they/we need breaks too. I know that I am going to get a bunch of thumbs down for this post because people dont understand and or dont want to but the fact is that because a child has autism does not mean they shouldn't be allowed to go to the park, the zoo, and the store. It just means that the parent they are with should be prepared to do a lot of apologizing . Additionally evey child with autism does not act the same way or have the same behaviors. Even with my brother holding my hand he might lift up his shirt or yell something at a stranger. Some things you just cant prevent (even though you try and try!!!)
As for the parents of the boy sitting next to you and smoking with your children... I find this way more insulting then what the boy did.

Answer 3

autism- that is tough there slow but not that slow there curious there at a young child stage where they want to exsplore over and over again. Your reactions is better than mine personally. Autism isn't some thing that just sticks out. the gaurdian or parent of the child should of been more aware of where this child was because no matter what age they are you still have to treat them like there young and don't know fear or wrong from right very well. Its sounds belittling but it is facts. I have worked with children like this and they do the funniest but not the smartest things when some one is not there guide them. I would of felt bad to but how do you know. any case a teen checking you out like that I would of went off to. then bad. NOrmal human reactions. But personally it could of been avoided if supervised properly.

Answer 4

Well, I have a kid with autism, and I know dozens of parents of kids with autism. We try our best to watch them all the time, but sometimes they are fast and get away. My daughter was the worst about stealing french fries at McD's, but we HAD to keep going so that she would learn that how to behave in public. We did offer to buy a lot of fries for people though ;-) I went through many struggles, I can still feel the heat in my face from facing so many angry strangers.

I don't know anyone who parents a child with autism who would defend their child like that, or use it as an excuse. We would be hurt and embarrassed ourselves, as we face so much judgement from day to day about our kids behaviors.

I'd say you handled it as well as you could, and there was no cause for embarrassment or hurt feelings on your part. Just live and let it go.

Answer 5

so it is OK for the kid to scare you, look down your shirt, frighten your children and husband because they have autism, hmmmm, so what if he robbed a store, or thru that soda on your 10 month old, and the can hurt her? i don't think so, it is not OK, if they child has autism or something then you excuse some behavior but where do you draw the line, i think what happened to you was horrible , i mean i don't know what i would have done or what you should have done but you were lucky your children were not hurt, i don't think you should feel badly at all

Answer 6

Wow, that was a weird experience! I'm glad you and your kids are okay. Sorry you got splashed. Kids with autism really are in their own worlds, but they need to be supervised constantly. Those people should have made more effort to supervise the teenager. My friend has a boy with autism (he's 15) and he has a worker with him at all times. I'm just glad your kids weren't upset.

Answer 7

I think you did the right thing at first. Who were you to know the child had autism? Regardless of age, the parents should have been watching him and not let him that far over to you to get your soda. I would have done exactly the same thing you did.

Answer 8

i think you just brushed it off and that is great!

I would of said if your kid has that issue then maybe you should watch him so he don't get hurt! be a parent and put some damn disipline down!

They sound like they are using his health issues to get ahead in life but really they are only hurtting them self!

that had to be awful! I'm sorry you experinced that!

but i think you handled it with class there is nothing wrong with disipline! or yelling at someones kid. my views are if your not going to watch your kid are you sure you want me to cuz i will but it won't be nice!

if by chance it happends try doing something to shut them up with out being rude like would!
but your right the best way to not handle that is to excape as quickly as you can!

damn

Answer 9

how else would you react?? you had no clue that he had autism! i would have done just as you did. his parents should have been paying closer attention to him. "leave him alone, he has autism" is not a proper answer from them! it excuses him but not them.
as far as the smoking right next to... that is just plain ignorant! i would have packed up my children too!
you responded the way any one would have. don't feel embarrassed. it was an awkward situation but they (not the child) were in the wrong.

Answer 10

You did the right thing, autism is something you cant really tell when kids have it. Even if he does have autism the rents should have taught him to stay by them and respect ppls buisness